Benjamin: 9 years old

My cutie pie in the snow

While I never thought I would survive the first 12 months of the boys' life, now the years speed past. The boys are more than halfway through their time at elementary school, and halfway through their time as minors. I mentioned to my mom that they are halfway to 18, and she said, "I hope you enjoyed the first 9 years, because it's all downhill from here!" Thanks, Mom.

At 9, Benjamin is still a sweet and and affectionate. I still get hugs in public, and he will even hold my hand. He requests snuggles, even if he is wiggly with bony elbows.

sweet face

Benjamin is a dedicated and serious reader. He has an amazing memory for the things he reads, and so has gathered all kinds of information about science and history that I don't have any knowledge of myself. Due to his reading, he has an extensive vocabulary, and gets the hardest spelling words of any 3rd grader I've ever seen! He even helped correct my spelling the other day while he was reading over my shoulder. At school he is inconsistent in his attention, and tends to devote himself to only the things that interest him. This means some weeks are better than others. He seems to easily understand everything that he is taught, but runs out of energy for test-taking and report-writing.

He has made a close friend at school this year, and he and this friend seem to genuinely and mutually enjoy their time together. Through this friend, Benjamin has developed an interest in collecting sports trading cards, and in knowing some sports statistics. Benjamin still likes to carry Tiggy in his pocket and tries to sneak him to school- so we pat him down almost everyday. Tiggy has a tendency to go missing, most recently for a period of 3 weeks! Benjamin was crying every night about missing him, and then one day, Charlotte spotted Tiggy in another kindergarten teacher's hands! How he got back to kindergarten remains a mystery, but it was a joyful reunion.

Benjamin has also had some social struggles at school- he has a classmate who he seems to clash with at all times. Benjamin hasn't always behaved the best; we got one call from the vice principal that Benjamin had kicked this boy in the leg over a wall-ball argument. But the boy has continued to pick on Benjamin. We've had to have conversations about choosing friends, letting things go, and of course, not using violence to solve interpersonal problems. Later in the year, Benjamin was able to reach out to the vice principal to help him solve problems, which is preferred to kicking.

His speech is also a work in progress- he gets speech at school, and has improved his pronunciation of many things, but is still working on his "r," which is apparently one of the more difficult sounds to master.

Benjamin's Thanksgiving cartoon

Benjamin has developed a love for sarcastic comics- he started with Calvin & Hobbes and has moved on to Zits, Garfield, and Get Fuzzy. He has a very mature sense of humor. We also have love to watch some of my favorite movies from my childhood, like The Money Pit and Spaceballs. His giggle is infectious, and I love hearing him laugh.

His love for video games continues unabated, much to my frustration. He will sneak any electronic device that he can, and I have to keep my computer and my cell phone locked at all times. He is a pretty good typist, but we keep him from typing his schoolwork because he tends to get distracted by all the other available programs on a computer.

He also has an interest in war and weapons, and reads books about various wars and battles (of which I have no knowledge), and remembers everything that he reads. I remember when my cousin's son had a similar fascination, and he is now headed off to West Point next month, so I suppose it led to a productive outcome.

One of the several hundred selfies Benjamin has taken with my phone

Benjamin's anxiety seems much better over the past two years. Two years ago he couldn't bear to be at big school parties, and now he enjoys them, but needs (or prefers) a parent close by for reassurance. He has also tried many new things, and eagerly took on a role in our synagogue's Purim spiel. The rehearsal for the spiel gave us lots of Mommy-Benjamin time, which we enjoyed. One day we had the opportunity to go to the Philadelphia Auto Show, and we loved it!

Trying out a fancy car

Benjamin is still the best eater of all of my kids. He prefers dinner foods for breakfast, so he often eats leftovers, or I will make him a grilled cheese or hot dog. Many mornings he will open the fridge and stare into it before declaring, "There's nothing I want in here!" He is also the least likely (which isn't the same as completely unlikely) of the children to sneak candy and treats, which I appreciate.

Snuggling

Benjamin will be going away to overnight camp this summer for the first time. He is anxious, but has been working with his therapist to get ready. Eric promised him a trip to a video game virtual reality experience the day he comes home as a reward to seeing it through, so he is holding on to that to get him through his time there. 

He has also become a pretty decent swimmer and can swim enough to pass the deep water test. He isn't interested in sports, but enjoys art of all kinds. I don't need him to be an athlete, I just want him to love what he does, be kind to others, and love himself as he is. 

The boys turned 9! (two weeks ago)

Our family on the boys' birthday

I will write their individual posts, but wanted to reassure whatever few readers remain that my boys did turn 9, and I did celebrate them.  The celebrations began with a birthday party with about 20 friends from school, at a local sports venue. We had their party there last year with a nerf battle and a round of laser tag, and the laser tag was far and away their favorite part, so this year it was 2 laser tags with pizza and cake in the middle.

Benjamin got a Tiggy cake and Asher got a rabbit

Eric was hesitant about playing the first round of laser tag, but I made him. I stood outside and watched, and what did I see but one 6'1" child running around and shooting 3rd graders like it was WWII and they were Nazis. Laser tag ended and Eric proudly came out and told me that he scored the most shooting points of anyone. I was patting myself on the back- we had enough pizza and cake (unlike Charlotte's party in January), everyone seemed to be having a pretty good time.

Asher and his cake

We went to play the 2nd round of laser tag, and I joined in as well. About halfway through, one of Asher's friends came up to me and told me that Charlotte was crying and looking for me. I found her covering her eye, so I pulled her out of the room into the light to see what was happening, and saw that she had blood all over her face. She'd split her eyebrow on someone's laser tag vest. The party ended with me rounding up a ride to the ER from our synagogue's cantor (his daughter is in Benjamin's class), and going to spend the rest of the warm, sunny afternoon in the ER.

Blood around her eye, and chocolate around her mouth- when stressed, eat chocolate

I told Charlotte she was a pirate

Fortunately it seemed pretty quiet there, and even though we were a very low priority, we got out within 2 hours, and I went home to stress eat the leftover pizza and cake from the party. She seems to be healing fine, although the surgical glue that they used has yet to come off.

Birthday breakfast

On the boys actual birthday, I tried to make them feel extra special, even though they had school. I bought them birthday balloons, and Eric made them cinnamon rolls for breakfast. I worked only a few hours and then came home to make special birthday dinner- homemade mac & cheese, hamburgers, and a homemade ice cream cake.

Singing happy birthday

Homemade ice cream cake. I give myself 2 thumbs up.

They received lots of generous gifts from their friends, and their grandparents all contributed to new bikes for the boys, which we have yet to order or buy- that is Eric's responsibility!

A week ago we had their 9 year old well visit, and their current stats are:

Asher: 52.5" tall (2.5" taller), 65.8 lbs (9.2 lbs heavier)

Benjamin: 51.25" tall (2.75" taller), 62.5 lbs (7.9 lbs heavier)

The doctor said, as usual, that they look great, and have perfectly shaped bodies. Benjamin is clearly on the smaller side, but he still seems to be on his same curve. He eats perfectly well, so that is certainly not our concern. They didn't get any shots this time, but at 10 they will get their cholesterol checked and their first round of meningitis and HPV vaccines.

Lucky us, getting to celebrate another year of joy and good health. At this time of year, as spring begins and the trees blossom, I always remember the boys' first spring with us. Some of the memories are pleasant, like sitting in the glider in their bedroom with the window open and watching the trees blossom in our neighbors' yards, and some of them are unpleasant, like crawling into bed after a feeding just as the sun was coming up and the birds began chirping. This is my favorite time of year, and celebrating 4/5 of our family birthdays in spring only makes it more special.

Charlotte's first lost tooth

I have Charlotte's tooth and she has a hole in her mouth

Last night Charlotte lost her first baby tooth! It had been pretty loose for a few days, and she had stopped eating food that required her to bite into it (her soft sandwich had to be torn into tiny bites). Finally last night, before bed, she asked Eric to yank it for her. She was scared, but determined. She sat on my lap and I held her tight, and we both closed our eyes. Eric made an attempt and it didn't come out, and she was devastated and started to cry. At this point, Asher came into the room due to all the commotion, so he got to witness the whole thing.

Charlotte asked Eric to try one more time, so he did, and out it popped. She was delighted! We put the tooth in a small plastic ziploc (even though I am trying to stop using plastic bags if at all possible), and she wrote a note to the tooth fairy. She was worried that the tooth fairy wouldn't get to her that night (because it has happened that the tooth fairy has been late to our house before..), but I assured her that the tooth fairy prioritizes first teeth over later teeth and that she would be there.

She wrote the note with no help

Eric went to bed without doing anything, but fortunately I wrote a nice note back and printed it for her (because when I handwrote notes for the boys they recognized my handwriting), and saved her tooth. She got a $2 bill to save, and a $5 bill to spend on something she wants. She told me today that since she had lost her tooth so late at night, she was going to talk about it all day today, and I told her that was fair. Tonight we were reading "Ramona the Pest" by Beverly Cleary, and in it Ramona loses her first tooth, but the illustration showed her with a full smile. So I let Charlotte take a black pen and color in a black gap so that Ramona and Charlotte's new smiles match.

Recent goings-on

Dress as your hero day at school. Charlotte is me, Asher is Barack Obama, and Benjamin is Eric

Here are some things that have been happening in January:

Charlotte started ice skating, and loves it. She now does dance on Monday, ice skating on Tuesday, gymnastics on Wednesday, and Daisies every other Thursday. She has started selling Girl Scout Cookies (which seems to be a joint venture between the two of us, since I seem to be asking everyone I know if they want to buy some). She is making lots of new friends at school, and had her first sleepover with a classmate on Saturday night. The two girls slept in Charlotte's big bed, and they were as cute as could be. We had chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, and I think it was a good experience for both girls.

Charlotte costumed as a Caramel DeLite

Asher is enjoying playing basketball. I have been avoiding attending games because they are on Friday nights when all I want is a delicious dinner and a glass of wine, but Eric told me I had to go this past Friday. I was completely resentful (irrational, yes. I know, I am a grownup, but I was childish in this instance) and so I went with a book to read while he played. The book wasn't completely enthralling, but I managed to be reading it when Asher went ahead and scored his only basket of the entire season! I instantly felt guilty. The next morning, I gave Asher an apology, and offered to attend this coming week, which he requested I do. Shame on me for not getting it right the first time, and now I get to spend another Friday night in a gym watching 9 year-olds play basketball.

We joined the Franklin Institute at the holidays, and we have made one visit in January, with their cousins Eli and Sonia. Benjamin was resistant after his negative experience with the planetarium years ago, but this time he managed to find many things to interest him. He saw that there is a flight simulator, so he now wants to save up money to pay for a chance to ride in it. He is having a little more trouble at school this year, and is in conflict with two boys in his class. He seems to be having a hard time expressing himself constructively, although he does have some new friends and has had some play dates. He is so bright, and has an excellent sense of humor, and I just wish for him to be seen by others the way I see him. We started back at therapy this week, and he seems to really enjoy it and benefit from it.

I made the mistake of suggesting that Eric and I watch "Tidying Up" with Marie Kondo on Netflix, and it lit a fire under him to throw out 33% of our belongings, and fold the remaining 67% of belongings in small, even rectangles. The kids' drawers have never been neater, but mine remain a jumbled mess. Benjamin and I don't do well with throwing things out, and Benjamin has had a few breakdowns as Eric sorted through old stuffed animals and t-shirts. We are both fine once the things are gone, but the process of choosing what to let go is emotionally draining. Eric's goal is that we would have a neat and tidy house all of the time, which I am good with in theory, but have difficulty executing in practice. I will keep you posted.

A tearful selfie Benjamin took with my phone while Daddy threw stuffed animals into a large trash bag

Now we are near the end of what is almost always the least eventful month of the year. I was supposed to go to Paris with my mom, but canceled a few weeks before our departure because I calculated that I had taken about 2 months of vacation in 2018- and my income showed it. I am now back at work without a scheduled break for the foreseeable future.

An entry by my son

By
 Benjamin Whitten

This is me on the 1st day of school. (FYI this is not by Rebecca it is by her son). If you want to know why i'm wearing a Patriots shirt it is because my dad is from ME. Here is a little about me and my school:.

• My teacher

     Mrs. Raicich

• My school 

        PWES

• Favorite food(s)

        Noodles, Sushi, Pizza, Mac & cheese.

      

Charlotte Eve: 6 years old

Charlotte with the light catching her beautiful eyes

Again, a little belated. Charlotte turned 6 on December 21. We celebrated that night with her favorite dinner- chicken pot pie- and some cake with Meema and Papa Nick, before leaving early on Saturday morning to go to Maine.

On her birthday, with a Christmas manicure

On the 27th, Eric took Charlotte to her 6 year-old well visit, where she measured:

44.5” tall (+2.25 from last year, 36.3 %ile)

48.4 lbs (+ 6 from last year, 69.5% ile)

Eric told me that she went up in percentile for height and down for weight, but he must have gotten those things confused since it is the other way around. I think, in the end, all 3 of my kids end up somewhere around average all of the time.

Charlotte at 6: She has made a seamless transition to kindergarten, and gets along well with all of her classmates- no surprise. We just had her birthday party today and hosted 30 of her closest friends, and I heard from all the parents that their children talk about Charlotte all the time. I am relieved that she has such an easy time socially, and that she is so confident in her social skills.

This year Charlotte has been taking dance and gymnastics, joined Daisies in a troop at her school, and now wants to begin ice skating! She is finally old enough to enjoy and value her activities, and she looks forward to all of them. I have watched some of her dance class, and she is good; I have seen the teacher ask her to demonstrate some of the moves to the rest of the class. My mom takes her to gymnastics, and reports that she is more skilled than most of the other girls in her group, and that while she's there she is constantly energetic and excited. The ice skating... we'll see. I end up indulging her interests because her brothers have almost no interest in outside activities, and I enjoy watching her participate and develop.

Charlotte is reading- she can read pretty much everything and the school says they are now working on her comprehension. I haven't noticed her lacking in comprehension, but I am also not a reading specialist. She loves to learn everything, and seems determined to outsmart her brothers at every step. Although she doesn't have homework in kindergarten, she likes to sit down and do some work in the afternoons, sometimes making up her own math worksheets. She loves to color, draw, and do crafts, and can keep herself occupied for endless hours with a craft project of some kind.

Charlotte loves kitties! But do they love her back?

She still loves her kitty cats, and is still sucking her thumb when she holds her stuffed cats at night. I have told her it's time to stop sucking her thumb, but she ignores me. Ignoring me (or Eric, or anyone who is saying something she doesn't care to hear) is one of her frustrating characteristics. It is one thing that drives us up the wall! She will continue doing exactly what we have asked her NOT to do while pretending not to hear us, and then throws a tantrum when we try to enforce a consequence.

Snuggles and her stuffed kitties

In general, she remains a cheerful and good-natured child. She is loving, affectionate, and charming. She can be sweet and complimentary. On the other hand, she can be willful and stubborn, and occasionally cutting. She is also funny and insightful. I figure I am in for a lot of trouble. She is probably much smarter than I am, and so I only have a little bit of time left before I am really truly doomed.

On a bike ride over the bridge to Philadelphia

We share a love for pop music, and listen to it whenever we are together in the car. We also love to dance together. Right now her favorite music is the Greatest Showman soundtrack, and all of Taylor Swift's music. She got an Echo Dot for her birthday and plays Taylor Swift's music whenever she is up in her room. I can't tell you what her favorite shows are, because she will watch almost anything. She went through a "Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse" phase a few months ago and it drove us all crazy- too dumb for words. She has since moved on to things like "Nailed It" on Netflix.

In a princess gown at Bed Bath & Beyond, after making me put blush on her

She remains a picky eater, an almost-vegetarian. We had a moment where I handed her a chicken drumstick, and she took a bite and said, "Do you call this 'chicken leg' because it's the leg of a chicken? Like a REAL chicken?" Eric and I held back and tried not to answer but Asher jumped in and helpfully said, "Yes, of course!" She looked back at the drumstick, dropped it on her plate and said, "I'm not eating that!" Great- another source of protein eliminated. She still loves yogurt, strawberries, and white carbs, without fail. It is more difficult to get her to eat a balanced diet than it is with either of her brothers.

Like a Degas dancer at the Philadelphia Museum of Art

The other day Charlotte climbed into my lap and said, "Mommy, I wish I could be you, and you wish you could be me." We have a mutual admiration of each other. I told her on her birthday, she is a joy to everyone who knows her, and I hope she continues to be a gift to everyone she meets.

Goodbye 2018

In a year that didn't see a great deal of posting, I wanted to write a wrap-up post. It feels as though change happens more slowly now, since our children are past the rapid change of infancy and toddlerhood. They have gained a great deal of independence, and can take care of most of their needs with minimal intervention from Eric and me. They can shower themselves, dress themselves, get their own snacks, and know how to work every electronic in the house. They all know how to read and write, and get pleasure from creating their own masterpieces. This has left Eric and me with more time to sleep, and to reconnect with each other.

That leads me to one of the many good parts of the year- Eric and I have had the time and energy to better our relationship. It wasn't in a bad place a year ago (not even close), but we have both focused on each other more this year than we have been able to since before the boys were born. I have spent time in my therapy focusing on what I could do better- which was, essentially, be less critical. It didn't benefit either Eric or me if I picked apart everything he did, or found fault when he tried to help me. I am lucky to have a husband who plays such an active role in parenting our children, and there really isn't anything to criticize, so why do it?

This has also allowed me to take a similar approach in my other important relationships. I have surrounded myself with loving and supportive people, and all I need to do is nurture those relationships, rather than hunt for negatives and dwell on them. I fear becoming a sappy sweet person; rather than the sarcastic, neurotic Jewish woman I believe I am, but my therapist assured me I was in no danger of losing that identity.

I have had the opportunity to make new friends this year. On my trip to Israel in November (I know, seriously, I didn't write about it? I have to do it, the trip was amazing) I met 14 women who changed my perspective on life and with whom I connected in deep ways. I am so fortunate to have been able to have that experience, and it carried me into the holiday season with new motivations and plans.

I have taken the time to enjoy my children. They are growing up so fast- I know, a terrible cliche, but so true- and I am savoring the feeling of their soft skin and little bodies. Asher will be my height in no time, but I insist on carrying him upstairs at night, even if his feet are bumping on the stairs as I go. Charlotte asks me to "carry (her) like a baby" down the stairs in the morning after we snuggle together in my bed, and I am doing it every day that she still fits in my arms. Benjamin still has the same laugh he had as a baby, and just hearing it makes me light up. I have three truly wonderful children, and I appreciate it each day.

Even prior to my trip to Israel, I felt a desire to be more connected with Judaism, and my trip cemented that desire. It is worthy of its own post, but I have always felt that being Jewish is a privilege, and with that comes the responsibility to educate my children about their history and roots. We live in such a Jewish area that it is easy to forget how few of us there are in the world at large, and I want my children to understand the bigger picture. In the coming year, my goal is to educate my children, and to reach out to their principal about Holocaust education in their elementary school.

This year also brought my sister the love of her life, and I look forward with eager anticipation to her wedding in May. Her fiancé is a perfect match for her, and the fun of wedding planning is still there, even when it isn't my wedding. (It could be that I am more excited about some details than she is... particularly registering.) There are few things more joyous than watching two people who love each other embark on a life together. Except maybe when those two people start having kids so my kids can have more cousins.

I've had the privilege of traveling overseas twice this year, plus a trip to Sedona (which was more beautiful than the pictures show) with my mom and a trip to California with Eric. We had numerous trips to family up and down the East Coast. I had a year of privilege and connection and new experiences. I look back on this year, and although it wasn't a year with rapid or groundbreaking change, it was a year of growth and and gradual shifting. I am hoping 2019 is just as wonderful!