The Bedrest Chronicles

a little out of control

2012-02-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

We have all been sick for the past week. In general, Asher improved, but I got a horrible cold that I worked through on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I figured it was easier to go to work and sit around than it would be to stay home and take care of two active toddlers, so I worked and blew my nose through all my sessions. And washed my hands a lot, and didn't touch anyone. Benjamin began to improve, but then got worse again. My cold turned into a sinus infection- my face hurts, my teeth hurt and I am generally fatigued (wait, is that part of being sick or just part of being me?). I can't sleep well because of congestion, and sometimes I hear myself breathe and wake myself up.

Today I took Benjamin (and Asher, although Asher was not sick) to the pediatrician. The doctor thinks that Benjamin needs antibiotics. That is a first for us- we have made it 22.5 months with 2 children without a single round of antibiotics. Not a single ear infection for either one of them! Not to sound all La Leche League or anything, but I think breast feeding, and extended breast feeding through this winter, made a difference.

But here is what really feels out of control- my children! All of a sudden I went from feeling like I kind of had a handle on life with almost-two-year-old twins to feeling like they are the bosses and I have no control whatsoever. I'm not talking about complete nightmare behavior or that we qualify for "America's Super Nanny" just yet, but there has been a definite increase in tantrums over the past couple of weeks.

Here are some things that have been deemed worthy of tantrums:
wearing pants
not getting to use the remote control as a toy
being asked to sit in your chair (rather than mommy or daddy's)
being asked to eat real food (rather than only cookies)
hearing "no more crackers, we're eating dinner soon."
watching mommy go upstairs to use the bathroom by herself
not being allowed to go in the kitchen when the oven is on
wearing a coat when it is 25 degrees outside

Those are just a few of the things that I can remember off the top of my head. Benjamin gets the sympathy vote- he cries these big, juicy tears that are heartbreaking. Asher gets the "oh my god, just make it stop!" vote because he can scream and kick his legs in a way that irritates me like nails on a chalkboard.

Eric and I are working at discipline. At this point we are just trying to be consistent, like only feeding them in their boosters or at their little table, and making sure that everyone has pants on- at least to start the day. We are also ignoring tantrums, which has made them shorter. And the boys have made progress on eating in their chairs, which makes Eric and me feel like our attempts to discipline are working.

We still have trouble with Asher's sleeping. He wakes up a lot at night, and he was then able to open his door and come into our room. Eric got childproof doorknob covers, which took Asher all of 5 minutes to snap off and then open the door and come into our room. Now the knob cover has packing tape on it, but I found a strip of that on the floor, so I am guessing it won't be long before he gets that off, then the childproof cover, and then into our room. The best was a few nights ago when they were both running around our bed at 12:45. I was so frightened, and I think Benjamin was too!

It must be my bedtime soon, I have to get some rest and get better!

long weekend

2012-02-06T18:12:00.000-08:00

And I don't mean "long weekend getaway for fun in the sun" or something.

Both boys got sick. First it was Benjamin, with a cough, then a little bit of runny nose, but nothing too terrible. Then it was Asher, who started coughing too, and then, by Thursday night, had a fever. On Friday he was sick and dragging all day. He wouldn't get out of his pajamas, and he didn't want to eat. His fever went up to 103 on Friday night. The fever came down with Advil, but then we ran out of Advil. And lazy, dumb parents that we are, we decided that we wouldn't go to the pharmacy at night and would just give him Tylenol instead. Haha. Tylenol did nothing for him, so by the middle of the night, he was burning up and miserable. Which made mommy and daddy miserable, too- Asher wanted to sleep in bed with us, on top of me, and would wake up and cry intermittently. Oh my goodness, it was the worst night of sleep we've had since they were maybe 3 weeks old.

The rest of the weekend kind of went on like that, with Asher not napping and not sleeping well. Benjamin was much better, but I still felt like we were a bunch of lepers and I canceled all of our social plans, and we stayed inside like hermits.

Sunday afternoon we did go out for a little. I think we were all going stir-crazy and I thought some fresh air might be good for the guys. I could tell Asher was feeling a little better, but he didn't have his usual vim and vigor.

Here we are Sunday evening ready for the Superbowl:

notice Benjamin has his favorite book

Eric went to watch the game with some neighbors while I stayed home. It was a very depressing end to the game for Patriots' fans, and that's all I'll say.

I don't think that Asher's 100% yet. His appetite is low, he is very whiny and has been having a lot of tantrums. Here he is this morning:

You can see he does not have his normal happy face. Tonight was kind of trying- partly because I am tired, and partly because they are not at their best. I thought, "tomorrow will be a good day to go to work!" It's days like that that I am glad to work part-time-- I have had more than enough time with my little angels this weekend. And after 3 days of work, I know I will be happy to have another long weekend with them!

Guest post: On Being Grandpa Nick

2012-02-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

The cutest grandchildren Grandpa Nick has

Some things I figured out during January with Asher and Benjamin.

1. All grandparents are correct - their grandchildren are the most beautiful, energetic, smart and charming creatures on earth. The parents will back them up on that.

2. I can help parents, family and friends maintain the foundation of love and reliability supporting the two boys. That becomes the bedrock of their security and self-confidence as they face a sometimes-harsh world. Last week Rebecca and Benjamin slept at our house. Rebecca and Eric left Asher with a sitter, came here with Benjamin, put him to bed, calmed him and then went out for dinner. Rebecca later returned to our house to sleep. Of course Benjamin woke up crying shortly after his parents left.

I went upstairs, picked him up, held him and sang the family good night song until he calmed down. Then said, "It's time to go back to sleep in the Pack-and-Play." He understood me and loosened his grip. As soon as he was down he started to cry again. I leaned over and patted him on the back until he calmed and started to sleep. Then I stood up. Within seconds he started to wake. I patted him more softly. As I stood watch, ready to calm him again, memories returned of the times when I was about four and would wake up in terror. I would run to my parents in the living room, they would calm me and then return me back to bed. I was helping Benjamin feel safe at our house while passing along the love and security my parents gave me.

I realized I was trapped when Benjamin finally fell asleep. The hall light was on and would likely wake him if I opened the bedroom door while leaving. I took out my phone and texted Alison for help. No response. Friends had come for dinner with us, I texted the husband. A bit later the voices downstairs changed, then my wife appeared at the door. Once she turned off the hall light I made my escape. I then learned that Alison hadn't heard the text arrive on her phone, my friend was being polite and assiduously ignoring his phone, and my wife only came upstairs to verify whether I had fallen asleep in the room with Benjamin.

3. Being there is its own reward. Benjamin & Asher are comfortable with me. I can exercise my grade-school humor with them - funny faces, physical jokes... They grow and change from week to week.

Now they practice their own humor on me. Last week Asher started unbuttoning my shirt while I was undressing him for the bath. They read books differently - Benjamin spots his favorite letters, they can make many of the animal sounds... They play differently - much more direct imitation of their parents. They both use their tools to "fix" the toy vacuum - Benjamin started, Asher soon imitated.

Daddy Eric reading to his sons

There's nothing sweeter than snuggling a just-washed boy in a towel before putting lotion on him, then his diaper and pajamas. Even that changes. Last year, we had to help their hands through the sleeve. Now they can push their hands through and know which foot goes on which side of the pajamas. Last year they were wriggling to escape the changing table. This year the thrill is switching the table lamp on & off. Asher's even tall enough to do it while standing on the floor.

4. Grandparents have license to indulge the grandchildren. I often wear my "Grandpa Nick" sweater/jacket when I'm with the boys. It features a big zipper down the front plus a zip-up pocket on each side. Last Fall their big thrill was operating the big zipper. Now Asher's learned that, if he unzips the pocket and checks he'll find a roll of Life Savers, and get one as a treat. Benjamin comes by to claim his Life Saver after his brother's done the heavy zipping.

The Life Savers have special meaning in our family. When Rebecca and her sister were young we once had to spend several hours waiting for a wedding to begin. walking around the block, with each daughter receiving a new Life Saver for each circuit, while waiting for a wedding to begin. My wife remembered how her Father always had root beer drops in his pocket, ensuring she would run to him as soon as he came home.

February just started, but I've already learned that sometimes the best thing a grandparent can do is free up the parents by spending quality time with the grandchildren in the next room. I don't know what I'll learn next, but class will be in session soon with Asher, Benjamin and their parents so close.

Benjamin's favorite thing:

2012-02-01T18:39:00.000-08:00

His book!

Benjamin loves all trucks, buses, cars, etc. I found this book in our bookshelf- I have no memory of who gave it to them and when, but Benjamin has not put it down since Sunday. This picture is him at the playground with Meema while I was at work, and he is currently sleeping with it in his bed. At the playground he apparently climbed everywhere with it in his hand, and even went down the slides on his tummy while holding the book above his head. Too cute!

Today Eric and I got a new nephew- our sister-in-law Kerisa gave birth to a baby boy this afternoon! We won't get to see him for a while, but are excited to welcome the newest member of our family to the world.

22 months (and 2 days)

2012-01-28T19:12:00.000-08:00

Asher on his 22nd month birthday. Squinting at the flash.

Benjamin on his 22nd month birthday. Glaring at the flash.

My boys are rapidly approaching their 2nd birthday!

They have each said 2-word phrases (Benjamin said "hi, daddy!" and Asher said, "more cracker"), but it is not yet occurring regularly. When we're not around other children their age, I forget how far behind they are. They manage to communicate pretty well, but then we see their friends who are their age or younger who have more words, speak in sentences... I know one day they will be talking nonstop and I will miss this period of relative quiet, but for now it worries me.

Benjamin has started to try dressing himself. On Thursday he wouldn't let me dress him, and he wanted to put his pants on. He got the hang of it, but then tried to button his jeans over his thighs, which didn't work. When I left for work, he had his jeans on his head.

Benjamin loves books, and he carries them around all the time. Tonight he wanted "But Not the Hippopotamus!" which basically consists of opening the book to the second-to-last page so that Benjamin can say "Hey! Hey! Hey!" where the book reads "Hey! Come join the lot of us!" and then Benjamin setting the book on the floor, standing up, and pumping his fists in the air when the book says, "But yes! The hippopotamus!"

Asher has turned into a bossy boy. He likes to make his own trouble, but if he sees Benjamin doing something he's not supposed to, Asher will go up to Benjamin and say "No! No! No!" The other night Eric stood on their toy bench to fix our doorbell and Asher rushed right up to him to tell him "Down!" We're trying to let Asher know that mommy and daddy will take care of telling Benjamin when not to do things, but... he is still bossy.

The "sleep training" got us nowhere. Asher kept waking up at 5:50 or before (and is still doing that), and Benjamin stopped waking up at 7 or later and is now also waking up at 5:50 or so. Benjamin got up earlier and earlier to play with Meema and Grandpa at their house. Now we are all up by 6 in the pitch black, and mommy and daddy are zombies. On Thursday when Benjamin and I came in from my parents' house (at 7:30 a.m.), Asher was asleep in his big round chair and Eric was asleep on the couch. No one is getting enough rest here!

Speaking of which... it is time for bed! Tomorrow is Eric's morning to get up with the boys and hopefully I will get a little rest before our week starts all over again.

and the nomination for wildest hair goes to...

2012-01-24T19:23:00.000-08:00

Asher Bear!

He's getting a trim on Thursday, but this morning it was especially adorable. He loved his photo shoot:

"More..."

"More!"

What a cutie!

We're working on some sleep training with Asher, so Eric has taken on the dirty work of staying at our house with him while Benjamin and I sleep in peace and quiet at my parents'. I don't like sleeping away from my husband and my child, but if it pays off in more rest for us all, then it will be worth it.

1st trip to the aquarium

2012-01-22T19:44:00.000-08:00

Today Grandpa Nick and I took the boys to the Baltimore Aquarium to meet up with Cass and Walter (the same people who first took them to the zoo, and got us a zoo membership, coincidentally). Before the trip, Asher and I had looked at an online tour of the aquarium and Asher was very enthusiastic, saying "Oooohhhh!" and "Coooool!"so I was pretty excited to take them.

First we had lunch to ensure good moods for all present.

Asher enjoying a homemade chip

Benjamin scored a girlfriend even while acting like a goofball

Grandpa Nick and Benjamin

Our next stop was to see all the rays they have. There was also a shark, and a huge sea turtle that Asher was very taken with.

"Ooooohhhh!"

Grandpa and Benjamin

Then we alternately raced/stopped for too long through the rest of the museum. Asher seemed to think the octopus was really funny and kept going back to laugh at it.

the cutest brothers on the planet

Benjamin, Grandpa, and Asher

Benjamin and mommy

"Here, fishy fishy!"

Both boys had a lot of energy and stamina to walk around the aquarium. We did go to see the dolphins at the end of our visit, but by that point both guys were just done. Asher fell asleep within minutes of getting in the car and slept the whole way home, and Benjamin stayed awake until we were 20 minutes from the house!

We got home just as it was getting dark, and cuddled on the couch with daddy (who had enjoyed a day to himself and been very productive and busy around the house) until dinner.

It was a wonderful day, and although I am exhausted now, I am feeling very grateful for my family and my life. It is such a privilege as a parent to share the world with my children, and to see looks of awe and excitement on their faces. I love sharing that feeling with them-- sometimes I forget just how amazing our world is, and they remind me not to take it for granted.

almost 22 months

2012-01-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

Asher driving the bus at the Please Touch Museum

Benjamin driving the bus

Almost 22 months means almost 2... I have reserved a place for their birthday:
Smith Playground
The only downside is that the room holds "about" 15 kids. We will be inviting more than that with the assumption that not all of them will come. All of our guests can use the playground all day long, so I hope that not all the kids need to spend much time in the party room anyway. I don't think I'll do much as far as decorations, but I will of course make some food and at least two cakes. We pushed the party back until April 14, because the outside part of the park does not open until April 1, which seems like it might still be iffy weather. The following weekend is Passover and I'm not interested in a birthday party with two flourless chocolate cakes (we'll already have enough of that during the week, since both my birthday and Eric's fall during Passover this year).

The nice part about having it April 14 is that Eric's parents will be able to attend! They were already planning to come down that weekend for a visit, so the timing works out perfectly. I am excited both for my boys to have all 4 grandparents at their birthday party, but also for Eric's parents to get to share the event with them.

So what's new with the boys- they are still not "talking," but they are learning and using more words. We are working on labeling and repetition, and they both have picked up new things with frequency. They are now good at hi, bye, mama, daddy, na-night, more, cookie, bubble, no, down, uh oh, and Asher likes to call Trouble "Catty." They have other words as well, but they use them less consistently. They are both communicating more, and their listening and comprehension are also very good.

They are also both developing many new physical skills. Asher's jumping two-footed, which he loves to do. Asher is also working on monkey bars at Gymboree. Benjamin is very strong and likes to hold himself on the monkey bars and swing his legs up parallel to, and above, his waist.

No matter how much I think our home is safe, they always find a new way to make trouble. Just today I heard Asher saying "uh oh, uh oh!" from the living room and came in to find him on top of a table, flipping the light switch off and on.

Sleep continues to be difficult. They are both in toddler beds and good about staying in there most of the time, but the other night they figured out the doorknob and were most of the way down the stairs before Eric realized what was going on. Asher wakes up during the night some nights (or obscenely early some mornings) and wants to nurse. He used to be appeased by Eric saying "no mama, no nurse," but now that gets him more hysterical. So he's nursing, which Eric says during the day he wishes would stop, but at night finds very convenient! Their naps are also iffy- some days Benjamin decides he doesn't feel like napping, which leaves him very tired and crabby come dinner time.

They are exercising their independence more and more, which can be very trying. Today I couldn't find one of Benjamin's shoes and tried to put a different pair on him and he got completely hysterical. I didn't even realize he had paid close attention to his shoes before that!

In general, they are flexible and good-natured, and I am always thankful for that. I have seen other toddler tantrums that are far worse than what my guys can do. I always worry that those are on their way, but in the meantime, I appreciate life without them!

I have not been taking enough pictures, so I will have to change that and get some cute ones to post soon!

January/spring 2012

2012-01-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

What amazing weather we've been having! We've been taking advantage of it by going for walks and trying to do as much as we can outside.

Yesterday we took an impromptu visit to the zoo. We got there at 3:30 and they close at 4... but they never kicked us out so we stayed til 4:30!

We raced to the children's zoo so the boys could pet the animals and get out of the stroller. Here is a picture of Asher walking away from me:

My first thought when I saw it was, "that's no baby, that's a boy!" He looks so big, and his build is so boy-ish, not toddler-chubby at all.

I also got a picture of Asher on the tractor. Here he was, on this big tractor, and he had the whole thing to himself. There were ducks on one side of him and goats and sheep on the other. And what is he interested in?

The plane flying overhead. Just like they cared more about the train that runs by the zoo than the animals in it.

I had a hard time getting a good picture of Benjamin because he was moving the whole time, but he spent a long time looking at the ducks.

We also managed to see the otters, which the boys usually love, but this time one came right up to the glass by Asher and Asher got scared, so he wouldn't stay anywhere near them.

On our way out Benjamin wouldn't walk, wouldn't be carried, and wouldn't get in the stroller. He ended up lying on the pavement just looking at us. We looked right back at him! Finally he got up and we managed to make it back to the van. A whirlwind zoo visit in beautiful weather.

After the zoo we met my parents for dinner at an Asian food court. We ordered Korean food, and Asher loved eating bulgogi as long as I was feeding it to him with chop sticks. When the boys got tired of high chairs and food, they rode the escalators up and down and up and down with my parents.

Today was a much less busy day. In the afternoon the boys and I went with my parents to our favorite coffee shop while Eric stayed home to work on the headboard he is making for our bed (I will post a picture when it's done, it was a big beautiful surprise for me!). Before we even got our coffee at the coffee place, Benjamin fell off a bench, bumped his head, and screamed. I had to take him outside because it was so loud!

We came back in, got our coffees, and I was just walking back toward my mom and Asher when Asher started coughing. The cough was familiar- it was his "I'm choking on something and about to throw up!" cough. I told my mom he was going to be sick, and as I said it, he threw up. I rushed off to get paper towels and he threw up some more, all over the floor, right by Benjamin's feet. Benjamin was so upset (Asher wasn't) that he started to cry again. So, throw up on the floor, crying baby... not good. We got some rags to clean up the mess, and I was getting paper towels to wipe off Asher and my mom said, "I think I'm going to throw up!" from cleaning up Asher's throw up. I tried to do it instead, but Benjamin was so hysterical that my mom decided she would rather clean up throw up than deal with him. It was a very stressful few minutes!

The rest of the day was uneventful. Our dishwasher is broken, so we ordered pizza for dinner and had a quiet evening. No one threw up, and nothing else broke. That's a good end to a day!

the bedtime saga continues...

2012-01-07T18:48:00.000-08:00

Benjamin made the adjustment to his toddler bed quite well. His second night in it he got up and ran around the room for a while, and jumped in Asher's bed, but in general it has been a quick and easy transition.

We had trouble with sleeping while we were in Maine for Christmas, and Asher's problems continued at home. He would not stay in bed at bedtime, and was getting out of bed, lying on the floor, and kicking at the door with both legs while crying hysterically every night. Then he would fall asleep on the floor in front of the door because he was exhausted, and then wake up a couple of hours because he was asleep on the cold, hard floor. Then when we went in to put him into his bed, he would start the hysteria all over again.

This was not really a happy situation for any of us. Benjamin would get fed up, pick up his blanket, and meet us at the door to go sleep in the pack n play in the next room. Eric and I were ready to tear our hair out.

Then I went to work and didn't come home until after the boys were asleep. Eric reported that they both went down without a peep. Interesting. So the next night, Eric and my mom put the boys down. Not a peep. Ok, let's try that again... Friday night I helped bathe them, get them in their pj's and gave them kisses while Eric read stories and then left the room quietly. Not a peep.

We seem to have found the solution to our problem. Asher just doesn't want to be without mommy. It is very flattering, but also difficult. I want to tuck my boys in at night, and give them kisses. I am sure I will again, but in the meantime, this seems to be working.

2012: please don't let today be indicative...

2012-01-01T18:46:00.000-08:00

... of the rest of the year.

Today did not get off to a great start.

First, Benjamin accidentally swiped my eye when he turned around to give me a hug, and took off a piece of my cornea. Ouch! My mom googled "corneal abrasion" and decided she should call her neighbor, who is an opthamologist. His suggestion was that I go to the ER. Given that our last visit to the ER has amounted to about $700 in bills, no thank you. He said I needed an antibiotic. So I paged my doctor, who called in a prescription for an antibiotic. The antibiotic was $85 for 3 ml, which is also ridiculous, but less than $700, so I'll take it.

Then, Benjamin wouldn't eat breakfast, but Asher ate enthusiastically. I was upstairs with Benjamin after breakfast and I heard Asher cough a couple of times and Eric cry out... Asher had thrown up his breakfast, and Eric had tried to get him from the dining room to the kitchen sink. There was throw up across both rooms, and down the front of the cabinet, but almost none in the sink. Yuck.

It was 9 o'clock and I still hadn't managed my cup of coffee, which was making me crabby. I finally sat down to "enjoy" my coffee, and part of my breakfast (Benjamin stole the other half), when Asher pulled his kiddie chair up to the breakfast bar, got on the chair, and yanked a mat that had 3 clean wine glasses on it down over his head, smashing the glass all over the dining room. While he reached up, we yelled "Asher, NO!" and he completely ignored us.

At that point, I called my mom, who kindly volunteered to come over and help out so we could make progress on the mess around us.

I was trying to clean up the dishes from our dinner party last night, and noticed that the sink seemed to have trouble draining. I ran the garbage disposal several times and didn't think much of it. Then Eric went to the basement and yelled up "The drain backed up! The basement is flooded!" There was kitchen waste all over the basement. I felt so terrible for Eric, he had to pull up all the laminate flooring he had put down, and unhook the washer and dryer, and deal with dirty water, and so on. And of course we weren't exactly well-rested after staying up later than our usual 10:30 the night before.

The only positive was that the boys asked for naps. I appreciate when they do that, rather than throw fits and get out of control. Asher climbed in my arms and nodded when I asked him if he wanted to have a nap, and Benjamin took my hand and led me to the stairs, which he then climbed on his own and walked into the guest room, where he naps.

After naps, there were no further tragedies. We went to ikea to replace the glasses Asher broke, and while we were there we noticed an inordinate number of toddler meltdowns. It seems like everyone's children are overtired from the holidays and excitement and lack of schedule. I am desperately hoping my boys start to sleep-- their crabbiness is wearing me down!

So here is hoping that 2012 is not a year full of bumps and frustrations (though of course they are part of life every year). I'm looking forward to another year of adventures, excitement, and surprises from my boys!

Benjamin in a big boy bed!

2011-12-29T18:48:00.000-08:00

I didn't get a chance to take a picture... but tonight is Benjamin's first night in his big boy bed! It was not really my dream to have both boys in toddler beds before the age of 2, but what can you do when they can both climb out but not back in?

Benjamin learned to get out of the crib at Eric's parents' house, and has been able to translate his skills to his home crib. Last night we heard crying, and Eric went up to investigate and found Benjamin sitting next to Asher in Asher's bed, crying because he couldn't get back to his own bed.

Tonight my parents came by and Eric and my dad quickly and efficiently took off the front of Benjamin's crib. We then went up as a family to show Benjamin his new bed. His face lit up! He was grinning from ear to ear and jumped right up and then lay down like he was ready to go to sleep. You could see he was so happy to have a bed like Asher does.

I dreaded putting him down to bed, worrying that it would be like the transition with Asher. I worried for nothing- Benjamin lay down and snuggled up with his blankets, and I didn't hear a peep. Asher, on the other hand, leapt out of his bed and was banging at the door before I could even get to the top of the stairs (4 feet away). You would think it was Asher's first night in the bed, not Benjamin!

I am proud of Benjamin for making the transition so easily. He used to have a lot of trouble falling asleep at night, but he is now an easy sleeper and will sleep straight through without a peep til 7 am. What a sweet boy!

My sweet Benjamin. Who on earth could he be imitating?

Merry Christmas 2011!

2011-12-26T18:11:00.000-08:00

Today we celebrated Christmas with Eric's family in Maine. We really started celebrating on the 23rd with a party with Eric's mom's side of the family, though. We went to Eric's brother's house and ate lots of dessert while the kids enjoyed themselves. The boys took a bath with their cousin Kiptyn. I think Kiptyn was kind of surprised, since he usually gets to take baths alone. Their bath time ended when Benjamin caught sight of a toy shark and flipped out. Asher promptly picked the shark up and gave it kisses on the mouth!

Three cousins in the tub

Christmas Eve we had another party, this one at Eric's grandparents, with Eric's dad's side of the family. The boys got to see Santa, which was not really a big hit. Despite the fact that it was their second night up past bedtime, their moods were good and they had fun with their cousins.

The tree on Christmas Eve

My Christmas gift from Eric was to sleep in. I slept past 8, and then we got started on opening our stockings and the gifts from Eric's grandparents. Benjamin got the idea of "stocking" and started putting it on like a sock!

Forget the gifts, I have a sock!

The boys in their Christmas pajamas with their Christmas sippies

opening their stockings with daddy

Later in the day their cousins came over for dinner and to open the rest of their gifts. The boys seemed kind of overwhelmed about what to open and play with, so we got a little of this:

"That's my box!"

The boys got a ton of nice gifts, and more toys than we know what to do with. Eric and I also got numerous nice things, including two cookbooks I have wanted for a while, new sheets and towels, and new pajamas for me!

Benjamin's favorite new toy

The boys definitely seemed hyped up by playing with their cousins. Sleep took a turn for the worse, and Asher was up past 10 crying, and then Benjamin was up at 11:30, crying. Then Benjamin woke for the day at 6:30. Eric and I are a little tired! We go home tomorrow, with a stop in Cambridge to see my grandparents and pick up my sister. It will be nice to be back in our own house, but it will feel quiet and lonely after all the time celebrating with family.

I started this blog entry last night, but the internet decided it was done for the night before I was. So today is also Benjamin and Asher's 21 month birthday. Only 3 months until my angels are 2... I can't believe it!

Happy Hanukkah!

2011-12-21T19:09:00.000-08:00

Last night we had Hanukkah with my parents, and Aunt Jane and Uncle Ed. The boys stayed up until I was home from work to light the menorah with us, but I don't think that worked so well for them.

Cutest zombie ever

Bear in his bear-jamas on Grandpa Nick's shoulders

Aunt Jane lighting the menorah

Playing with the little people Hanukkah set

The boys got a set of wooden blocks for the first night. I got a big gift- a new laptop! I am writing this on my brand new MacBook Air. It is wonderful! My old laptop was running out of memory, the case was broken all over, and the boys had relieved it of the shift key, so it was time to let it go. I love my new computer!

Did you know the cozy coupe was double-decker?

I have gifts for the boys for every night of the holiday (and more), as well as gifts from my parents. Tomorrow we leave for Maine and of course they will probably be spoiled rotten there, too. I am excited for the holiday, and to get time with all 3 of my guys. Work has been kind of crazy the past few weeks-- for the two weeks prior to this I had many no-shows and cancellations, and then this week I can't even seem to cram everyone in. Maybe they are worried about what they'll do without me for two weeks?

In any case, we are enjoying celebrating, giving gifts, cooking and eating, and seeing family and friends. On Saturday we hosted a big brunch for our friends and had a completely packed house. I love hosting, and it was great to have our friends and their children over.

And while I am grateful for all the material goods, I am reminded that I have something that money can't buy- my family. This time of year, I think often of December 2009, when I was placed on bed rest. I can still remember the anxiety I felt around the possibility of pre-term labor and losing my boys. When I look at them now, so big and healthy, I know I didn't even imagine it being this good.

sweet moments

2011-12-18T16:22:00.000-08:00

Benjamin and mommy

Benjamin seems to be getting ahead of the curve on the "Terrible Twos." He is nowhere near terrible, but he is beginning to exercise his independence and there are certain things that he insists he do by himself. He has to buckle the booster for himself, and put the tray on; he likes to open and close the gate on the stairs; and put his food on his tray when he eats. If he doesn't get to do things for himself, he has a tantrum. They're usually not so bad. He just lowers himself to the floor, cries, and kicks his legs up and down at the same time. I deal with them by saying "night night!" and walking away, which usually puts an end to it.

Today after nap, he would not stop crying (yes, he needed more nap but no luck there). Asher was on my lap, and Eric brought Benjamin over next to us on the couch. Benjamin buried his face in the couch and cried. Eric asked Asher how to make Benjamin feel better, and Asher leaned over, gave him a hug and kiss, and patted his back and head. It was so unbelievably sweet to see him care for his brother like that, and wonderful to know that my boys already have some empathy.

Big Bear

Benjamin and his bear

Benjamin has also started to take care of a toy bear. He hugs it, feeds it milk, and sometimes feeds it food. They don't have any dolls yet, but I think they're getting one for Hanukkah. I am glad that these little monkeys also have a sensitive side.

weekend without daddy

2011-12-12T10:16:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, Eric went to Maine to visit his parents, and I was home with the boys for 3 full days and 3 full nights. For the most part, we had a wonderful weekend, and had our time filled with play dates and new experiences. The only tough part has been lack of sleep- Asher's not doing so well, and neither am I!

On Friday afternoon we went to a "family fun center" to meet a friend. There was a huge climbing structure, with tunnels and slides all kinds of fun things, but the boys quickly lost interest in it. Instead, they wanted to "play" arcade games:

No doubt that my boys are boys- anything that resembles a car or a scooter gets their attention.

Saturday morning we went to the Please Touch Museum. The museum was great, and we only saw some of it! Now we're thinking about getting our own membership, since it is so close to us and will provide hours and hours of indoor entertainment this winter. The boys had their first carousel ride:

Serious Asher

Brave Benjamin

Benjamin loved the carousel so much that he cried when it was over. Then he threw a fit when I took him off his horse. All the people waiting to ride definitely thought that was interesting.

Saturday afternoon the boys decided it was time for a nap boycott. I was so tired that I texted Eric, "time to come home now!" But we all pulled it together and went to our friend Hannah's birthday party at Little Gym.

The boys do Gymboree and love the playing and climbing, but the Little Gym had much more gymnastic-type equipment, and they went nuts for it! Asher was interested in hanging from the uneven bars and lifting his legs up. He is such a beast! We might do Little Gym when our Gymboree membership runs out since they both seem to like the physical challenge. The party was a great time, and ended with pizza (which they wouldn't eat) and cake (which they did).

Benjamin on the bars with his friend Maddie

Icing-faced Asher

By the time the boys were in bed, all I wanted for dinner was a glass of wine. And cake, and ice cream.

Sunday we had fewer plans, which was good. We did some grocery shopping, and then were headed to Latkepalooza when our friends called to say it was sold out. We ended up going to the playground and getting frozen yogurt instead. The boys' spoon skills are much better with frozen yogurt than they are with oatmeal!

By dinner, the boys were pretty much exhausted. Asher didn't want to eat- I offered him brisket and noodles- until I brought out the broccoli. He and Benjamin put away the broccoli like it was going out of style! We finished dinner and I rushed the boys off to bed, and they were asleep long before their daddy got home.

I am so happy to have Eric home again. I think we all missed him, and I'm glad we have the holidays coming up, where we can all be together.

let the shopping begin!

2011-12-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

Today the boys went with me on my annual spend-too-much-at-Target trip. Unfortunately, they were not in their best moods, and ended up getting pretty crabby before I managed to look for everything I needed. I guess they were helpful in preventing me from overspending! Similarly, they were helpful in preventing me from overeating on Thanksgiving (or at any meal I have with them).

Anyway, the trip started out as a good time. Here are the boys with gift bags on their heads as hats.

While we were doing this and laughing, two little boys came up to say hello to them, and told me I have cool babies. I thought that was sweet. Then they asked if they could get in the cart with them, and I had to tell them no, but I'm glad we look like a fun family to be a part of!

The trip pretty much went downhill from there, and ended with my carrying Benjamin so that he could push the cart, and Asher busting out of the straps. I then had to chase both boys down to get Asher back in the cart (in the basket part, not the part with the seat belts, but it's better than him getting run over in the parking lot), and carry Benjamin out in my arms. I had been planning to stop for food for dinner on our way home, but decided no way I was going to wrestle them out and back in their car seats again.

I am very thankful for online shopping, and especially for sites that offer free shipping. If I had to take the boys on all my trips, no one would get anything! I am hoping for a good night's sleep tonight and better moods tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving and 20 months old

2011-11-27T18:49:00.000-08:00

The guys in their super-cute Thanksgiving outfits, waiting for mama to get ready.

Last night as I was falling asleep I realized- it was the boys' 20 month birthday and I had totally forgotten! I guess we are getting to the age where fewer things change month to month.

We had a lovely and fairly quiet Thanksgiving. For the first time in many, many years none of my grandparents came for Thanksgiving. Some of my family is living overseas, in Israel and Kazakhstan, so they didn't come, either. In the past we've had 25 or more people at the table, but this year we only had 15, including Benjamin and Asher.

15 people still require 2 turkeys

Smoked turkey, which Eric made

Eric and I were worried, because the boys didn't really nap during the day, and we planned to keep them up past their normal bedtime to be with the family, but they both were in great moods, and so much fun. Benjamin adored the turkey, and double-fisted it. They were a little more picky about the other foods, and had so much fun playing with their cousins that they didn't even want dessert.

Handsome Benjamin

Asher being a goofball

Benjamin on the rocking horse

The boys had a great time and stayed in good moods the entire evening. They got to bed around 9, which is two hours later than their normal bed time. I had that eternal hope that a late bedtime would result in a late wake time, but no such luck-- they were up at 6:45!

The rest of the weekend was fairly low-key. I saw my sister and my cousin, got exercise, and on Friday night Eric and I went out to dinner with another couple, which was a lot of fun.

Benjamin getting ready to zip-line

Asher getting on the zip-line

On Saturday morning the boys and I got hair cuts. I didn't really want to cut Asher's beautiful blond curls, but his hair was getting long in the back. Both boys were perfectly behaved for their hair cuts.

In the afternoon we went over to my aunt and uncle's, where my uncle had built a zip-line for my little cousins to play on while they visited. We managed to get Benjamin to take a ride on it, but Asher wouldn't stay on the seat. Then I wanted a ride on it, which I did. Unfortunately, the zip-line was built for people who weigh about 50 pounds, and I weigh more than that, so I ended up with my butt on the ground in the middle of it! It was fun anyway, and it gave the family something to laugh at.

Because the weather has been so beautiful, we've tried to take advantage of it. Today we went to the zoo (the 3rd weekend in a row that the boys have been!). They seem to like the children's zoo the most, and even seem to recognize it when we're close. They love petting and grooming the goats and sheep.

Benjamin grooming the goat

Asher grooming the goat

Asher was very affectionate with the goats, and even went to give one goat a kiss on the lips! Good thing I'm not a major germophobe. After the petting zoo, we went to wash hands, and the boys knew exactly what to do. I am not sure who likes the zoo more, the boys or their parents. I love seeing the animals, and the big cats are much more active now that the weather is cooler.

Overall, we have had a wonderful, if sleep-deprived, weekend. The boys get cranky when they're not well-rested, and we had some tantrums this weekend. It reminded me how lucky I am to have two children with easy-going temperaments! Even their tantrums were short and relatively painless. Just like their parents, those children need their sleep!

1st trip without the boys

2011-11-20T18:14:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I went away, no husband, no children. I went to visit my sister up in Boston. Approaching the trip, I had mixed feelings. I was eager to visit her, to have a girls' weekend, and to go back to a city that I love; but I worried about how much I would miss the boys, and how Eric would handle a full weekend alone with them. Fortunately, everyone had a great weekend, both at home and away!

I left early on Saturday morning, and Eric and the boys drove me to the airport. I flew up to Boston, and it was such an easy trip. Not too many people at the airport, the flight left on time and arrived early, and the weather was perfect. My sister picked me up and we went to breakfast at Hi-Rise, which was where I was working At the time when Eric and I met and started dating. The managers there are the same ones from when I worked there, so it's always nice to catch up. We ate a lot of food, and then visited my mom's parents, who were happy to see us.

After visiting the family, we did some shopping in Harvard Square, but didn't have much luck finding anything. There aren't many stores left there; when I was younger there were a lot of stores we loved to visit, like Wordsworth Books, and they are now gone.

We went back to my sister's house and then went out for a long jog around Somerville and Medford, where she lives and goes to school. I saw her school campus, and some of the restaurants around, and the neighborhood. It's a cute area, with a lot to do.

Then we hung out until it was time for dinner, at Rendezvous in Central Square. We had a nice time just the two girls, and ate a lot of food (what's new?). My sister forced me to stop in at a party after dinner, even though it was after 10 pm and therefore my bedtime. I managed an hour, though! And then we went home to go to bed, and I couldn't sleep. Every time I started to fall asleep, I would start to think about my little boys at home in their pj's and how I hadn't kissed them goodnight and wouldn't be there when they woke up.

Eventually I managed to fall asleep, and then I slept until 9 am! I can't remember the last time I slept that late, but it was very nice. We made a huge brunch with her roommates, one of her roommate's parents, the downstairs neighbor, and my friend Cass. That lasted a while, and when it was over, Elana and I decided to go ride bikes.

Let me say that I have not really ridden a bike since we lived in Texas, and we left there in 1997. I don't own a bike, or a helmet, or anything. But it was nice weather, and I thought it might be fun. There's a bike share at her school, and so we rented a bike for me. Turns out that the bike wasn't really in tip-top shape- the seat wouldn't stay in one place, so it tilted up and down and swiveled side to side while I rode. We didn't end up getting very far, because on top of the bike not being great, I was not a great bike rider. At one point, my sister rode between a line of parked cars and a line of cars waiting at a red light, and I tried to follow, got nervous, and attempted to jump off the bike, which led to me lying on the ground with the bike on top of me. The guy in the car next to me rolled his window down and asked if I was ok... I assured him that I was fine, but out of practice. Oy!

We stopped for a hot dog and curly fries at Spike's, which started in Providence, mere yards from my freshman dorm, and was a staple of my late, drunken nights in college.

Then we made a mad dash to Flour Bakery, because their cookbook is my current obsession. That is another post in and of itself, because I could go on forever about the recipes in there. I got a brownie for Eric, and a half-sandwich and cookie for myself. I had the brownie in one bag, and the sandwich and cookie in another, and the brownie weighed more! It was very rich and delicious.

After that, it was pretty much time to go on. I probably could have continued eating for another week, but I had to leave. I had another uneventful and efficient flight home, and got home around 10 pm on Sunday night.

While I had a wonderful weekend away, and a great time with my sister, it was hard to come home. I was happy to see all 3 of my boys again, but I found our routine hard on Monday and Tuesday. It's hard to believe that 2 days away would throw me off so much, but it did. Eric said he thought that the boys had missed me-- at one point Asher was at the front door crying out "Ma! Ma!" but on Monday I didn't notice any major excitement in seeing me. I gave them extra kisses anyway, because I needed them.

Next up it's Eric's turn. I'm not sure what exactly he'll do, but we're talking about him taking a week long (or 10 day) meditation retreat. He had wanted to do that when I was pregnant, but when I was put on bed rest, all his plans went on hold so that he could babysit me. The trip is long overdue for him!

I don't have anymore trips away from the boys planned, but I would love it if Eric and I went somewhere this spring or summer. We'll see...

Benjamin's early intervention evaluation

2011-11-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

Benjamin the fashion icon

A couple of weeks ago Benjamin had an evaluation with early intervention to see if he qualified for services to help him learn to talk. The end result is that, despite the fact that he doesn't really talk, he does not qualify for services.

It was interesting to watch the evaluation. We had Asher evaluated in November of 2010, when he was a little under 8 months old, and it was completely different with an 18 month old. At 8 months I was impressed with Asher's physical abilities, but there wasn't much else the team could look at. With an 18 month old, the number and variety of skills they look at is so much greater!

The evaluator sat with Benjamin on the floor and played with a variety of toys. While the boys and I play a lot, I have never specifically watched to see what skills they had. Benjamin was able to do everything the evaluator needed him to after watching her do it just once. He stacked things, fit shapes into a cube, and put sticks in small holes. The evaluator watched him eat his lunch and said he ate in a very "mature" way. He watches our mouths when we talk, and makes eye contact. The evaluator said he shows that he has all the elements he needs to talk, and that it will likely start soon.

It was a great opportunity for me to really focus on Benjamin and all his skills. His fine motor skills seem very good, and he is clearly curious and a quick learner. He still isn't talking much, he will occasionally say "hello" and "more." He says "daddy" a lot, and he says "no," but not always at the appropriate time! Sometimes he and Asher seem to be babbling a great deal, and sometimes they seem silent. I still worry about them. I notice other kids their age saying a lot more.

In the meantime, Asher will be getting a speech teacher, so whatever she does with him, we will do with both of them. I am hoping things happen soon!

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T18:58:00.000-07:00

my sheep in their jeep

Maybe I should say unhappy halloween? Judging from the looks on their faces, I would say this isn't their favorite holiday.

However, they let me put their costumes on them- including the hats!- and didn't rip off the fur or the hats. They let us cart them around to some neighbors' houses to say hello. I can't ask for anything more at this age!

I gave them a snickers to share, which they seemed to love the taste of. Unfortunately, Asher didn't chew it well and started to cough, and I knew I was about to see that snickers bar again. My mom and I caught the start of it in our hands, and while we were inside washing our hands, my dad got the rest of it in his hands. Anything to save the white sheep costume!

Otherwise the night was uneventful. We had our neighbors over to share dinner and our candy. We had Halloween with them two years ago when I was pregnant, then last year took a picture of our boys with their then 4-day old son! This year my boys were both running circles and their son was crawling and pulling up all over the house.

an attempt to pose all 3 boys. only 2 out of 3 cooperated.

want some candy?

benjamin

asher

I can't believe I came up with an idea, and made their costumes. I don't consider myself especially creative, or crafty, so I am impressed. Of course, big thank yous to my mom and mother-in-law for helping with crafty ideas and some sewing, and Eric for making the jeep grill and headlights. Overall, a good Halloween!

19 months, and boo at the zoo

2011-10-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

beep beep! sheep in a jeep!

Oh my goodness, 19 months! We have been having a lot of fun. This past weekend, we had a visit from Eric's mom, which was great except for the trip to the E.R.

On Sunday we took the boys to "boo at the zoo," as an opportunity to get them in their costumes. You may notice that Asher is in a fuzzy sheep shirt and Benjamin is in a plain white shirt. That is because Benjamin wouldn't have anything to do with the fuzzy shirt, and the second I pulled the shirt over his head, he began pulling the fur off and throwing it on the ground. You may also notice that Asher has a sheep hat on, and that Benjamin's head is bare. That is because Benjamin refused to wear his hat, and kept ripping it off. He did all the costume-tearing-apart in front of the long line of people waiting to board the shuttle to the zoo, and boy, did they get a laugh out of it.

uh oh! the jeep won't go!

sleepy sheep

Asher got a lot of compliments on his costume. Unfortunately, the zoo was a zoo, and we didn't actually get to see many animals. Daddy-Eric got tired of towing the "jeep" full of sheep, and I got overheated in my wintery clothes. We didn't stay too long!

Bear-sheep and his mommy

Benja-sheep and his memere

While Eric's mom visited, she and Eric rented a carpet-cleaner and Eric shampooed all of our carpets. No visit from memere would be complete without her leaving the house a little cleaner than when she arrived!

Memere with Asher in his Maine shirt

Serious Benjamin in his Maine shirt

Now the boys won't see Eric's parents until Christmas, which I know is hard for them, but will be here before we know it!

1st ER visit

2011-10-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Smiling after the fear had passed

On Saturday, we were having a lovely visit with Memere. At her request, we went to Ikea to look at all their wonderful organizational tools and furniture. The boys loved playing in the kids' furniture section, and were jumping on the bed playing "night-night."

Asher on the bed, Benjamin beside him, and Daddy Eric coming through the wall

Benjamin mid-bed flop

Right after swiveling themselves dizzy on their desk chairs, Benjamin tripped over his feet and fell on the floor. He started to cry, but I assumed he was just tired- they had not yet napped. I picked him up, and he cried some more, but calmed down. I was carrying him, and every time I shifted him he cried some more, which started to worry me. Then when we got to the car and I went to change his diaper, he got hysterical. I tried to see if he was hurt, but he was just crying and crying. We strapped him in to the car seat, but was sitting stiffly, looking like something was definitely wrong. I offered him a sippy of milk, and he only moved one arm to push it away.

So I said, "Something's wrong, let's go to the hospital!" On the way to the hospital, I decided that he had suffered some serious injury and was paralyzed. Unfortunately, I am not kidding and I actually am that crazy. He wasn't moving his legs, or his arms. When he was still, he wasn't crying, and actually fell asleep in the car.

I was losing it, asking Eric and my mother-in-law if they thought that he was paralyzed, and I started playing through scenarios in my head about how we would take care of him if he were paralyzed, and all kinds of terrible, awful things. After about the 10th time I asked, I think Eric was ready to punch me.

At the hospital, I rushed in and stood there, panicking while other people registered. When I told the woman at the desk what was wrong, I said I was worried because he wasn't moving his legs or his arm. Well! Apparently that is the way to get immediate attention at the ER! I swear I never said "paralyzed" to them, but obviously the implication was bad enough. We got a room, and nurses right away. Eric took Asher and my mother-in-law home. Benjamin stayed snuggled on my lap the whole time, and was quiet unless anyone touched him.

It became apparent that he was only having trouble with his left arm. I put some music on, and he was bouncing both legs to the music, and tapping my arm with his right hand. Benjamin got his arm x-rayed, and he just screamed! It was heartbreaking for me. I held his hands and kissed his head. He looked so small on the big x-ray table, and so vulnerable.

I started to suspect that maybe it was just his elbow out of the socket. That happened to me all the time when I was little. Benjamin only cried when someone moved his arm, and then was quiet when he was still. I asked the x-ray tech if that might be it, and she said that often when that happens, it will pop back in when it's manipulated for the x-ray. And wouldn't you know, just a few minutes after the x-ray, Benjamin perked right up and started moving his left arm, and even putting weight on it. What a relief! I went out to the nurses and told them that he seemed fine, and they got us on our way shortly after that.

It was exhausting to worry so much about him (even if a lot of the worry was self-inflicted). I just feel lucky that it wasn't anything serious, and that we got such prompt treatment. I hope we don't have to go back anytime soon, either!

never say never

2011-10-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

After reading a post on one of the online boards I frequent, I started thinking about all the things I've done as a mother that I swore I wouldn't do before I had kids. I can't even think of all of them, but here are a few:

* Let the baby/babies sleep in our bed. When they were not sleeping through the night, this was the easiest way for me to get some rest and still nurse them.

*Forget to pee or shower because I was taking care of the baby. Whenever I heard new moms say that they hadn't had time to pee or shower, I thought that was ridiculous. Who can't find time to pee for 30 seconds? And then I had a baby who needed to be held constantly, and who would get hysterical if I put him down, and there went the showers. Oh, and I learned to pee while holding an infant in my arms.

* Continue to breast feed after the babies are able to ask for it/walk up to me and start touching my breasts. Yup.

* Use food as bribes or rewards. Sometimes I need to do something like, say, buy food for the family, and the boys are cranky. So they get snacks while we shop to make the experience more pleasant for all of us. And now I am trying to teach them to say words to get food, and it works.

* Let the TV "parent" them. If it keeps them in one place for long enough for me to make them breakfast, and no one is tap-dancing on the kitchen table, then it works for me.

* Eat food off their tray when they're done eating. I don't know what to say, sometimes I'm hungry, and cold macaroni and cheese is somehow appealing.

* Drive a minivan. Eric and I agreed, what would we get in a minivan that we couldn't get in a station wagon? Minivans are for soccer moms, right? Well, you try squeezing your behind between two convertible carseats in the back seat of a small station wagon so you can entertain your kids during a 6 hour car ride; and then try packing 2 pack n plays, a double-stroller, diapers, baby clothes, and oh, right, your own suitcase in the back of that station wagon. I hate driving a minivan, but I love having one.

* I also thought it would be no problem for Eric and me to take time for ourselves and our relationship. I always thought that we would have lots of date nights or time to focus on our relationship. Ha. We both focus on the boys, and then when the boys are in bed at the end of the night, collapse. Date nights are few and far between!

In other ways, I am definitely the total cliche of a "mom." I wear yoga pants most days I don't have to work, and forget makeup or doing anything special to my hair. I drive around in my minivan full of cracker and cheerio crumbs, say "excuse us!" in the grocery store aisles, and am grateful someone invented the hot dog. It's a long way from my former life, but I am loving (almost) every minute of it!

apple picking fail

2011-10-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

"Do you see any apples? I don't see any apples..."

On Sunday, inspired by all the adorable pictures of our friends at apple orchards and pumpkin patches with their cute kids in wagons, we set out to pick apples at a nearby orchard.

Well, their website said picking was good. Ha. Late Sunday afternoon of a beautiful weekend in October meant that there was nothing left! The trees were completely bare!

We trekked up and down the orchard, in 80+ degrees, with the sun on us, hauling over 50 pounds of baby, and found nothing. I am sure that the orchard's store had already-picked apples and other things we could have purchased, but Eric and I were so disappointed that we just got in the car and left.

The only plus from the whole thing was that the boys didn't know what "We're going apple picking!" meant, so they weren't so disappointed when their big adventure was just rolling around an orchard in a wagon.

Next year, we're going in September.

18 month well visit

2011-10-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

Beep beep! Cute boys coming through!

Today we had the boys' 18 month well visit at the pediatrician.

Benjamin is 33 inches tall, 24.6 pounds, and his head is 19.5" around.

Asher is also 33 inches tall, 25 pounds, and his head is 18.5" around.

Eric and I really think that Asher is taller than Benjamin, but maybe we are wrong? Asher's legs are certainly longer than Benjamin's- those are Eric's genes, not mine!

They are perfectly healthy, and our only concern is their lack of words. I am not sure how concerned the nurse practitioner we saw was, because I told her we had already scheduled consults for both of them for speech. She said that would be their only recommendation as well at this point. This morning Asher's physical therapist was evaluating him and said he is right on in everything except speaking, which she estimated to be at a 10 month level! I don't think he is that far behind, he has some words and uses signs, and understands almost everything we say to him. We'll see when we have his speech consult on Monday!

We also went back to the playground we had visited over the weekend, and the boys had a good time. This time, I had room on the memory card for lots of pictures! They loved the slide, and could not get enough. What big boys, flying down all by themselves!

big boy bed update

2011-10-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

Monday night after I wrote that all was well, I went and peeked in on Asher. Yes, he had gone to sleep without a peep, but he had gone to sleep in the middle of the floor! I picked him up and put him in his bed.

We thought we would open the door to his room and our room, and put a gate at the top of the stairs so he could come get us if he woke up- which he did at 1:30 in the morning. Then he was up for good around 6, and woke up Benjamin. We tried to ignore them in the hopes they would go back to sleep, but Benjamin's cries escalated- he had peed out his diaper and his pj's were wet.

So we were up pretty early, and both boys were exhausted. I tried morning naps and Asher would not get in/stay in his bed, and Benjamin also went crazy. When I got in to Benjamin, he had taken his pajamas off and started to take off his diaper, and he was very unhappy. So nap time was over.

Today things have been better- Asher got himself down for a nap in the morning, and after a little snuggle and some kisses, fell asleep by himself in his bed tonight. Yesterday I was ready to have Eric put the crib rails back on his bed because I was having so much trouble with the transition.

Not only is it hard to have Asher cry, or bang on his door at 6 am because he is awake and wants to play, but the lack of napping is difficult for me. Those 60-90 minutes in the morning allow me to shower, clean, get food ready for our lunches, or even just come online for a few minutes. Without any naps, I get two cranky boys looking for trouble, and I get tired pretty quickly. That said, I have been very happy to be a part-time working mommy these past two days. I like the time by myself on the drive to and from work, and I don't worry about their naps, or whether they are cranky.

At this point, it seems that the transition to toddler bed is not a complete failure, but it has been stressful! We're tired, and our nighttime sleep has been disrupted (last night Asher was up around 11:30), which we haven't had to deal with in many months. I am not looking forward to doing this again with Benjamin!

Bear in a big boy bed

2011-10-03T18:42:00.000-07:00

What's that bed? That's Asher's toddler bed- no more crib!

He started climbing out right after we got home from our vacation to Cape Cod, but after 1 day the novelty wore off and he stopped doing it.

Until this weekend, when he started again. He's very good at it, and has great control, so I was not worried about him getting hurt on the way out, but then he would run all over the room, and disturb Benjamin. And he couldn't get back in.

After nap time today, which was a bit of a fiasco, I told Eric it was time to convert his crib to a toddler bed. Asher's verbal comprehension is not good enough to explain what we're doing or why, so I had some anxiety about making the transition.

We went upstairs before dinner time to explore his new room with him (we separated the boys so that if Asher decides to run around like a nut, he won't disturb Benjamin). We lay on his bed, and he ran around the room, and we played a little.

At bedtime, he seemed very excited about the bed. Here he is jumping off the bed on to the floor:

And here he is getting into the only trouble he could find in the room:

When it was time to go to sleep, I sang his goodnight song to him, and lay him down in his bed with his blanket. He looked up at me with wide, surprised eyes, as if he were saying, "Wait, this isn't where I sleep!" I left and he cried, so I sent Eric in.

Eric lay down on the floor and pretended to sleep, and put Asher back in bed and told him he slept there. It took only a few minutes until Eric came out and I didn't hear another peep! I hope it stays quiet the rest of the night, we could all use a good night's sleep!

my first post-babies 5k

2011-10-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

This morning the boys and I ran a 5k. I have been taking them jogging ever since we got the jog stroller, but not any known distance or set amount of time. Our neighbor, Amy, and I have been talking about doing a race since she was pregnant, and her son is now 11 months old! Amy got it together and ran a half-marathon a few weeks ago, but this was her first event with the jog stroller.

We ran the 5k in 36 minutes, which is not very fast. But we didn't walk at all (although I did stop to tie my shoe), so that was good. The boys- my two and Amy's son, Paden- were a big hit. There were lots of other mommies (and some daddies) with jog strollers, too.

heading to the starting line

and, we're off!

Coming up the final hill. Amy is smiling, and I am grimacing!

At the finish line

My two beautiful boys

Benjamin thinks mommy is #1

Yesterday Grandpa Nick and I took the boys to a big playground in Fairmount Park, in Philadelphia. They had a huge wooden slide that we went down on burlap sacks. The boys loved it! I tried to take some photos, but our camera memory card was full, so I only got these two:

Benjamin on the tire swing

Asher balancing on the wall. He balances better with his thumb in his mouth.

It was a pretty big event, and we heard some music and saw a tarantula. They had Italian food, but the boys would not eat. They seem too distracted when we are out, or in crowds, to eat well.

Eric and I have also been cooking a lot. Yesterday we made homemade gnocchi, turkey meatballs, roasted acorn squash, and bok choy. Today Eric baked bread and I made a pot of lentil soup with kale, which Eric liked even though it was healthy. We haven't baked anything for dessert, so that's kind of a problem, but otherwise, our fridge is now full of delicious, homemade food.

This past week was also Rosh Hashanah, and we set out for synagogue on Thursday with the best of intentions. But then the road we usually take was closed, and I told Eric to pull over so that we could get directions- and he pulled over into a wooden stake. There was a huge popping sound and then I saw air gusting out of the back tire of our van. Fortunately my mom was able to come get the boys and me, and Eric changed the tire, but skipped services. Lucky for him, he'll get another chance this coming weekend for Yom Kippur!

18 months old!?!?

2011-09-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

How did this happen? How did we get two big toddlers out of those two itty bitty babies?

On their birth day, March 26, 2010:

And here they are today:

Benjamin

Asher doing "gymnastics"

Asher at dinner, roaring, with chicken in his hair and pasta sauce on his face

The boys are trying and enjoying all kinds of new activities, like coloring at their table:

And eating with spoons:

We've been using some signs for the past week, since the boys are still not really talking. They clearly understand us, and can follow commands like, "bring me the shoes," "give me/daddy/your brother a kiss,"and can understand and ignore things like, "stop!" and "please don't do that!" Asher, especially, has picked up signs and is communicating fairly well.

giving each other kisses

"Benjamin, get down! Benjamin, the salt is not a toy!"

I have to say, these sweet boys are full of personality. I said to a friend yesterday, "Do you know any kids who are more rambunctious than mine?" and she said, after a pause, "No." They are very good-natured, and loving, and generally easy-going, but they are very high energy. If they're awake, they're probably moving. They both like to make trouble in their own way; Asher is an outright mischief-maker and will turn in circles in the middle of the room looking for what he can do next, and Benjamin is a little more surreptitious, and generally makes his trouble quietly.

They still love to eat fruits and vegetables, and Benjamin will try anything once. They love broccoli, strawberries, apple, peas, string beans, hot dogs, cheese, and pastas with red sauce. Every once in a while they will love something unusual, like farro salad with goat cheese. They don't especially love desserts like cake, but they do like animal crackers and graham crackers.

They are still nursing. Benjamin nurses 3 times a day, and Asher nurses more than that. Asher still says "Na!" for nurse and will get louder and more insistent if he doesn't get nursed right away. He can be distracted pretty easily if we are out or busy, but if we are at home and not actively engaged in something he likes to nurse.

We call Asher the "green-eyed Bear monster" because he is very possessive of me, and will sometimes sit on top of Benjamin if Benjamin and I are snuggling. This is one reason why I haven't pushed Asher down to one nap a day, because it gives me time alone with Benjamin. Benjamin is definitely doing one nap a day now, but I often put him in the pack n play for an hour in the morning so that I can shower and do some cleaning up around the house.

We've had a good September, and are looking forward to October. We will get to see family for 3 weekends in a row, and then end with Halloween. In the meantime, we are trying to enjoy the warm fall weather by getting out for walks and jogs and trips to the play ground. I am dreading getting stuck inside all winter, so we better make the most of it!

"do twins run in your family?"

2011-09-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

Cute boy special: two for the price of one at the farmer's market!

Every mother of twins (or any number of multiples) probably gets this question a lot. I am not sure if it is just curiosity, or fascination with multiples, or fishing for tales of fertility treatment, but it is one of the questions I get most frequently when I'm out with the boys.

Sometimes when people ask if twins run in the family, I will be glib in response and tell them "No, it was a 2-for-1 special at Main Line Fertility!" Last weekend, when my parents came out of the farmer's market, each pushing a boy in a cart, I was reminded of my answer!

Instead of the "do twins run in your family" question, I sometimes get a variation of it, which is something like, "Were you surprised when you found out you were having twins?" (Answer: no. I put back two excellent-quality embryos and had very high hormone levels early on) or "How far into your pregnancy did you find out you were having twins?" (5 weeks exactly, at my first ultrasound).

I am always very honest with people and say that no, twins do not run in my family, and that they are a result of fertility treatment. I am not ashamed of the fact that we needed assistance to conceive, and consider myself extremely lucky to now have two perfectly healthy children.

Sometimes people say that they always wanted twins, or that they had two children 15 months apart, which is a lot like having twins. I think other moms of multiples get upset at these comments; I am only bothered by people saying that they always wanted twins. People who have never had a twin pregnancy will never know the anxiety or concern that comes with a high-risk pregnancy, and I wouldn't wish it on them. Yes, it is a faster route to making a family of 4, but it certainly isn't easier.

I know that other moms of multiples would kill me for saying this, but I think that once you get past the first 6 months with twins, it is easier to have twins than it is to have two children 15 or so months apart. Twins go through the stages of development at approximately the same time- they are immobile at the same time, and mobile at the same time. They play with the same toys, so I don't have the jumperoo and the cozy coupe taking up space in my living room. I honestly can't imagine having one toddler and one very needy infant, when the toddler still needs (and is accustomed to) a great deal of attention, and the infant is attached to you at all times. In the early months with my boys, I always felt like there wasn't enough of me to go around, but both boys survived, and thrived, and now seem perfectly happy with the amount of mommy they get. It must be so hard to have one child, to whom you can completely devote yourself, and then have to take some of that attention away to focus on a new baby.

Twins also entertain each other, and at times that makes life easier. They're not dependent on my attention every minute, and always have each other to play with. I worry less because even in a new and strange situation, they aren't alone and have each other for reassurance, which makes things easier for me.

So, no, twins don't run in my family, and my twin pregnancy wasn't a huge surprise, and it wasn't easy to stay pregnant for 36 weeks or live through those crazy first few months of their lives, but I can also understand why someone might actually want twins of their own.

Benjamin's 1st hair cut

2011-09-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

We took Benjamin for his first haircut on Saturday. I had been saying that we didn't really need to do it yet, but on Friday night when we were saying the Shabbat prayers, my dad put a yarmulke on Benjamin's head and Eric pulled Benjamin's little curls over his ears like they were peyes, so maybe they were a little too long. He just had a tiny trim, but it really makes him look much more like a little boy than a baby.

holding on to mommy for safety

making sure there's no funny business

very serious about the hair cut

I went through Eric's camera photos and found this photo from August, when we went to DC:

Eric holding Asher, Grandpa Sy, Grandma Tenny, me holding Benjamin

And this picture from our trip to Cape Cod, when we let Benjamin color with crayons. I think Benjamin looks so adorable here! I told my mom that he could be a baby model, look at his face, his legs, etc! My mom thought perhaps I am a little biased. Well, maybe I am, but I still think he is cute as can be.

Benjaboo, baby model

Babies!

2011-09-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today we attended baby Eli's bris. It went off without a hitch, which is exactly what you want at a bris. There was plenty of family and friends, and while the mohel and rabbi spoke about the baby, you could see people overwhelmed with emotions. Later my mom and I talked about it, and various friends had come up to each of us to tell us what was on their minds; mainly families that are far away, both physically and emotionally.

Tiny baby Eli in his grandma Jane's arms, with his family looking on

Yesterday I hosted a baby shower at my house for my friend Alex. She was supposed to be 36 weeks pregnant at the shower, but baby Bianca had other ideas and was born 2 weeks ago! Fortunately Bianca is perfectly healthy and already home from the hospital, so we celebrated without worry.

Alex (far right) with friends

It seems like I know so many people who are pregnant... or trying to get pregnant... or just had a baby. Seeing Eli today, and holding him, made me realize that my boys, even though I call them my babies, are truly not babies anymore. They're little boys! I don't even remember what they were like when they were so small.

I do remember the anxiety, the lack of sleep at night, the trouble with breastfeeding, and the constant newborn pooping, but it seems like ages ago that they could fit in one hand and snuggled up on my shoulder. I want to get pregnant again, and yet I'm not ready. Eric and I are both thoroughly enjoying this stage with the boys. They have great personalities, they're very loving, playful, curious, and sweet.

It feels like Asher has had a growth spurt. He seems so much taller and heavier, noticeably more so than Benjamin. Pants seem shorter on him, and I have a lot of shopping to do to get ready for fall and winter.

me holding my blond-haired Bear baby

Asher checking out his big cousin Trudi (whose nickname is also Bear!)

We are trying to enjoy these last few summery days, with walks and jogs, and dips in the pool. I am worried that the winter will be long, cooped up in the house with two energetic toddlers. I see lots of play dates in our future.

My health has also been on my mind this past week. Over the summer, I noticed lumpy lymph nodes in my neck. I went to the doctor, and she said it was probably nothing, but she took some blood to check for mono. My bloodwork was normal, so I went back again on Friday. She sent me for a chest x-ray, which made me very anxious. Fortunately, my doctor called this morning and said that everything looks just fine. I spent the weekend worrying that it might be cancer, and then what would I do? I am not usually prone to hypochondria, but I've also never had undiagnosed symptoms. In any case, everything is fine, which is a relief.

cape cod vacation, and more

2011-09-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe how long it's been since I wrote an entry! I missed the boys' 17 month birthday because we were getting ready to go on our annual vacation to Cape Cod. Hurricane Irene was on her way, but we decided that we would get up there ahead of the storm and be there as soon as it passed so we could start having fun as soon as possible.

The hurricane itself was pretty much nothing on the Cape. There was some wind, but no rain. At one point the sun was even shining!

Benjamin's hair blowing in the hurricane wind

We lost power around 4 pm on Sunday. We didn't think the power would be out for long since the wind didn't seem too awful. We went out to dinner on Sunday night, and the boys were wonderfully well-behaved. No one seemed too worried about the storm, and as we drove home from the restaurant, we could see lights on almost all the way to our house.

We had a great time playing trivia in the candlelight, and we even got my mom to play with us, which is incredible, since she has a general rule that she won't play games. We laughed so hard, and it was so nice to be engaged with each other, not each involved in our own books, computers, or the TV. The power flickered once while we were playing the game, and then came on for a few minutes around 11. I really thought the power would be on by the time we woke up.

But no such luck, the next day there was no power and not a flicker of anything. My dad managed to get a generator going, so we had the fridge on and running water, which made the situation easy to tolerate. That night we grilled food for dinner, and then played Uno by candlelight (we couldn't get my mom to play games two nights in a row, though!).

The next morning Eric and my dad took the boys on a bike ride to the donut shop and left the ladies in peace and quiet. It was a beautiful day, and we were sitting outside in the sunshine when the power came on! We celebrated by making coffee, we were all in wonderful moods. And then the power went out. My mom, sister and I took the boys to the pond to swim, and while we were out, the power came back on, this time for good.

The week was busy, and it just flew by. We went to the pond, and to the beach. The boys didn't love the water, and swimming, but they did love running around, and would always go up to other families and children and stand there until they were noticed. They borrowed lots of toys, and made new friends wherever we went. I admit that I did look at the adults who didn't have children, who were lying out and reading with some envy, but I wouldn't trade my boys for anything. I loved watching and experiencing the world through their eyes.

The biggest problem on our trip was sleep. Things started out just fine, but then Asher remembered that he knew how to get out of the pack n play, and it went downhill from there. Naps consisted of Asher jumping out, running around the room, occasionally throwing things at Benjamin while was trying to sleep, climbing in Benjamin's pack in play with him, and pulling over furniture. Oy! So we went down to 1 nap a day, and would stay busy all morning, then drive home and hope they boys would fall asleep in the car. Nights were another issue altogether, and by the end of the trip I really was ready to come home and get the boys back in their cribs.

My parents and my sister all commented that my boys are exhausting, and that they were eager to get home and have some rest. My sister has not always been understanding of what my life is like with children, and I think this vacation gave her some perspective.

At the end of the trip, Eric had planned to drive up to Maine to visit his family and help his brother. On Sunday morning he asked how I would feel if he took one of the boys up with him. My initial reaction was "No way!", but everyone else thought it was a good idea, so I acquiesced. In the end, I think it was a good idea- Eric's family doesn't get to see the boys frequently enough, and it is much, much easier to be a single parent to one toddler than to two!

On the way home from the Cape we went through Providence and got some dinner. Asher walked around Brown, and we went by my freshman dorm. Asher loved it! He loved all the different people he saw, the musicians in the street, and especially all the young ladies. Asher is quite the ladies' man already- while we walked he would cross the sidewalk to smile at and approach all the college girls! They all seemed quite taken with him, too. Being back on my college campus, watching all the students come back for the school year and happily greet their friends made me nostalgic for my college years. And yet it was surreal to walk past the door I used to enter my freshman dorm all those years ago holding the hand of my beautiful son. I know I never imagined what my life would be like at this point, and while I miss the excitement of a new school year, I am more than content with the life I live now.

In the car on the way home, I watched Asher sleep and thought about how perfect and beautiful he is. Some people are blessed to have one perfect child, and I have two! How can I be so lucky?

Today was also an exciting day- my cousin went into labor and delivered her first child, a baby boy! We went to the hospital tonight hoping to meet him, but he was in the nursery getting a bath. He is small and very cute. Asher raced up and down the hallway while we waited. It felt like just yesterday that I was there after delivering my two boys. We saw one of the residents who helped with the delivery and said hello- she said that both Asher and I look great!

My day of being a single mom is over, and Eric and Benjamin should get home tomorrow afternoon while I'm at work. It is so quiet with just half the family, and I miss my other half so much. I can't wait to hug and kiss Benjamin (and Eric, too!).

I will post some pictures from our trip once Eric gets home with the camera, I haven't even seen the photos we took but I'm hoping they're cute!

Asher started saying "na, na," which he used first just to nurse, but now just means "give me a drink!" They are imitating sounds and words more now, which is good. Benjamin is also starting to say "more" when he wants more food.

book worm!

2011-08-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

Asher reading with daddy

All of a sudden, Asher has started to love books! We have always had books around, but up until recently, they mostly got treated as chew toys or were ignored completely. Now Asher will pick up a book and bring it to us, and sit in our laps while we read to him. His favorite books are "Goodnight, Moon" (especially the page with the 3 little bears sitting in chairs), "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, what do you see?" (his favorite page is the purple cat), "I Love You, Little One" (as seen above), and "The Poky Little Puppy." It is a pleasure to read to him, have him pick things out on the page, and I will make animal noises and he will try to imitate me making them. Eric and I are big readers, so what a relief that our children are starting to love books, too!

day trip to DC

2011-08-20T18:33:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. I didn't realize til seeing this picture that Dad and I were also twins!

Today we (Eric, the boys, my parents, and I) took a day trip to DC to see my dad's parents. I have to say, it was pretty exhausting! We left right after breakfast, and after dealing with traffic, made it to DC in time for lunch.

The boys were not interested in eating, except when Asher bit Benjamin's finger, which made Benjamin cry. Eric and my dad ended up walking up and down the sidewalk with them while the rest of us scarfed down our lunches. I would say conversation was minimal, at best.

My grandparents' apartment was far from childproof, but the boys managed to find a broom and a dustbuster to play with. This meant following them everywhere, because they would swing the broom around and come very close to knocking over things like lamps and breakable tchotchkes.

Fortunately we had swim diapers in the car, and there was a pool at the apartment complex. Eric and I took the boys for a swim- there was a little kiddie pool, so we didn't have to get in. I did get completely wet, though, between the splashing and holding wet children. But the weather was perfect and the boys had a good time playing, waving hello to every person lounging by the pool, and making mad dashes for the big pool.

Then we got in the car and headed home- so we probably spent about 6 hours driving and 2.5 hours in DC, but we hadn't been since my grandmother's party in November, and my grandfather's health is not wonderful. We're not sure how long my grandparents will be around, so every visit counts. I think my grandparents were tired just watching us take care of the kids, because they made a few comments about how efficient I seemed to be, and how much energy I must spend taking care of them.

For a treat, we stopped at a little creamery in Delaware on our way home. The ice cream was so good! There was a seeing-eye dog there (he was off-duty) and Asher was in love with him. Asher was petting him, hugging him, crouched down with his arms around the dog and his cheek on the dog's back. It was really adorable. I hope the boys never ask me for a dog- as much as I can enjoy another person's dog, I don't think I could handle a high-maintenance pet in addition to twins. Neither boy really ate ice cream (how can my children not want ice cream?), but they enjoyed the break and time out of their car seats.

We got home and gave the boys a late dinner, then to bed with them. Other than a bike ride in the morning for Eric, we have no plans tomorrow- just the way the weekend should be!

a bear escaped!

2011-08-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

watching tv. what good is a brother if you can't sit on him?

We always separate the boys at nap times, since Asher tends to nap and Benjamin tends to not-nap. We have Asher in the pack n play in the guest room, since it is at the top of the stairs and he is a deeper sleeper, and will sleep through whatever noise and things are happening down stairs. Even though there is no monitor in there, I hear him when he wakes up because he tends to kick around in the pack n play, or open the dresser drawers. When I go up to get him, he is usually standing or sitting in the pack n play, and gives me his huge snaggle-tooth smile.

This morning I went to get him, and I opened the door to the guest room, peeked in to see the pack n play... empty. I pushed the door open a little more, and there stood my little Asher Bear, smiling proudly because he had escaped his cage! Apparently now that he has discovered this new skill, he is all done sleeping in the pack n play, and only wants to climb out. This is a problem, because we are leaving shortly for a vacation, and we planned for him to sleep in the pack n play!

practicing his karate kicks

We had a pretty good weekend- we went to the zoo with Meema on Saturday (and forgot to take the camera, dopes), went swimming, and Eric and I went out for a fancy grown-up dinner on Saturday night. It rained on Sunday, so we went to Ikea. After afternoon naps, and after the rain had stopped, we went to the playground and had it all to ourselves. The boys were slipping around a little, and Benjamin thought a wobbly Asher was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Every time Asher wobbled, Benjamin laughed hysterically, his big, adorable belly laugh. They get more physically adept and brave every time we go!

I think Meema is planning to treat them to a gymboree membership. As fall approaches and we have fewer outdoor activities, we will need an indoor place for them to get their energy out, so hopefully that will be the answer for us.

And happy birthday (tomorrow), Memere! We miss you!

day-to-day

2011-08-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

Our day-to-day, week-to-week routine has stayed the same for a while now. I don't know that anyone cares about it, but I wanted to record it for myself. Things work well, and the time seems to fly by.

Our general daily schedule is:
The boys wake up sometime around (or before) 7. If they are up before 7, we leave them in their room and they make noise at each other and I hopefully sleep through it.

At 7, we get up and the boys nurse. We used to nurse and snuggle in bed, but the boys are too active for that now, so we usually nurse down stairs. Sometimes Eric puts on PBS for them, but they don't seem to care or pay attention to the TV.

If the weather is good and we don't have physical therapy for Asher, we often go for walks or jogs before breakfast. We will walk with our neighbor and her daughter and dog, or jog just the 3 of us. While it wouldn't be my preference to jog before I eat anything, it is sometimes the only time of day that's cool enough to do it. The guys don't seem to mind it either. I love the fresh air and watching the wind in their hair as I jog.

Breakfast is usually around 8 am. Their breakfasts are french toast (Saturdays), pancakes (some Thursdays), toaster waffles, peanut butter toast with jam, or cream cheese and jam on cinnamon-raisin bread. Then they have fruit and milk.

After breakfast, we all play a little, and then naps start around 9. Asher is always ready to nap, and goes right down. Some mornings Benjamin will go to sleep right away, some mornings he will make noise for 45 minutes to an hour and then fall asleep, and some mornings he doesn't sleep at all.

If Benjamin isn't asleep by about 10, I'll get him up. If it's a weekend, or Eric is home, we sometimes run errands. Otherwise he can play by himself, or we'll play together until Asher wakes up, which happens around 10:30 or 11.

Once Asher is up, we often do something. On the weekends or a Monday we might go have lunch and a swim by the pool with Eric (weekend) or Meema (Monday), sometimes Asher has occupational therapy at noon on Mondays, or we will run errands or see friends.

Lunch is around noon. The boys eat leftovers from the night before, or peanut butter and jelly, or mac and cheese, or something easy! With lunch they have a vegetable, a fruit, and milk. Asher loves his vegetables, there are a lot of meals where he might reject everything but the green vegetables!

If Benjamin has not napped in the morning and we go out, he often falls asleep in the car on the way home. Once we're home, Asher goes down sometime by 2 pm.

They are usually up from afternoon naps by 4 pm, and then we sometimes have a neighborhood play date, or Eric will finish work early and we'll go swimming before dinner. I work two nights a week, and those nights the boys often go to the playground with Grandpa, who helps put them to bed on Tuesdays, or our friend Alyssa, who helps out on Wednesdays.

Thursdays always feel like the start to the weekend. When I get home from work around 5, the boys rush up to me and give me hugs and kisses, and I am always so happy to see them. Asher usually wants to nurse a few times after I get home. By the time the boys have stopped clinging to me, it's time for dinner! Most Thursdays we eat with the boys, since we've had dinner after they're in bed the past two nights.

Dinner is usually leftovers, or Eric makes delicious cheesy omelets for them, and then they have more vegetables and fruits. Sometimes they will have dessert, like a graham cracker or animal crackers, or very occasionally, ice cream.

After dinner, it is bed time. The boys love to climb the stairs themselves, and then they have a bath, get lotioned up, and into pj's. Asher has stopped nursing before bed, but Benjamin will nurse, and then they are in their cribs to fall asleep. They are usually in bed by 7:30, but we've had a few late nights recently after going out for ice cream or dinner at someone else's house.

Once they're down, Eric and I will often watch one of the few shows we can agree on, or read, or go on the internet and just have quiet time. Usually Eric and I eat dessert to reward ourselves for surviving another day as parents of toddler twins. Then Eric and I are in bed by 10:30 to try to get our rest before we wake up and do it all over again!

Between working 3 days a week and having busy weekends with family and friends, the weeks pass quickly. I cannot believe that our summer is almost over! In 2 weeks we leave for our family vacation on Cape Cod, and when that is over, so is the summer. Our routine won't change, other than that our days of swimming at my aunt and uncle's pool will dwindle, and we will have to shift to indoor activities. I am thinking of signing the boys up for gymnastics in the fall and swimming lessons in the winter, just so we can keep busy and not go crazy cooped up in the house.

first pair of sneakers

2011-08-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

Asher's shoe on the left, Benamin's on the right. On Eric's ipad.

Today the boys, my mom, and I went to the mall to buy the boys some new shoes. I really wanted sandals, since somehow, in the past two weeks, they outgrew the ones I got them in the spring. They grow so fast! I hadn't even realized how quickly it happened. The other night, while I was working, Asher ended up in a pair of smaller pajamas, and they were like capris on him! It turns out I missed the boat on sandals, and so we got sneakers that they can wear the next few months (I guess until they need snow boats, another upcoming purchase!).

Asher's shoe is a size 6.5 and Benjamin's is a 6. Their first steps in their big boy shoes were kind of tentative and wobbly, but then they took off! It was definitely bittersweet for me; I am both excited that I have such good walkers (runners), and having trouble reconciling the little boys running up and down the hall of the mall with the little babies who used to sleep in my arms.

Here is what else is new with us- Benjamin has a bit of a fascination with cleaning. He loves vacuums, brooms, and dustpans. Here are some pictures of him with his favorite not-toys:

"I want YOU to clean this living room!"

"Did you say this spot needed some extra attention?"

The picture of Benjamin wiping the floor happened after the boys knocked my water cup off the table. There was a big puddle on the floor, and I ran to get towels to mop it up. When I got back to the living room, Asher was on his hands and knees with his face on the floor slurping up the water. Benjamin was sitting next to him, laughing hysterically, and then trying to do it himself. So there the 3 of us were, on our hands and knees, the two of them slurping and laughing, and me mopping madly to try to stop them from drinking floor-water.

The boys are in a phase of imitating everything we do. Today I made a fish-face at Asher, which he tried to imitate by flapping his mouth open and closed. I had him do it for my mom tonight, and she turned to look at him while trying to get something out of her teeth, and Asher instantly switched to imitating her by sticking his finger in his mouth. This morning Eric had them both doing downward dog with him.

They also like sticking out their tongues at us if we stick ours out at them:

Looking at this picture of Asher, I think his torticollis is definitely improving.

Here is a picture of what started as a very sweet, brotherly hug. By the time I got back with the camera, this is what we had:

Asher is hysterical.

We have been lucky, these past few weeks, to get to see lots of old friends and family as they pass through town. Last night we had dinner with friends of ours who live in Amherst- my friend from high school in Texas and her husband and 4 year-old daughter. It is amazing to think how much our lives have changed since we met in 1994 in biology class. Back then we were two nerdy high school girls who had never had boyfriends. Now we're grown women, with each with a doctorate, husband, and child(ren). I am sure we could never have imagined ourselves where we are now!

it's awfully quiet out there...

2011-07-31T17:51:00.000-07:00

The other day we had one of those moments. Eric and I were in the kitchen trying to get food together to bring over to my parents' house for dinner, and I noticed it had gotten quiet in the living room where the boys were playing. I went into the living room and saw Benjamin near our pappasan chair (yes, we still have one. Eric wanted to throw it out but I am very attached to it and won't let him).

But where was Asher?

Asher was behind the chair, and he had somehow managed to get a big tub of diaper rash cream from the windowsill, and had opened the diaper rash cream.

He was massaging it into his leg, onto his shorts, his shirt, his hair...

I called Eric in to come and see, and when Eric saw what Asher was doing, he laughed. And Asher burst into tears, which set Benjamin off! We had two crying, diaper rash-creamed babies, and were already late to leave for dinner. Earlier, I had commented to Eric that I didn't think Asher's shorts and shirt matched (the sitter had dressed him), and Eric had told me there wasn't time to change him. I guess I got my way on that one!

It was just such a little boy incident, that they are not only exploring new things, but that Asher knows to rub lotions/and creams on himself, and that both boys knew they had done something wrong without us saying a word.

I only wish I had gotten a picture before the tears started!

2nd conceptiversary

2011-07-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

Today is two years since my boys were conceived! One year ago the memories of my IVF still felt so fresh, but now they feel much more distant. I almost want to laugh when I think of all that time I had to myself, and how I was able to actually rest in bed for bed rest.

I am so thankful for the miracles that brought us our little guys. My life is so much more full with them in it. Two years ago today I felt hopeful that I would conceive, get pregnant, stay pregnant, have a child. I don't think I could have imagined what life would be like today!

So happy 2nd conceptiversary to my 2 little boys, and to the 9 frozen embryos we have hanging out on ice somewhere!

16 months old!

2011-07-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

Sharing a chair

Today the boys are 16 months old! It feels like every month goes by more quickly than the month before, and while the boys do change rapidly, the change is much slower than it was in the first months of their life.

Doors? Who needs doors?

Everyday we have fun together. Both boys adore getting attention and will ham it up when they know they're being watched. They are clearly starting to understand when we say things to them like, "bedtime!' and "do you want to nurse?" Asher says "good good," and Benjamin will say "mama" when I prompt him.

Asher has stopped nursing before bed, and is picky about when he does nurse. He may be ready to wean, or getting there, which is hard for me to handle. I definitely have an emotional attachment to nursing.

"Hi, I'm Asher, and I'm 16 months old today!"

We've been going swimming a lot, and I don't know if it's them getting accustomed to swimming or the fact that the hot weather has turned all the pools into bathtubs, but they never make a peep of protest now. Asher loves to splash and kick, and Benjamin likes ducking his head into his float and playing peek-a-boo.

Asher enjoying the slide

Last night we had dinner at my aunt and uncle's, and the boys were being especially cute. First they loved my aunt Jane's blueberry soup-- who knew? They each ate an entire bowl, and were quite demanding when we didn't feed it to them as fast as we could.

Benjamin with his soup

Asher with his soup

Benjamin getting hot

Nice and cool!

Benjamin must have gotten hot from all that cold soup-eating, and at the end of dinner he took his shirt off! No dinner is dull with them around. Fortunately, my aunt and uncle are good-humored about it and don't expect dinners to be all adult conversation and good manners.

We have more family coming later this week- my cousin is coming with her husband, whom we have not yet met, and my uncle (her father) is also coming to town. We're having a small celebration of their marriage, since we could not attend the wedding, and she will finally get to meet the boys!

I cannot believe that 2 years ago at this time, I was in the midst of the IVF cycle that would bring me these boys. I also cannot believe that we have made it to 16 months without any major illness or grave concern. We are so lucky! Everyday I kiss my boys and hope they know just how much I love them, and how grateful I feel to have them in my life.

Asher's first hair cut

2011-07-23T19:00:00.000-07:00

Today we took Asher for his very first hair cut! I was not convinced that a hair cut was necessary, but his hair was getting long in the back, and it would get tangled easily. I agreed to a small trim, although I told Eric that I felt pressured into it-- he would solicit opinions from everyone about Asher's hair, trying to get them to agree with him that Asher needed a hair cut. Regardless, I said we could get him a very small trim.

An attempt at having a cape on to keep the hair off

We decided he would sit on my lap for the trim. This seemed to work well, because he wasn't scared at all, and only seemed curious at the woman behind his head.

Bear in a cape. Moments later, he threw it off.

snip, snip

snip, snip some more

The whole thing went very quickly. I'm happy with the hair cut because he still has plenty of curls and hair, it is just a little shorter in the back. I showed my mom (who is just home from Vietnam) the above pictures, and she asked, "Where was Benjamin?"

Benjamin was entertaining himself with a mop and a broom. His interest in anything with a long handle continues! Unfortunately it extends to things like toilet brushes, too. But he was in heaven at the salon when he found both a mop AND a broom to play with!

Benjamin with his two new friends

I asked if the salon was looking to hire some help with sweeping up hair. If this interest of his keeps up, I will have him mowing the lawn and vacuuming by the time he's two!

Our day ended with a wonderful surprise- a friend of mine posted on facebook that he was in a town in New Jersey about 30 minutes from here, and I said if he had made it that close to our house (he lives in New York City), he should just come on over. And he did! It was so nice to see him again, since it had been about two years since our last in-person visit, and his first time meeting the boys. The boys seemed to like him, and Benjamin was climbing on him and rubbing his bald head within minutes of his arrival. Despite the lapse in time between our visits, it felt like no time had passed at all. I am so glad I had left our afternoon and evening unscheduled and open for a little spontaneity!

For dinner we had chicken pad thai using a recipe from a new cookbook that I got from Border's yesterday. I had $80 in Border's gift cards that I spent while there were still decent books left in the store. I am so upset that Border's is going out of business-- we are a big book family, and have always loved going to the store, browsing, and often buying, books. The Border's nearest us is about 1.5 miles from our house, and about .5 miles from my parents, so it has always been a frequent destination for walks. Now we won't have any bookstores nearby. Of course I have done a lot of book shopping online, so I guess I contributed to Border's demise, too, but nothing compares to a real live bookstore. My heart also broke for the employees, running around like madmen with their jobs about to be taken away from them. I remember when Border's was so popular that it put the small, independent shops out of business... things are always changing.

1st trip to the zoo!

2011-07-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we took our first trip to the zoo! As a first birthday gift, our friends Cass and Walter bought us a family membership, and came down from Boston to take us on our first trip to the zoo. We decided to forgo morning naps and go when the zoo opened, before it got too hot.

Here is Benjamin, excited about his first time at the zoo:

Here I am with Benjamin, and I think we are looking at a jaguar. Or, I am looking at the jaguar and he is looking at his feet. A lot of the big cats at the zoo were sleeping. One lion was so asleep that I wasn't sure he was even breathing!

Here I am explaining to Asher about endangered animals.

Here is Asher walking with his daddy and his Grandpa Nick. We tried out our harnesses on the guys and it worked really well with Benjamin- he enjoyed the freedom to run around, and I enjoyed not worrying that about him becoming lion lunch.

We saw many animals, and especially enjoyed seeing the gorillas and the golden-maned tamarins that are loose. I love the primates, bears, and big cats. I think the boys most enjoyed anything that moved, including the sea otters, who were having a great time swimming around.

A beautiful polar bear

Around 12:30 the boys started falling asleep in their stroller, so we decided to head home. They took long afternoon naps (which I needed, too!). The zoo membership was really a wonderful gift, and we will get a lot of use out of it. I know my mom, who is traveling in Asia right now, can't wait to take them, too.

15 month well-visit

2011-07-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

Making their cozy coupe even cozier

I think this is the longest I have gone without a new blog entry. I have to admit that I am having some mixed feelings about blogging-- I still like the idea of my blog being like a pregnancy journal and baby book for my boys, and I do like that family and friends who are far away have the opportunity to see what we are up to. But I am no longer entirely comfortable with the fact that this blog is public, and that anyone can read it. I am thinking of making my blog private, but we'll see.

Today the boys went for their 15 month well visit at the pediatrician. Asher weighed 23 pounds, 12 ounces and they said he was 31.5 inches tall, but I think he is taller. Benjamin weighed 23 pounds, 4 ounces and measured 31 inches tall. They are both continuing to grow, which I like to hear. The doctor told us again that they look very healthy. Their physical development is great, since they are both walking (and running), and can climb everything in sight. The doctor did notice their various bumps and bruises, which we have just become so accustomed to seeing that we barely see them anymore!

I still have concerns about the fact that they aren't talking, but the doctor said he is willing to wait a little bit longer before we call early intervention. To be honest, my "gut" tells me that nothing is wrong- if it said otherwise I would be pushing for early intervention right now. But both boys can clearly hear just fine, and can understand some of what we say. They do communicate, and they both babble. They are very interactive, and love to make eye contact. We are trying to work on getting them to say some words, but it doesn't seem to appeal to them yet. I think I would be more worried if all of their same-age friends were talking up a storm, but most of the other children we know their age are not really talking yet, either. So we'll see. We are working on getting them to say more, ball, cat, mama, and dada/daddy right now.

Other than that, we had a wonderful visit with Eric's family up in Maine, which will have to get its own post, with pictures. We went swimming, ate ice cream, and played with family- the perfect summer trip!

Benjamin testing the water

15 months old

2011-06-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

Time sure does fly when you're having fun! And in general, that's what we're having. Both boys are full of energy, curiosity, and personality. We've gotten to a point where it's pretty hard to be in the house alone with both of them, even though we had done a pretty good job of childproofing, they are finding new ways to make trouble- climbing the chairs, climbing the couches, and reaching for whatever they can.

It seems like Benjamin is getting ready to go down to one nap a day, as evidenced by the fact that he almost never takes more than one nap a day. He still gets tired around 11 if he doesn't take a morning nap, and falls to pieces if he doesn't take an afternoon nap, but he seems to be resisting taking both in the same day. That's fine for him, but Asher still seems to want 2 naps, and he will nap about 2 hours each time! I am not sure what the solution is, and how to manage their differing needs while still having the time to shower in the morning...

Yesterday morning while Benjamin didn't nap we had an incredibly scary experience. We were hearing all the usual no-nap noises of him kicking the slats of his crib, practicing his soprano, and chatting. Then hysterical screaming. I rushed up to their room, and Benjamin was standing in his crib with the cord to the air conditioner wrapped around his neck! I cannot describe how horrifying it was to see that, I thought I was going to vomit. I screamed for Eric and pulled the cord off, grabbed Benjamin and ran downstairs. He was crying, and I was shaking. The cord to the air conditioner had been tucked behind the book shelf that is next to his crib, but apparently his little arms could reach behind the shelf. And with all that no-nap time, he decided to play and explore. It could have been disastrous; I can't even consider how things could have ended up. Eric fastened the cord to the baseboard, and we moved the furniture in the room so that Benjamin's crib is on the opposite wall, with nothing within reach. And I think we'll get a video monitor so that we can see what trouble Benjamin is getting up to during no-naps.

We are working on them with talking. They still don't really talk, although they do communicate, and Asher's physical therapist gave us some suggestions. I am a little bit worried, but we know several other little ones their age who also don't talk, so I don't think they are outside the range of normal just yet. We'll see what the doctor says when we go in July.

We're leaving for our annual trip to Maine on Thursday, and are getting so excited to see all our family, and of course, eat ice cream. And then, July 3 is our 5th wedding anniversary- I cannot believe it has been 5 years!

I'll post pictures tomorrow, we forgot to take any today, even though I purposely dressed the boys in really cute clothes!

all better!

2011-06-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

The boys' ailments seemed to clear up for the weekend. We went to the park:

Hi. I have been taking my cute pills regularly.

And a pool party:

Asher took to the water like a fish. Benjamin screamed.

For Father's Day, I took the guys to our favorite coffee place and we had breakfast with Grandpa Nick while Eric was supposed to sleep in. This was a treat for both of the fathers in my life! Later I ran errands, in the morning with Benjamin and in the afternoon with Asher.

The boys learned a new trick:

Look mommy! We're tall!

Which quickly turned into Asher climbing on, and then standing on, the kitchen table. Oh dear.

Tonight they had corn on the cob for dinner. When Benjamin was done eating, he used his cob to call Meema, who has been away in Colorado.

"Hello, Meema? How are things out West?"

"This thing gets terrible reception! I want an iphone!"

There is never a dull moment with these boys, that is for sure!

sick baby week

2011-06-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

This week we had sick babies. First it was Benjamin, with a low fever. I thought he was teething, because there was a lot of drool, and he was constantly chewing on his hands. He wasn't sleeping well-- worse than he usually does, which is saying something! On Tuesday night he just screamed whenever we put him in bed, really hysterical and heartbreaking screams. I ended up taking him for a car ride, hoping that would get him to sleep, but even that didn't work. We gave him Motrin, but that didn't seem to make a difference, either. He wouldn't nurse, but eventually took a bottle of milk and calmed down to sleep. I did so wish he could talk enough to tell me what was wrong!

Wednesday he seemed better, and then Wednesday night I got home from work just as the guys were getting bathed and going to bed. Asher fell apart, just crying and crying, which he never does. He went to sleep, but then woke up around 3 in hysterics, with a fever. We gave him Motrin, too, but it took him a while to settle down.

I went to work on Thursday and heard that Asher was kind of cranky, and napping a lot. I got home around 4 and he woke up to my voice. I went up to him and he was burning up! He had a temperature of about 102, and I called the pediatrician's office. Of course they told me to come in. He had no other symptoms, other than lethargy, loss of appetite, and his fever. The nurse practitioner we saw sent us home with infant Advil (I had sent Eric to the store to get ibuprofen, told him NOT Tylenol, and he came home with Tylenol. He said the pain medication choices were too overwhelming so he grabbed something and ran) and to call if it got worse.

This morning both boys seemed fine. They ate breakfast, played, Asher napped and Benjamin rolled around his crib, we went to play group. Asher had no fever, had regained his appetite, and was back in his good humors. They ate a big healthy lunch, and then Benjamin went down for his nap. Asher was nursing and then pulled off, looked around... and threw up all over me! It really was a lot of undigested food, poor baby. He seemed fine before, and fine after. I called Eric to help me clean up, and Eric hates vomit more than I do, so I was worried he would lose his lunch on top of it!

Fortunately, after his afternoon nap, Asher seemed fine. We took a trip to the grocery store and he was being completely adorable, calling everyone in the store "Da-eee," playing with me by giving me kisses when I would lean toward him and say, "Will you give me a smooch?" It was really nice to have time with him where my attention was completely on him, and I took my time at the store so we could enjoy each others' company.

Despite the illness, we have enjoyed nice, long walks in the beautiful weather. Eric and I are eating a lot of vegetables, since we keep getting green things from our CSA. I do look for different ways to use them, but we've had a lot of salads.

This weekend we have a pool party, and then it's Fathers' Day. Our only plan for Fathers Day at this point is that I am going to make big pieces of red meat on the grill for Eric and my dad, and Eric wants key lime pie for dessert. Easy enough!

Can you believe...

2011-06-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

Can you believe these 2 big boys wouldn't even put their toes in the water last summer? Now look at my little water babies!

Last night Eric took the boys for dinner with my parents at my aunt and uncle's pool while I drove to Maryland to meet up with other mommies from a message board (I know, a mass internet date! I was nervous to meet everyone in person, but reminded myself that I met my husband on the internet, and that worked out pretty well). I had a good time at my dinner, and the boys (and Eric) had a wonderful time in the pool! Apparently there was splashing and screeching and general silliness.

Asher Bear and his curly hair

Today we went to Alex's Original Lemonade Stand-- we live in the same neighborhood as her family and so are near the big Lemonade Stand party they have every summer. They have tons of "free" food (just make a donation), so we went and had a snack. The boys had their first taste of "wooder eyes," which is Philadelphian for water ice.

Asher and his water ice

Benjamin holding that other famous Philly food- soft pretzel!

"OOH! That's cold!"

Tonight we had ribs and corn on the cob for dinner. The boys ate the rib meat off the bone and loved it! Then they ate their corn off the cob. Asher is serious about his corn on the cob, and generously helped Benjamin finish his corn.

Benjamin licking the bones clean

Asher and his rib

double-fisting

Then they had blueberries, tons of them, until I decided enough was enough. For dessert they each had some cake, which they liked, and Benjamin used bits of to style his hair. I really love watching them enjoy their food. I noticed they chew with their mouths closed, which is nice, since I have a lot of other table manners I will need to teach them over the years!

I sometimes feel like we only take pictures of them eating, and part of that is that they try so many new foods, and we like to capture those moments, and the other part is that they are only still when we strap them down! I swear we do things other than eat, but I guess it is pretty obvious that we love eating and love our food.

"Da-Deee"

2011-06-06T18:21:00.000-07:00

The family at the playground

That's what Asher has been saying since Saturday morning! I am not 100% sure he knows that Da-Deee is Eric, but he certainly noticed our enthusiastic reaction to his saying it, and so has repeated it several times since.

Saturday morning had another first- first use of forks! Benjamin looked very interested in my fork, so I got him his own, and he knew exactly what to do. We were having french toast, and he was able to feed himself. Sometimes he holds the fork in one hand, and eats with the fingers of his other hand, or picks the food up with his fingers and then puts the food on the tines of the fork. He really loves the fork, though, and if I don't give him his own, he will try to grab the big fork out of my hands.

Benjamin and his beloved fork

Asher and his funny squint

We had a busy weekend, with a birthday party on both Saturday and Sunday. The Saturday party had a puppet show, and all the other children sat quietly on their parents' laps and watched. My children raced around the room, trying to pull food off the tables, double-fisting goldfish crackers, and running out the door into the parking lot. I worry a little that the other mommies won't want us around, since my guys are so active and a little wild, but so far everyone has been understanding that "boys will be boys." It definitely requires a great deal of energy from both Eric and me to chase them, and we sure did work hard for that birthday cake!

Here are some pictures from the past few days:

The Bear growling

Cute pajamas (Costco!) and a thumb-sucking Asher

Benjamin styled his hair with cupcake

We are trying to enjoy the good weather, by eating on our deck, taking lots of walks and jogs, and getting in the wading pool I bought them as often as we can. I have a feeling that this summer will just fly by, and I hope that we enjoy it as much as we can. So far, so good!

too busy to take pictures

2011-05-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

We had a very busy holiday weekend. In general, Eric doesn't like when I overbook his weekends, but he made it through this one without a complaint!

Ever since Eric completed the new table for our deck, we have been inviting friends over and entertaining almost daily. Friday night we hosted my parents, my cousin's husband, and a family friend for dinner outside.

Saturday afternoon we were invited to a friend's condo complex to swim in the pool. Last year the pool was not a big hit with either of the boys, but I figured that since they love their baths so much, they would love the pool this year. Not so much. Both boys yanked their feet up from the water as if they were being burned, and Benjamin cried. I managed to get Asher in, and standing up, since it was a baby pool. He looked so proud of himself, standing there and smiling, and then next thing I knew, he had toppled over and was face-down in the water! I was right next to him so I pulled him out immediately, and he cried right away, but it really gave me a small panic attack. We did go back in, with him on my lap, and he was able to enjoy himself a little, but Benjamin never really got in.

Saturday night we had another family friend (and my parents, again!) for a dinner of ribs and corn bread on our deck. Then on Sunday I went out to brunch with my girl friends, then went with a friend who is expecting to check out baby equipment at Babies r Us. After the boys got up from their naps we went to another family friend's pool and attempted swimming again! While I was at Babies r Us, I had picked up little floats for the boys to ride in, in the hopes that we won't have any more face-first incidents. Again, I managed to get Asher in, although he did protest a fair amount. Benjamin wouldn't even put a toe in, and instead ran laps around the pool.

Sunday night we hosted a barbecue to celebrate my good friend's engagement. We hosted my friend, her fiance, and another couple who are mutual friends. It was a really lovely evening, except for the part where Eric broke 3 champagne glasses on the deck! We celebrated my friend and her fiance, and also the anticipation of our mutual friends' adoption. Eric and I let our friends borrow our baby swing, which I was sad to see go, thinking of how many times my little boys had been rocked in it, and just how big they are now.

On Monday morning we had brunch with yet another family friend, and met their brand-new baby boy. He was so tiny and sleepy! Benjamin was so cute with the baby- when my mom held the baby and patted him on the back, Benjamin reached up and patted the baby, too. He seemed fascinated by the baby, and you could tell he didn't really see the baby as another small human being. The boys ran circles around the big yard, and then we went home for naps. The boys napped a long time, I think all the running tired them out! It makes me wish we had more space, when we are home we simply run laps around the dining room table, and it gets old fast.

Monday afternoon Eric blew up the inflatable wading pool I had picked up at Babies r Us. We then had another friend and her two little girls over for the inaugural swim. Yet again I managed to get Asher in, but no luck with Benjamin! I am hoping he warms up to the idea of swimming soon, because I love the water and want to enjoy splashing and playing with my little guys.

Today it was back to work, which was not so fun. It seemed like my clients were slow to realize that today was Tuesday, not Monday, and I had a lot of cancellations and got to leave work early- in time to come home and chase my boys around the dining room table before bed.

14 months

2011-05-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that my boys are 14 months old! They are continuing to learn and change each day. I noticed that they are starting to imitate my behaviors- they have tried to feed me their food and make me drink their sippy cups. Tonight Benjamin tried to brush my teeth with his toothbrush, and he thought it was hysterical!

Dinner on our deck, at our new table- Eric built it all by himself!

Benjamin has been adventurous: he has walked (and then run) across the bridge on the play equipment at the play ground, and has been climbing on the slide at my mom's house, and tonight at our house. He is a very quick learner, and with each time he climbed up the slide he got better and faster at it. Asher is a little more cautious, but after he sees Benjamin do something a few times, he generally wants a crack at it.

Benjamin, a big boy on the slide all by himself

Asher trying out the slide after Benjamin showed him how it's done

Asher's new favorite thing is to take the phone, press all the buttons, and then wait for the "phone is off the hook" signal to start-- and then he starts dancing. His dancing looks kind of like the "running man," he stays in one place and stomps his feet up and down. Benjamin thinks this is soooo funny (because Benjamin loves physical humor), and they both have a good time. What gets me is that we have a ton of musical toys, play music for them through our computers and TV, and he likes the phone the best. So now I call the phone "Asher's iPod."

They are not talking at all yet, which of course worries me a little. We had Early Intervention here on Monday for Asher's 6 month evaluation. His torticollis is much better, although he still tilts his head to the right at times, especially when he is tired. Now our bigger concern is that he walks on his tip-toes. Note to parents: don't google things. The possibilities that come up with "walking on tip-toes" are not good. EI doesn't think we need to worry about the serious stuff (cerebral palsy, autism), but that he should learn to walk using his whole foot. Next up: a referral for physical therapy. But as far as the not-talking goes, they said not to worry. The boys definitely communicate, they babble, and make a variety of sounds. We were told to imitate their babbles, which we were already doing, but given they are both boys (and boys learn to talk a little later than girls), we don't need to worry just yet.

14 month old Benjamin

14 month old Asher, pouring his milk on himself

I also finally got their bloodwork done. We were asked to do it when they were 9 months old, since we live in an older home and there is a possibility that we have some lead paint in the house, but then we switched pediatricians. The new doctor gave me a prescription for bloodwork at their 12 month visit, and I didn't do it, because I just couldn't stand to go. But I called the doctor about Benjamin's nap boycotts, and they told me to schedule an appointment... and get the bloodwork done ASAP. Today the doctor called to say that both boys' hemoglobin was low, so I have to give them an iron supplement. Being a mommy is very consuming! There is a lot to handle, and sometimes it is hard to cram all their appointments and things into the two days of the week I'm not working.

In the end, the complaints are few and the joys are many. Not a day goes by where I don't pause and remember how lucky I am, and how grateful I am to have two healthy and beautiful children. 14 months old, and the time is just flying.

our photo shoot

2011-05-25T18:31:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from our photo shoot the other week. I am really happy with the way they turned out, and think my guys (including Eric!) look adorable! Eric was reluctant to do it, but I am so glad we did. We now have a beautiful collection of pictures of our family, and a great way to remember how fun and vivacious our boys were at this stage of their lives.

I forgot to say- all the photos were taken by Jessica Kripp, and I think her rates were very affordable. I would highly recommend her!

Our family

Asher being Asher

Asher and his daddy

Benjamin and his mommy

The brothers, actually sitting still... what a rare occurrence!

Their faces say it all

Three generations

some recent photos

2011-05-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

Enjoying watermelon

A very tired Benjamin- at the start of the nap boycotts

Hi. I'm cute.

Watching the rain fall- no playing at the playground today!

I am sorry for the lack of posts- we've been enjoying a lovely visit from my aunt, Sharon. I will have to post more about it, but I wanted to share some cute pictures.

The boys love spring and summer foods-- watermelon is always a hit, and Benjamin has started to eat corn from the cob. His face lit up when he first tried it, so now I give him his own cobs to eat. They also love asparagus, which is good except for the stinky pee it gives them! I have found we are spending waaaay more on food now than we previously did. In part it is the fact that we are now feeding 4, rather than 2, but it is also because I am far more conscientious about having fresh (or frozen, really) fruits and vegetables in the house. I have always loved fruit and vegetables, but Eric is less enthusiastic, so at times I would survive with apples, oranges and bananas if I wasn't doing much food shopping. Now I want the boys to have a variety, so I am constantly buying strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, mango, peas, asparagus, broccoli, and bananas. I do try to cook foods that we can all eat together, and the boys do seem to have an interest in different flavors and spices, which makes me happy.

This weekend our friends are visiting from New York- we haven't seen them since New Years and are very excited to have some time to hang out and catch up! And the weather will finally improve, so hopefully we will take lots of walks outside, and have them lend a hand in chasing babies at the playground.

Happy Mothers' Day!

2011-05-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about two different directions for a post for today. First, what it means to be a mother, and just how much motherhood has changed me and my perspective on life. Second, how I celebrated my 2nd mothers' day as a mommy!

I have been thinking recently about just how much I have changed since becoming a parent. My priorities and what I value have shifted immensely. There is a quote that goes something like, "to become a parent is to have your heart walk around outside your body," and it is true. Since having my boys, I find that my focus has shifted from myself to them; I think of them and their needs before I think of my own. I worry about things I would never have worried about before. When I hear the news, things hit me harder-- the person who was injured or died was someone's child, too. I cannot fathom how awful it would be if my children were hurt, or worse. I would rather die a thousand times over than have something happen to them, and while I am often a big exaggerator, that is not an exaggeration. I worry for the day that they will be beyond my protection and left open to their own judgment. I want to warn them, please, don't do anything to endanger your perfect little body or healthy life. Don't risk what I have worked so hard to give you.

I can't think of anything that I wouldn't sacrifice for my boys. And those feelings have come naturally to me. Of course I have thought of myself as a "nurturer" before this (I think most therapists do), but all of my care-taking instincts are magnified with my children. In looking at my own relationship with my children, I have become more aware of other mothers and their children, and have become aware that not all mothers respond to parenthood this way. It's not necessarily natural to feel this way, and not everyone has "maternal instincts."

I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to become a mother. Mothers' day makes me aware of all the women who become mothers but aren't ready, and those women who are ready but have not yet been able to realize that dream. I don't know if it is because I had a more difficult road to motherhood than most, but I find motherhood a privilege and an honor.

That said, I was ready to be spoiled a little for mothers' day! I asked Eric to get up with the boys at 7, and I slept in til 8 (ha, slept in, hahaha). Eric made a delicious brunch for my mom and me (and dad, and the boys): scrambled eggs with roasted asparagus and parmesan cheese, homemade cinnamon rolls, fruit salad, and mimosas. Then when the boys went down for afternoon naps, my mom and I went out and did some shopping. I actually found things to buy, unlike on my unsuccessful birthday trip a month ago, and got some new clothes.

Unfortunately, both Benjamin and Asher are sick today. First Asher had a fever, then Benjamin. They were cranky, and whiney, and clingy. We nursed many more times today than we have in a while, but it seemed to bring them comfort, and I figure the extra antibodies and fluids can't hurt, either. I guess that was just another reminder that I'm two somebodies' mama, and it feels so good to have my arms be the place they feel better.

Happy Mothers' Day to all the mamas out there-- to my grandmothers, aunts, mother-in-law, and of course my own mom, who has taught me so much about what it means to be a mother. Happy Mothers' Day to all the moms-to-be, who are eagerly anticipating holding their own babies in their arms, and to all the women who have chosen not to have children of their own, but to mother and mentor the children of others. And I am thinking of all the women who want so badly to become mothers, and here's hoping that this is your year.

What an oversight!

2011-05-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

On their 13 month birthday, in their red wagon

I realized that I didn't make a dedicated post to the boys' 13 month birthday! That was almost a week ago, and I still can't believe that my little ones are 13 months. They are certainly turning into little boys, they're not so much babies anymore.

A seriously adorable Benjamin

They are both full-on walkers now. They walk everywhere, and even run (especially if they're being chased). This has certainly led to all kinds of new fun and excitement for them both. One morning, Asher jumped up mid-diaper change with his striped pajamas flapping off him like a cape, picked up two maracas, and paraded around the downstairs naked. Benjamin, who appears to have a propensity for physical humor and slapstick, was in hysterics. In general, Asher acts like a goofball, and Benjamin laughs hysterically.

The goofball after he climbed into the toy chest

Asher is a little bit of a beast, and in the past couple of days I have noticed him tackling Benjamin if Benjamin has something Asher wants. Benjamin seems very good-natured about it and just moves on to another toy (which is of course what Asher wants, too, as soon as Benjamin is interested in it).

I have definitely noticed the boys, Asher especially, developing a little bit of addy-tood (that's the way you say attitude in Philly!)-- Asher loves racing away with something as you ask for it back, and he always turns his head the other way when you try to wipe his nose or his face after meals. Asher also wants what he wants when he wants it, and can be a bit of a drama king if he doesn't get his way. A few times I have put him down after holding him and he has crumpled into tears on the floor, and then banged his forehead on the floor for emphasis. The head-banging really gets to me, but I am trying to manage his breakdowns by verbally soothing him, because I am just not able to pick him up at every moment.

Benjamin is very easy-going during the day, or his waking hours, and then becomes completely stubborn at nap times or bed times, as I previously mentioned. He has also started biting me when he nurses, which I am not sure how to handle. It's very painful, but I am not ready to wean, and don't feel right weaning Benjamin but continuing to nurse Asher.

Feeding themselves yogurt... 2 seconds later and I had 2 bowls of yogurt on the floor

I worry a little because they don't have any words yet. They babble, and can say "dada" and "mama," but not directed at Eric or myself. Their babbling has certainly gotten more enthusiastic, and they also imitate each other. It is so much fun to listen to them imitate each other while they talk nonsense. Tonight at dinner they reached across the space between their chairs, held hands, and said "Ahhhhh, ahhhhhhhh..." It is impossible to describe how much they fill me with happiness at moments like that.

The Bear on a tear with tissue paper from a gift

We have been busy with play dates, parties, and time at the park. The babies in our play group are all turning one, so over the next few months we will have many first birthdays to attend! With the weather so nice, we try to make time to go for walks or jogs or to the park. On Saturday I jogged (with the jog stroller and the guys) to our nearest shopping area and the boys accompanied me from store to store. In general they were very well behaved, but by the end of the trip they lost it-- too much being strapped down in the stroller!

Tonight's game of "wave the pajama"

On Sunday we had professional pictures taken at a nearby college. We have only seen about 15 of them as a preview, but they turned out wonderfully, and I am very excited to see the rest. Once we get them, I will post some here. I am so glad we did it, because the boys are so adorable right now, and I know I will love having these memories.

Our days are exciting, and it is clear that both of our guys enjoy exploring and learning. They are so busy at the park and at home, playing and climbing, and running. I love how full of personality they are, and while I am completely exhausted at the end of the day, I can't imagine our lives any other way.

Is insomnia inherited?

2011-04-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

It seems that my Benjamin is having some trouble sleeping. I have never been a great sleeper, and maybe he got this from me... but we have been having issues! He is skipping naps, and is then so tired that he can barely stand up-- seriously, he loses his balance and falls over. Then he will lie on the floor and put his head down, but then try to bounce back. After all this, and fussing and whining, when it is time for nap or bed, he will sit in his crib and cry and complain. It's so frustrating for me, because I know he needs his rest, and there's nothing I can do. If we try to let him "cry it out," he doesn't fall asleep. We go in and check on him, and soothe him, but as soon as we leave, he goes right back to fussing and crying. I nurse him, I rock him... nothing. I worry, will not resting hurt his development? He is usually such a happy, easy-going boy, and no naps make him a sad boy. I hope this is just a phase that will be over quickly. He is such an angel, and I want my happy boy back!

Ahhh... Spring!

2011-04-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

Lovely family portrait: Asher about to fall on his head, and Benjamin picking his nose with his toe

Slightly better.

Yay! Ducks!

Handsome Bear

Boys on the run

My friend Kelly playing with the boys

Marathon Monday & Passover

2011-04-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

The boys waiting for the runners to pass

Eric and I bravely decided to take our boys up to Wellesley, Massachusetts for Passover. We drove up on Sunday and back on Tuesday... a lot of driving for a short visit! But we made good use of our time-- on Monday morning, after the boys staged a nap boycott, we went to watch the elite men and women runners. Wellesley is about the halfway point of the marathon, and we saw some very fast people race right by us. I tried to get the boys to cheer, but Asher just looked a little confused, and Benjamin got upset at all the noise.

My sister and cousins waiting for the runners

It was sunny and a little chilly, which I think probably made the runners happy. It was exciting to watch the marathon, and I was just so impressed by the level of physical fitness the runners have!

We went back to my cousin's house, where we were staying, and the boys had afternoon naps while the rest of us got ready for the Passover seder. Although the boys were around for Passover last year, this really felt like their first Passover.

Passover 2010- the boys were 3 days old, wearing preemie-size pajamas

Passover 2011- wide awake and ready to eat!

I dressed them in button-down shirts and Asher had khakis on-- he and my dad were actually dressed like twins! They were walking all over the place and looked like boys, not so much like babies. I had them try all the traditional Passover foods: matzo (yes), gefilte fish (no), matzo ball (yes), charoset (no).

Playing "yank the yarmulke"

Their patience ran out a short way into the seder, so we got them into bed and then tried to enjoy our dinner. So far we have managed to keep Passover, which is tough since so much of what they eat is usually bread or crackers. I am substituting matzo everywhere, and just hoping they don't end up constipated!

This very short week has been exhausting; after a 7+ hour trip coming back from Wellesley (we lost my cousin's husband at a rest area), we hosted a small seder at our house. We got home at 3:30 and our guests came at 5:30-- what were we thinking?!? My mom had said she would help with food preparation but was delayed, so we were on our own... and we pulled it off. It was the first seder and holiday meal I hosted in my own home, and it gave me an opportunity to use my wedding china.

A tired Benjamin talking to great-grandpa David

This Passover was certainly a shift in the generations. My grandparents are no longer the hosts and leaders. The younger generation is starting to become more active in hosting, and it makes me hopeful that the relationships I have with my cousins, and our closeness as a family, will continue beyond my generation, down to our children.

marriage and the mom of multiples

2011-04-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

I remember before Eric and I married, my mom and I were talking about marriage and my mom said, "Getting married is the easy part, it's when you have kids that everything changes."

Well, that's an understatement. When you have one baby at a time, everything changes. All of a sudden, the focus shifts from spouse to baby. Where the priority used to be on the marital relationship, it's now on the child. And it takes a secure relationship to handle that. You're tired, your life has changed in the blink of an eye, and nothing seems to be going the right way. It's so easy to take your frustration out on your partner. Spouses feel left out and unwanted.

Ok, and that's with one baby. Now think about with two. I won't say that it's twice the work, but it's certainly more work than with one. At night, we both got up at every feeding, so we both got to be sleep-deprived. Eric was very involved, but in the beginning, I had a lot of resentment toward him. During the day, he would get up and go to work (in the basement, in this house!) and actually work. There were moments where both boys would be crying, and I couldn't handle it, and he was still working. I felt like I couldn't do it, and he was working. I sat on the couch and cried with a crying baby on each side of me, and he worked. I couldn't tell him exactly how helpless and inadequate I was feeling, so my frustration would come out in bits and pieces of anger and nastiness.

One day I realized we were constantly picking on each other. I would walk around all day with a list of resentments in my head-- "I did this, he didn't do that, I had to do this other thing, and he didn't even THINK to help with that other thing..."and at night I would snap at him. I remember telling him that I was angry with him, and that I knew he was angry with me, but that we had to get along. That, really, we had no one but each other, and we had to remember we were on the same team. At that point, I am not sure that we actually liked each other very much, but it broke the tension. My anger and resentment has not been as strong since that point, and I make an effort to let Eric know when something is a problem before it builds up like that again.

Eric and I are both lucky enough to come from intact families; his parents have been married 36 years and mine have been married 34. His living grandparents have been married over 60 years, and both sets of mine have been married over 65 years. We have wonderful examples of how to handle conflict and be respectful in a relationship, and wonderful examples of how to be loving and show affection. Eric and I are both educated (hell, I am a relationship therapist!), and had been together for 6 years, and married almost 4, when our boys were born. We had a solid foundation in our relationship. Yet, having infant twins put a great deal of stress on our relationship, and I know from my perspective, it was the toughest time we've ever had. I know that for people who are less mature, have more money concerns, fewer communication skills, having twins (or more) can break a relationship. Divorce rates in families of multiples can be two to three times higher than in families without.

Fortunately, I think Eric and I made it through the worst of it. We are so lucky to have enough money to live comfortably, and family nearby for support, because I think that lightens the load. We are also lucky to have two happy, healthy children who are very low-maintenance as far as toddlers go! We are getting our rest, we eat well, and we make time to enjoy all that we can. There are still certain parts of our marital relationship that get short shrift... but in general, we are faring better than in those early months.

It's yet another side effect of having twins-- along with a high-risk pregnancy, you have a high-risk marriage. Just like the pregnancy requires extra care and check-ups, so does your marriage. It is so easy to lose sight of the marital relationship after children arrive, but it's so necessary to remember that a loving relationship between spouses forms the foundation for a loving family.

a beautiful day in the neighborhood

2011-04-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

The boys in their wagon yesterday, which was not as beautiful

Today we had some beautiful weather. I wanted to do a million things outside, but naps got in the way. Why, when the weather is lousy and we're stuck inside, does it seem like naps go poorly? And when it is beautiful and we can do so much outside do they sleep so well?

Fortunately, both guys woke up by 4 and we went on a jog/walk with our neighbors, Amy and Paden. We then stopped at the park to play on the swings, but really, it is very difficult to take two energetic boys who like to eat wood chips to the park by myself, so our time there was short. But on our way out, we ran into other neighbors and friends, who walked us home. On our street, we talked to even more neighbors, who were happy to see our boys and how big they've grown. And our next-door neighbors, with whom we share a wall, gave us some spicy Thai salad for dinner. It is days like today that I love living in the suburbs, in a neighborhood. I love all the families nearby, and feeling like people are keeping an eye out for us and our boys.

The boys having fun at the park

Yesterday was my birthday, and I enjoyed having my family around. We went to the park yesterday, too, and the boys played all over everything, which led to very good naps in the afternoon. We didn't do anything big yesterday to celebrate, but did go to a very nice dinner out on Saturday night. After all that food on Saturday, we decided to take it easy on Sunday, and after Passover we're going to celebrate with pasta and cake. Birthdays are so different as a parent of young children; even though it was my birthday, my focus was completely on them.

In other celebratory news, today is the 7th anniversary of my first date with Eric. I sure hope he isn't regretting his decision to ask me out on a second date... Who could have imagined, all those years ago, that we would end up here? I know I am still surprised that I am the mother of twin boys!

We collapsed the exersaucer to put it away-- all of a sudden, it's their favorite toy!

And, for even more celebrating-- tomorrow is Eric's birthday! I have to work until late, but hopefully we will celebrate after I'm home. Birthday season is in full swing here, and even I am getting tired of birthday cake!

12 month well visit

2011-04-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

This morning the boys had their 12 month well visit at their new pediatrician. I definitely like their new doctor better than their old doctor; he spent about 45 minutes with us, checking them out, and asking detailed questions about their development.

Asher weighed in at 20 pounds and 10 ounces, was 30 1/4 inches tall, and has a small head (I can't remember the actual circumference, but it was in the 3-10th percentile). Benjamin weighed 20 pounds and 9 ounces, and was 28 inches tall. He has a big head (75th percentile). The nurse actually measured Benjamin first and commented that he would be so smart because of his big head... she made no comments about Asher's potential lack of intelligence from his tiny head, though!

The doctor said that they both look great. They are both walking, so he did not have any concerns about their gross motor development, and said that the seem very social and friendly. I liked hearing that, since I am social, and have tried to socialize them with other babies, and by taking them out all the time. So I guess it worked! It is nice to be relieved of mommy concerns for a day-- it kind of reminds me of when I was pregnant and the day of an appointment, after being reassured that everything looked perfect, I would feel relief for about a day before anxiety would set in again.

The boys did get shots for chicken pox and polio, and I'm not sure who has a more difficult time with it-- them or me! I swear to you that I can feel my heart breaking when they cry. But of course they recovered quickly and were back to tearing apart the exam room within minutes.

We had a pretty good day otherwise, but did have a funny incident. I went to the grocery store with the boys to buy some Passover supplies. Usually my mom does this, but she's in Paris right now, and I was worried that they would be sold out of the things we like by the time she got home. Eric and I don't keep kosher in the least, but I do try to keep Passover (or a version of it, I eat peanut butter because I honestly don't see how a peanut resembles bread). I was wandering the edges of the store before going down the Kosher aisle, and stopped at the meats to see what was on sale. I saw some chicken, and then a huge pork shoulder on sale. I thought, Eric loves pulled pork, perfect! and picked up a pork shoulder. Then I went down the Kosher aisle, and ran into an old friend of my mom's... and stood in the kosher aisle chatting with a gigantic piece of pork in my cart. Oh, I am so embarrassed! Hopefully the boys were so adorable that they distracted her, and she didn't notice. It's not so much that people would know I eat pork, because that is not a big deal, but more that I would take a huge piece of pig down the Kosher aisle... thoughtless!

After dinner tonight we took the boys on a walk to the park, and Eric took some cute photos of them playing which he has since lost, so tonight's post has to be photo-less. We'll have to go back to the park for a redo sometime soon!

the simple things

2011-04-02T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today was a wonderful day. We had nothing planned, and we didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but the ordinariness was part of what was wonderful.

The boys woke up early, and I played with them while Eric tried to sleep in. I made us coffee and challah french toast, and we all had breakfast together (coffee was just for Eric and me, of course!). I put blueberry compote on the boys' French toast and they were both purple at the end of the meal! We played a little more, and then they went down for their naps.

Benjamin and his blueberry goatee

While they napped I made a red velvet cake for my friend's birthday party, which is tomorrow, and when the boys woke up, we all went out for a family jog. Oh, I should mention that I got an early birthday gift last week-- a double jog stroller! I haven't been keeping up with my jogging, and jogging while pushing about 40 pounds (or more) of baby is even more difficult! So I was not impressed with my level of physical fitness, but we had a good time exercising together. Even Eric liked it, and he usually hates jogging with me!

Asher practicing his gymnastics under the table

We came home for lunch, and then it was afternoon nap time. Nap time wasn't a huge success, but after naps they were in pretty good moods. I talked Eric into going shopping with the babies and me, but as soon as he agreed, i decided I didn't want to go! We were having too much fun at home, and the boys were having a great time chasing each other around the house.

I told Eric he had to hang out with us-- he loves his work and will work any day, anytime if he's allowed-- and so he stayed on the 1st floor for longer than I think he has in weeks! His time on the 1st floor motivated him to clean and organize, and so he went on a rampage around the 1st floor, putting things away, throwing out old shopping lists and things that I had left lying around.

At 5:15, my dad came over and took the boys for a walk while Eric and I made dinner. My dad took them to the play ground, and they had a good time on the swings. In the 45 minutes my dad was gone, we managed to cook a meal, and Eric finished cleaning and vacuuming the first floor. We had dinner with my dad, and the boys ate all the same food that the adults did-- chicken with an apricot-mustard glaze, risotto with lemon and peas, and string beans. Asher has started pointing at his sippy when he wants it, and they are doing well drinking their milk.

We tried taking a shower instead of a bath tonight, which Benjamin hated, but Asher tolerated. I loved holding them in my arms, though. I nursed Asher first, and Eric read Benjamin "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" in the nursery. Both boys went down without a peep, and Eric and I watched a movie together in a quiet, clean house.

It is days like these that make me feel so thankful for the life we have. As I type about our day, I can see that to others, it might not seem like anything special. But to me, it is the kind of day I want to remember forever, the kind of day that passes too quickly. Our time together as a family is wonderful, there is so much love and so much laughter; I hope our lives are filled with it forever.

Working mom guilt and other problems

2011-03-31T19:06:00.000-07:00

So I've been working 3 days a week for a month now. In general, Tuesdays are good; I get dressed up, our nanny comes and the boys get excited to see her. I go to work, Eric cooks dinner while I am there, and I come home and we have a lovely adult dinner. Wednesdays are ok... but by Thursday... ugh. I often wake up early with anxiety about leaving my boys, and then I feel guilty that I want to eat breakfast, rather than play with them, knowing that I'll be gone most of the day and miss out on their play time. Thursday nights I am so happy to come home to them and their beautiful faces. Unfortunately, they have usually missed me so much that I spend the hour between when I get home and when they eat dinner just holding them on my lap. They won't let go of me and fight for space on my lap. I love the attention, but I hate that they've been without me all day.

The other four days of the week I want to spend every minute with them. I want to take them with me everywhere I go, or only go out while they're napping. If we make adult dinner plans, our reservations are for 7:30 or later so that the boys will be in bed before we leave the house.

Part of me thinks, "that isn't right." Just because I go to work doesn't mean I can't go out some other day. My adult time is not limited to work; I can socialize, too. But the mommy part of me feels pulled-- not out of obligation, but out of desire-- to spend every possible minute that I can with my boys.

This weekend, one of my best friends is having a birthday gathering, and the boys are not invited (let's be honest, their conversational skills are lacking). I really cannot even fathom not going, but I have anxiety about being away from the boys. I don't want to short-change my friend by being a party pooper who is pre-occupied with her children (who are fine without her), and I don't want to short-change myself by moping through my time away. I'm not sure why I can't give myself permission to enjoy my adult time without them, but it's a struggle.

We are also having a hard time with our child care situation. We had hired a young woman to take care of them from 9-5 on Thursdays, but she told us two weeks ago that she has taken a 5 day a week job with another family. So we are back to looking for someone who will come take care of our boys every Thursday, and most of the people who are interested in the job are interested in it as a temporary position. So while we've met some wonderful young women who want to help care for our boys, the prospect of repeating this search again in a month or two is not appealing. We would also love to have some consistency in their lives, and right now we have Cindy as our nanny on Tuesdays, my mom on Wednesdays, and someone else on Thursdays.

At this point, we are not sure what the right answer will be for our family, but we are handling it in our typical fashions: I worry about it constantly, and Eric worries not at all; he is always telling me not to worry, but that is kind of like telling a fish not to swim. In the end, we certainly will not hire anyone who doesn't love our boys!

Benjamin and Asher are 1!

2011-03-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrated Benjamin and Asher's first birthday! We celebrated with a birthday party at my parents' house with tons of food and dessert.

Of course no party or big day would be complete without mishaps, like bad naps for the babies in the morning before the party, butter exploded all over the microwave, cupcakes dumped on the counter and re-frosted...

But here are a few photos from the day:

The boys waiting for their birthday cake

Asher trying frosting (he actually didn't even eat the cupcake at all)

Benjamin trying his cupcake (he liked it)

The cakes-- a bear for Asher and a rabbit for Benjamin

Our family today

Our family 1 year ago today

A serious Asher Bear modeling his Bear Birthday shirt

A tired Benjamin snuggling a very lucky mommy

Tired family, content mommy

Overall, it was definitely a wonderful but exhausting day! I decided we're still celebrating their birthday tomorrow. I'm not sure what we'll do, but it will be something special for them! They got so many new toys and games, too, and I am looking forward to hearing less of that damn Fisher Price woman's voice around here. Birthdays are fun, and I am so glad we celebrated our angels with so many friends and family, and so much love and joy.

364 days old

2011-03-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

The boys playing with their car at Memere and Pepere's in Maine

In about 15 hours, my boys will officially be 1 year old. I can't believe it. I wanted to take a belly picture today to compare to my belly picture 1 year ago today, when I was 36 weeks pregnant, but suffice it to say that my body looks completely different! As much as I didn't want stretch marks, I now like the ones I have because it reminds me that I once carried two babies, and as that time of my life becomes more distant, the marks become more appreciated.

Of course my body isn't all that has changed around here. One year ago tonight, Eric and I had leftovers for dinner, I watched Grey's Anatomy, and we went to bed in a quiet, clean house. Tonight we had dinner with our little boys, watching them eat chicken and challah with big smiles on their faces. We bathed them, lotioned them, and put them in their adorable pajamas. I nursed them, and sang them their goodnight song, and kissed their soft heads as I put them down to sleep. As much as I miss quiet time, I love these moments with my boys so much more.

We have had such a wonderful year. We've learned so much, and made so many new friends. Tomorrow we'll celebrate the boys' birthday with a party at my parents' house-- I've been cooking for a week! I am surprised and excited by how many people are planning to attend; I am happy that my boys are so loved.

We are so truly lucky to have made it through this year without serious illness or injury, with two healthy boys bringing such joy to our lives. I am overwhelmed with my love for my boys. I cannot wait to celebrate them tomorrow!

Guest post from Grandpa Nick: A Birthday Gift

2011-03-21T04:36:00.000-07:00

Grandpa Nick with Benjamin

This weekend was my birthday celebration, Asher & Benjamin celebrate theirs next weekend. Rebecca gave me a guest post for a birthday gift. I'll share some of my first year with two grandchildren.

It's true - the grandchild experience is different than raising a
child. There's more time to savor the pleasure, less anxiety, more uninterrupted sleep, fewer diapers and a different perspective on this lap of the track.

I was surprised, the first time I gave a bottle to one of the boys, to suddenly remember giving my younger brother a bottle when he was a baby. My sister and I would sit next to each other, hold him across our laps, and the one who got the head would give him his bottle. It was a strange feeling to see my infant brother's face as I fed my grandchild.

There are also many echoes of parenthood. Nostalgia when we visited Rebecca & the newborns in the same hospital during the same season I visited my wife with newborn Rebecca & later her sister. Confidence in the cycle of life when Rebecca talks about the same parks where I took her & her sister. The continuity of family customs this weekend when we taught Asher & Ben "Diaper car" - put a child in an empty diaper box, then push him around the room at great speed... The same patience and pleasure to walk the two boys with my wife during breaks in a
restaurant meal, just as we had walked Rebecca and her sister.

We're still parents. I've been able to indulge my urge to nurture as we helped the young family through the challenges of bedrest and enjoyed the warmth of dinners in their bedroom. I was fascinated that, while I coached Eric through his first diaper change in the hospital, a few weeks later he gave me pointers to hone my rusty technique. I resurrected my football baby hold to walk a months-old grandchild to sleep. It was so sweet when the tender grip of his hands relaxed as he drifted off. It was an honor to be on call to walk restless grandchildren to sleep last spring and summer. Can you imagine being thanked for taking a delicious baby boy on a long quiet walk through a
summer evening? And there's nothing like hugging a still-damp baby bundled in a towel when helping at dinner / bath / bedtime.

Though all this can seem routine, we savor it because Benjamin & Asher are such happy, loving children. Rebecca's already learning how quickly the carousel of time turns, leaving only memories. We're truly
blessed to experience another round of such deep joy and to refresh the memory of our earlier turns.

I cannot imagine a finer gift - renewing and enlarging the wonder of family as two grandchildren grow in our sight and in our arms.

I'm very fortunate, and deeply grateful.

51 weeks

2011-03-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

My boys are 51 weeks old today! I can't believe that 1 week from now they will be 1 year old.

I'm having a hard time remembering what life was like without them. I remember in the first few weeks after they were born, I would see things all over the house that hadn't been used since before they were born. In our hall bath, my half-read magazine with wet handprints was still on the back of the toilet where I'd left it after taking a bath to ease my contractions. I still had a drawer full of snacks in my nightstand from being on bed rest. My drawers were full of maternity clothes. Every time I saw one of those things, I felt a twinge of sadness for the peace and quiet I felt we'd lost forever. Would I ever have time to take a bath by myself? To read a magazine?

Now it seems our whole house has been touched by our boys. Every room is filled with toys, there are baby clothes everywhere (including a random assortment of socks in all kinds of surprising places). I drive a minivan. And while I do sometimes mourn the past, and our freedom and independence, I think having children has made me happier than anything else I have ever done.

As I mentioned before, I am having a mix of emotions as their first birthday approaches. On one hand, I am so proud of the boys my babies are becoming. We have so much fun together, and I love watching the fun they have with others, too. I am impressed that Eric and I survived a year with infant twins without killing each other, or letting anything drastically awful happen to the babies. I'm proud of us for having tried so many new things, for having taken so many car trips, and for having fun through it all. I'm excited to plan their first birthday party, and eager to have their friends and family join them to celebrate.

On the other hand, I have anxiety about how fast all this has gone. The year has just flown by, and those sweet moments of a snuggly, small infant on my chest were just too short. Right now, the boys are so much fun, and I worry that these moments will also be over before I know it.

I was having anxiety about weaning, which I had planned to do at 12 months, but now that 12 months is upon us, I am backing down from that decision. The boys aren't taking their sippy cups very well (although I have not yet tried a straw sippy cup, which I think will be a better option for us), and we are all attached to the comfort of nursing. Making the decision to keep nursing past 12 months really helped with some of my anxiety, but of course there is always more to feel anxious about!

I keep pulling clothes out of their drawers that they will never wear again. I feel some sadness that so many "firsts" are behind us. Their first spring, summer, fall, and winter. Their first Christmas, first solid food, first visits to Cambridge, to Maine, to the beach, first snowflakes, first sledding... you get the picture.

It was such a year of wonder and excitement. I have heard from other parents that it keeps getting better, and that each stage is filled with joys and pleasures. I hope that this is true, because we are having such a wonderful time. Each day, we have fun, we have hugs and kisses, and they seem to grow and learn. I am so happy to see them every morning, and I never want to lose that feeling. I hope 1 year is just the beginning.

1 out of 7

2011-03-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

helping Daddy vacuum

Earlier this week, the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technologies published their 2009 statistics. I eagerly looked up the fertility clinic where I did my IVF, and looked at the results. You can narrow by diagnosis, which I did (my diagnosis is ovulatory dysfunction), and then looked at my age (<35). After narrowing to that point, I looked at live births that resulted from twin pregnancies: 2 out of 7. 1 of those 2 pregnancies was mine. We are 1 out of 7. We are so lucky.

Sometimes I still get envious of people who have conceived naturally, and even people who needed fertility treatment but didn't need IVF. But things like this remind me how truly lucky we are. We were so lucky to conceive with our first IVF, and so fortunate to have made it through a high-risk twin pregnancy with two healthy babies.

I am having such a mix of feelings as we approach their first birthdays. I will write more about them in another post, for tonight I need to try to sleep, which I haven't been so successful at doing lately!

what's new here

2011-03-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

There is no major, breaking news, but since I use this blog as a little bit of a baby book, I want to make note of some of the things the boys are doing these days.

Beside the fact that they are taking steps for everyone but mommy, they are pointing at everything. The cutest is when they point with both hands! At the landing on our stairs we have a small rug my sister got us in Peru with colorful llamas on it. Every night when we go up the stairs to start the bedtime routine, Asher points and laughs at the llamas.

Yesterday I told Eric that I am concerned that Benjamin is not really babbling (which he isn't). He makes noises in different pitches, and is very good at expressing himself that way, but he is not babbling. Then this morning, first thing, he started with, "Dadadadada." He will do it in response to me looking at him and saying it first, too. Benjamin also does "kisses;" if you make a kissy face and noise at him, he will smack his mouth in response. Benjamin waves and claps, and right now Asher only waves. Asher does a great deal of babbling, often with emotion and emphasis. He says "dadadada," "mamama," "nananana," and often hisses out s's or things that sound like "ts."

They are both playing with their walker a lot, and racing in laps around our downstairs with it. They stand independently, but in front of me have not taken any steps. They love toys that rattle and shake, and spend lots of time fighting over them and then shaking them so hard they smack themselves or each other. They have both figured out putting things in/taking things out, so they enjoy doing that over and over with their toys.

On Wednesday, they had their first sippy cups of cow's milk. They seem to like it, but are just not that good at using their sippy cups. Asher's appetite has returned, and he's been eating chicken, cheese, and macaroni and cheese like it's going out of style.

The breastfeeding is another post in and of itself... I have decided that at 12 months I am going to try to cut back, but not stop by any means. All three of us seem to still enjoy it, and while I am not comfortable saying that I will breastfeed until they decide they are ready to wean, I just don't feel like right now is the time. Eric and I have followed our instincts on a lot of other matters with our guys, and it seems to have worked out for us, so I think I will do the same with breastfeeding.

Right now we are all happy and healthy. Each day they seem to learn a new skill, or do something different. In general, they are sweet and easy-going, and I love our time together. I have been working 3 days a week, and it's hard to leave them 3 days in a row, but I do then value the time we have together.

I'm planning their birthday (I can't believe it is so soon!) and practicing some recipes for the party. So far, everything has turned out well! I am not going all out with decorations or a theme, but I am cooking and baking all the food and cakes-- that's where my priorities are!

so in love

2011-03-05T18:49:00.000-08:00

Before I had babies, I would always hear stories of people giving birth and instantly feeling overwhelming love for their children. This didn't happen for me. I remember being in the hospital and realizing that I had not yet fully grasped that those two small babies were coming home with me, and that I would be their mommy for the rest of my life. My time in the hospital felt so surreal, and while I knew that I loved my boys, I did not yet feel it.

Those first few months were hard, even though I had family constantly supporting me. There was such pressure to feed, to pump, to change them, and to then try to remember to shower and feed myself. Those days were about surviving, and I rarely felt I had the time to simply enjoy them. They needed me, and of course I loved them, but I was so caught up in the necessities of caring for them that I did not luxuriate in my feelings.

Now, almost a year later (and really, for some time now), I feel completely and madly in love. I cannot look at my boys without feeling stunned by their beauty, and with the honor that comes from being their mother. Last week as we drove home from Maine, I sat in the third row of the minivan and watched them sleep. I could feel my heart clench at how perfect they are: I am heart-breakingly in love with my children.

They are so much fun, and I am proud of them everyday. Benjamin has become an expert hugger, and it is a delicious feeling to have his little arms wrapped tight around my neck. Asher has continued to be snuggly beyond his cold, and I get many moments each day with him in my arms, his head resting on my shoulder, as he sucks his thumb. I told Eric that I wish there were a way to capture these moments, the feeling of loving them fully and being loved in return, of always making them smile when I walk into the room. I love them more everyday, which is crazy, because everyday I feel as though I love them to bursting, but it's true. I am so in love.

11 months old!

2011-02-27T18:57:00.000-08:00

The boys turned 11 months old yesterday! And yes, I didn't write. I am exhausted. We have all been sick, and on top of it I have not been sleeping well. I feel like my cold will drag on forever without good rest. And of course, I can't be upset about the boys waking more at night considering that they have fevers and are all stuffed up. I will update more about what is new this month later; for now I need my rest!

I am just sick of winter, and sick of all this illness! Today we heard from Eric's mom that she was diagnosed with bronchitis and pneumonia, and tonight my grandma Sonia is in the hospital with pneumonia. It is just too much, and too awful. I hope we are all healthy and well soon.

Benjamin's first steps!

2011-02-25T18:56:00.000-08:00

Benjamin took some steps today... of course I was in the shower (at 5 pm, that's what kind of day it was). He took some steps to get some Cheerios, he is very motivated by his tummy, just like his mommy!

Asher has not really taken steps since last week, and at this rate, Benjamin will be running circles around him in no time!

We are still sick-- Asher has been running a fever all day, and I have the world's best cold. Ugh. I cannot wait for winter to be over. I told my mother-in-law we're not visiting in February again. There isn't anything for the boys to do in the winter, and next year they're going to go nuts if they're stuck in a house all week. Today was a huge snow storm, even though they were just predicting a mix of snow and rain, so it's probably better that we didn't hit the road.

And why did we stay? So that we could buy a minivan, and my dad, who would do anything for his family, could drive our old vehicle up for us to trade it in. I am still a little in denial about the fact that I will be driving around in a minivan, but with twins I think it will make life much easier. I will update about the van once I get to drive it a little more. It's a 2009 Chrysler Town & Country, and we know the previous owner. It has 14,000 miles on it and lots of accessories. I really hope I like it, because honestly, I'm not 100% excited about being a minivan driver, as much as I have loved and embraced motherhood.

a bunch of sickos!

2011-02-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

Asher with his mommy-- both sick!

Well, we have managed to get sick. My father-in-law, Steve, started feeling sick on Monday, and while we tried to tell him to hide in the bedroom, it seems his germs were all around. Last night, my mother-in-law, Pat, and I both started coughing. Then this morning, I woke up with a fever, and by the time Asher woke up from his nap, he had a fever, too. Looking at this picture, I see that Asher looks better when he's sick than I do.

So today was tough, Asher wanted to be held a lot, which I was happy to do, since I didn't have the energy to play. But that left out poor Benjamin. Fortunately, being here with my in-laws, Pat was able to give Benjamin plenty of attention and hugs. For now, Benjamin seems ok, but I really think it is only a matter of hours before he gets sick, too.

What a vacation! We are also about to buy a minivan, heaven help us. We always swore we would never drive a minivan, but now that we have twins, we are singing a different tune. I will update more on that later, for now, I have to sleep!

Party weekend

2011-02-22T18:26:00.000-08:00

On Saturday morning we headed up to New England. First for a stop at my grandparents' apartment in Cambridge to celebrate my grandmother's 86th birthday:

Grandma Sonia with her granddaughter and 2 great-grandsons

She looks great for 86! She was so happy to have all her family all around her. My mom made a delicious chocolate cake, there was Prosecco, cheese, and fruit-- all my major food groups.

5 of my grandparents' 6 great-grandchildren (and me)

My parents, sister, Eric, me, and our little angels

Then Eric took our boys to meet his parents in New Hampshire, and handed them off. Then Eric turned around and came back to Cambridge so that we could attend a surprise engagement celebration for his friends Juliette and Michael. After the engagement party we drove up to Maine to start our vacation there.

My mother-in-law, Pat, planned a mini-birthday party for the boys since none of the family will be able to make it to their bigger celebration at home. Their cousins were supposed to attend, but instead my sister-in-law was taking them to urgent care clinics-- our niece Myah had pneumonia and an ear infection, and our nephew Kiptyn had bronchiolitis. How awful for them!

We had Eric's grandparents and aunt Annette for a big lunch.

Benjamin and Asher waiting for a birthday lunch

Eric's grandmother brought ham and beans, and we ate that ham like it was going out of style.

The family enjoying lunch

Then there were cupcakes! Pat brought out candles so we could sing Happy Birthday to the boys.

Moments after this photo was taken, Benjamin reached for the candle, and Pat gasped and drew it back.

Benjamin burst into tears!

He quieted down with a hug, we started singing Happy Birthday over again, and then it was time to eat dessert!

I gave Benjamin and Asher each half of a cupcake. Asher seemed to catch on to cupcake-eating very quickly.

But they both seemed to love dessert.

Unfortunately, they seemed to have some upset tummies the next day, so maybe all that food wasn't such a good idea. After cupcakes, we opened the boys' gifts, and then they went down for naps.

We are enjoying our time here, even if it is very cold! Also, our nieces and nephew have been sick (pneumonia, ear infections, bronchiolitis), so we haven't seen them yet, but hopefully tomorrow they'll be well enough for a visit. I am also enjoying my tradition of ice cream everyday, I am so lucky my brother-in-law owns an ice cream shop!

Asher took his first steps!

2011-02-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

My monkey in his monkey pajamas

I went to work today and told my mom I thought Asher was working hard on walking.

And I was right-- Asher took his first steps today!

Of course it would have to happen while I was at work... I barely work, so it is pretty funny that he would do it when I was gone. Earlier in the day, I spent a lot of time next to him on the floor, encouraging him to take a step toward me, but he kept dropping down to his butt.

Now I can't wait til tomorrow to see him try again!

pea brains anonymous

2011-02-14T19:04:00.000-08:00

This is a fictional club that my mom and I started back in 2002. We're the charter members, but we have some other great members, like my grandma Sonia and my friend Amanda. In order to be a member you have to have done, and continue to do, pea-brained things. For example, my grandmother used to invite people to dinner and forget. All the time. If you were at the house and the doorbell rang around dinner time, there was always complete panic-- "Who did I invite? What will I serve them?!?!" Lucky for her, she is sweet enough and enough fun to be around that no one seemed to mind getting lousy dinners on those nights.

Amanda most recently extended her membership in Pea Brains Anonymous (PBA) by trying for several minutes to swipe her credit card in the turnstile at the subway station in New York City. Needless to say, she missed that train!

I am currently working overtime to maintain my membership in the club. I'm not sure if it's mommy brain or what, but last month we missed Molly's son Nate's birthday party, and then today I arrived at the dentist at 10:30 for my appointment, only to find my appointment was at 11. Since having the boys, I've also had mishaps at work (the worst was when I changed a client's appointment time at her request, promptly forgot, and then was late to the session. I would have KILLED my therapist if she'd done that. My client is, fortunately, nicer than I am). Eric suggested that whatever system I am using to organize myself might not be working and perhaps it is time for a change. I completely agree it's not working, but I am not sure what else to do!

Part of the problem is that I used to have an excellent memory. You could tell me something once, and I would absolutely not forget it. Not only would I remember what we talked about, but I would remember what day we had the conversation, and what I was wearing at the time. No longer. Now, if it's not written down, it doesn't exist. So you would think writing it down would be enough, but now I am forgetting to check what I have written down (this is what happened today with the dentist). As I type, I am realizing that I am not sure when I have supervision this week, but I think it might be at the same time that I am scheduled to get a haircut. Argh!

I also know it is because I am tired. My brain just doesn't work as well without sleep. Some nights this is my fault, staying up too late, but other nights it is because my boys have woken, and even if I don't get up to feed them, my sleep is interrupted. Oh, and Eric snores. But I don't see any of that changing soon, so I have to figure something else out.

Any suggestions to help me organize myself are welcome, but feel free to tell me if you'd like to join our club, and what you've done that merits membership!

A new camera & a new doctor

2011-02-10T18:01:00.000-08:00

The boys playing, as captured by our new camera

I came home from work yesterday and saw a manual for a Canon Rebel on the couch next to Eric... whose Canon Rebel would that be? That would be OURS! I am really excited to have a good camera, and my friend Cass is going to give me a tutorial about how to use it best, since right now I only take pictures on "auto." Anyway, even on auto our pictures are better than with our previous camera. I am only sad that we waited until our guys are 10.5 months old to get a really nice camera.

A very serious Benjamin

I also made the decision to take the boys to a new pediatrician. I had thought about it before, first when the boys were 3 months old and their suggestion for dealing with Benjamin's car seat hatred was to "pick a closer destination." But there have been other issues, like it is always a mob scene in the waiting area, and they seem to take some patients before others who have been waiting longer, and even when you are waiting for a long time, the doctors come out and chit-chat with their favorite patients.

The straw that broke the camel's back was dealing with Asher's diarrhea. I took him in Wednesday a week ago, the doctor listened to his heart and said he was fine, and then they told me to bring in a stool sample. Eric dropped the stool sample off on Thursday, the 3rd. On Monday I called to see if they had gotten any results, and they said someone would call me back. No one did. Tuesday afternoon I called again, and the woman who answered said, "Honestly? Someone would call you if they were in." And pretty much hung up on me-- didn't ask my name or my number or even imply that she would check if the results were in or call me back.

It is now Thursday, and I have not heard anything. You can't tell me it takes over a week to get these results. In the meantime, Benjamin's pooping has also increased, and they both have sore little tushies from all the pooping and wiping.

In thinking about finding a new doctor, I asked around, and Asher's occupational therapist suggested her pediatrician, which is a little farther away, but is a much smaller practice. I called on Tuesday afternoon after being spoken to so rudely by our (now former) pediatrician's office, and the new pediatrician's place was able to make an appointment for us right away.

We went in this morning and were seen promptly, the waiting area had no other patients in it. We saw a nurse practitioner, who spent over an hour with us. She looked closely at both of our boys, and said they seem perfectly healthy. I had brought in their diapers from that morning, and she checked for blood (there wasn't any), and sent them off for further testing. She said we would hear by Monday at the latest. It really was much better, and the place seemed far more calm and organized than our previous pediatrician.

Now I have to call so they will pull the boys' charts so I can bring them to the new pediatrician's. I would like to let someone there know that I was unhappy with how things were handled, but I'm not sure that they care. In any case, I think we will be happy at this new practice, and that my boys will be in good hands.

My snaggle-toothed Asher Bear

Tonight I am alone-- Eric had to fly to South Carolina for a meeting. My parents came over to keep me company, and I put the boys to bed early because they were extremely tired and extremely crabby. Poor Asher couldn't stop crying, and my heart was breaking for him. I couldn't wait to get him in bed so that he could relax and sleep, which he seems to be doing. And I won't be far behind! I am looking forward to a quiet night without Eric's snoring, although of course I will miss having him by my side.

What a wonderful weekend!

2011-02-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

I am sorry for the lack of posts in the past week, but there was not much good news to report. Asher continued to poop several times a day, my cold was completely draining, and our nanny called out on the one day she works because of the weather.

But the week ended wonderfully, with a weekend away with our neighbors, Tom, Amy, and Paden, at their beach house. We left Friday around 2, and it took only 1 1/2 hours to get to their house at the Jersey Shore. They have a lovely house with 5 bedrooms, plenty of room for our family and theirs.

Paden sleeping peacefully

Our weekend mainly consisted of cooking, eating, and relaxing. My boys were happy to make trouble all day long, of course. Benjamin found some new trouble-making activities. He managed to get up the carpeted steps at record speed! Also, he enjoyed opening cabinets and pulling out whatever was inside:

Benjamin playing in one of the safer cabinets

Asher also monkeyed around.

Asher trying out his old infant seat that he gave to Paden

Asher remembering how to hop right out and scamper away

Friday night for dinner we had chicken, asparagus, and roasted potatoes. Eric and Tom drank beer and wine, and Amy and I had ice cream for dessert.

Saturday morning I made pancakes, and the boys had pancakes and strawberries for breakfast. Both were a big hit!

Asher with only pancake because he ate all his strawberries

When the boys went down for their morning nap, Amy and I made trouble in the kitchen. She made a butternut squash and crab soup, and I made braised short ribs. We had the soup for lunch and the short ribs for dinner, and everything was so delicious.

Tom and Amy were great hosts, and we really felt completely at home. We all got along easily, and it was pleasant to be with a family with a baby of their own, who were not eager to go out during nap times or stay up late getting wild and crazy.

Tom and Amy let us use their video monitor while we were there, and it was so fun to use! At nap time on Saturday, the boys riled each other up. I looked at the monitor and didn't see Asher, so I assumed he was asleep. Next thing I see, Asher is flying across the screen with a humongous goofy grin on his face. The next time I looked, Asher had taken off one of his socks and was waving it at Benjamin, who reached out and grabbed it, and they looked like a married couple doing the hora with a napkin. Then they did tug-of-war (Asher won), and then it looked like Benjamin was crying, and Asher reached out to pat his hand and comfort him. I really wish we had gotten a video monitor of our own!

Benjamin playing with Paden

We came home today to try to clean and run errands. Eric's job was to install the boys' convertible seats so they would graduate from their infant seats. I know we are "late" on this, but got the Chicco Keyfit-30s so we would have extra time in them. But the boys' feet are hanging over the edge, and we estimated Asher's height at 29 or 29 1/2 inches, so it was time. Here is Benjamin modeling his new big-boy car seat:

He is a total ham for the camera. He was sitting in that seat with no real expression on his face until Eric pulled out the camera, and then he grinned like a supermodel on a photo shoot. He is so adorable! Both boys get cuter each day.

I am starting to plan their first birthday, and have some ideas in the works... I need to get on the invitations this week so that people have plenty of advance notice! I cannot believe my little angels are so close to 1 year old!

Enough, already!

2011-01-31T18:47:00.000-08:00

The boys checking out our surprise one foot of snow

Ok, I love the snow. I love watching it fall, I love seeing it on the trees, and I love sledding. But I think I am done with winter. In this month alone, Asher has had pink eye, I have had strep, and now Asher has diarrhea and I have a cold. The only positive in our current situation is that my nose is so stuffed up that I can't smell Asher's stinky diapers!

We have been making play dates with our neighborhood friends when the weather is bad so that I get some adult company. But I have had to cancel clients at work a couple of times because of the weather, and I feel like a flake when I do it. It is hard to get really engaged with my work when the days I'm there are so sporadic.

The weekend was not so wonderful. We had a birthday party to attend on Saturday, and I had written on my calendar: "Nate's b-day party: 12-2." Apparently, I am a fiction writer. The party was from 10-12, so when we arrived to the party location shortly after noon, the party was over! We missed the WHOLE thing. I can't tell you how upset I was. I was upset because it was Nate's 3rd birthday, and we had missed his first birthday when he was sick, his second when I was on bed rest, and now his 3rd because I am a pea-brained dope. Fortunately, Nate's mom (and my friend), Molly, invited us over to their house to hang out, so we had lunch there and saw the birthday boy (who was too busy playing with friends to notice us!). It was nice to see everyone, but I felt so awful for missing the whole party.

Benjamin "Could He Possibly Be Any Cuter?!?" Bunny

Saturday night I began to feel like I was getting a cold. That is the worst feeling, knowing you are getting sick and there's nothing you can do about it. We went out for Vietnamese food with my parents after the boys went to bed; we had our neighbor's son come to babysit and he seemed to handle the babies well. It was a fairly short evening out, since we left at 7 and had to be home at 9:30.

On Sunday, Eric wanted to go to Ikea, and I told him we should take the boys since we had a good time there the last time we went. Ikea was fine, but we went in separate cars so Eric could run errands afterward, and I could take the boys home for naptime. I left Ikea much later than their naptime, figuring they would sleep in the car, and I would just get them in their cribs once we got home.

Asher tried to get his own puffs... as a reward Daddy fed him on the floor!

Unfortunately, that is not how it worked. They did fall fast asleep in the car, but when I got home, there were no parking spots in front of our house, so I went to park around the corner... and got stuck in a snow bank! Eric was not around, our neighbor Tom wasn't answering his phone... I stopped some poor stranger in the street and he was nice enough to help dig me out, which took forever. The boys slept through the whole thing! Since I couldn't park at our house, I drove to my parents', hoping the boys would sleep there, but they apparently didn't get the memo, because Benjamin woke as I carried him in the door, and his cries woke Asher. So there I was, in my parents' non-baby-proofed house, chasing two babies around the whole downstairs. They ate sea shells, poured water from the cats' dish on to themselves, and tried to eat kitty kibble. Eric drove home, and then dug out a parking spot for me, so after about an hour at my parents' house, I packed the boys up and went home. Eric and I tried to get them down for Naps, Round 2, but it was a no-go. I could not WAIT for bed time!

The weekend was far more tiring than I would have hoped. This coming weekend we have plans to go to our neighbors' house on the Jersey shore, and that should be a nice, quiet, and relaxing weekend. We will hang out, cook and eat, and take care of our babies. I am excited to have Eric around, not working, not running errands.

But, I'm done. I'm done being sick, I am done trying to navigate the snow and lousy weather with my two little boys, and I'm tired of being tired. I know winter can't go on forever... but I sure could use a vacation!

Happy 10 months to my boys!

2011-01-26T18:59:00.000-08:00

"Playing" with toys

I can't believe my guys are 10 months old already! I am starting to think about their 1st birthday party, which is crazy. I can't believe how quickly these past 10 months have gone by, and every time I look at my big boys, I can't imagine that they were ever those itty bitty babies I gave birth to.

Lately they have been sleeping really well, at a minimum they go 10 hours (7 pm - 5 am), but they often go 11-12 hours, which is very restful for their parents! They are getting 3 meals a day, and seem to enjoy solids and table foods. They are still nursing frequently, but not for as long. I am dreading the end of breastfeeding, I really love that time I have with them.

They are working on standing independently, and have each done it for a few seconds at a time, but not with regularity. Benjamin started trying it in the bathtub, which makes me really nervous!

Asher has 6 teeth, and Benjamin is getting his top 2 teeth in, for a total of 4. We don't have a scale, so I am not sure what they weigh, but I do think they are growing, as there are clothes that no longer fit them. In general, they are easy-going, playful, and cheerful boys, and I feel lucky to have gotten two babies with such good temperaments.

The other day, we had our first, "Gee, it sounds awfully quiet..." moment. Asher had gotten ahold of the box of tissues, pulled them all out of the box, and eaten some of them! Here he is, trying to run from the scene of the crime:

And Benjamin going to inspect the damage:

It could have been a lot worse! But really, nothing is safe. One day I came into the room, they had grabbed the phone and I heard someone saying, "Hello? Hello?" I have NO idea who they called, but I hung up quickly. I am dreading their first 911 call.

Everyday here is an adventure, a vast difference from one year ago, when I was on strict bed rest, in bed all day. At times I miss the quiet, the time to watch my crappy TV shows or catch up on email... but I am only too happy to spend time with my perfect boys. I could never have imagined what this life would be like, but we are having so much fun.

Advice for moms-to-be

2011-01-25T19:24:00.000-08:00

A gratuitous picture of Benjamin's perfect face

I have had a few thought recently about things I wish I knew before I had babies/before I registered for baby things.

1) Do not buy an expensive crib. We didn't go top-of-the line, but we paid more than Ikea/Target prices, and it's not worth it. The cribs look lovely. They are sturdy. And I hope they are safe. But, both boys have taken to teething on the rails of the crib. Every time I go to get them after a nap, they have bits of finish from the crib around their mouths (I am praying it's non-toxic!). The cribs look like a woodchuck slept in them. Not worth the money!

2) Do not buy expensive crib bedding sets. You won't use the bumpers much, you won't use the quilt at all, and the baby will spit up all over the sheet.

Asher eating his book

3) Don't worry about toys. My guys have tons of toys, and they couldn't be bothered with their real toys. They like measuring cups, tupperware, pulling books off of shelves, eating books, and whatever object the other one is holding.

4) A video monitor might actually be a good idea. My thought was, our house is small, I'll hear them, I can get to them quickly... And when they were small and not really moving within their cribs, sound was fine. But now that they move around and play in their cribs (and teethe ON the crib), I wish I could get a glimpse of what they are up to before I go in. Especially because we sometimes let them cry a little during nap time if they haven't napped long enough. Recently, Benjamin has managed to get his limbs stuck between the slats of the crib. And when I say stuck, I mean stuck-- I had a hard time getting his knee out, and it left him with a big bruise! A video monitor would help to know when I need to get there in a hurry, and when they are likely to settle back down. I don't think video is great if you are going to stay up all night watching to make sure your child is breathing, but at this point, if I could switch it on and see what they were up to, it would be helpful!

I know there are other tips, but these are the ones that are on my mind right now. I'll post more as they come to me!