Sunday, August 12, 2012

21 weeks & anxious ramblings


There are a few things I'm anxious about- we are approaching the point where I went on bed rest with my guys.  Of course this pregnancy has been different in pretty much every single way, but I can't help but feel a little superstitious, or worried.

I have an ultrasound on Wednesday to check my cervix again- I think this will be the last time I will come in for the specific purpose of having it checked.  I did look online and see that for most women with incompetent cervix, the cervix shortens between 18 and 22 weeks, and I am almost at 22 weeks.  But my ultrasound will be at 21w4d, which is exactly where I was when I found out my cervix was shortening in my last pregnancy.  I just don't know how I will take the news if it isn't good.

I am not a total worrywart- to be honest, I think everything will be fine.  I don't know if it is intuition or what, but in my last pregnancy I was worried that something was wrong, and that was what sent me in at 21w4d for an extra check.  This time I really feel like everything is just as it should be.  I hope that I'm right!

Then I am starting to think about labor and delivery.  A friend just found out her baby is breech (she is 34 weeks, so there is time for the baby to turn).  This friend had planned on a natural labor and delivery at the birthing center, so a breech baby would really screw with that plan!

In my last pregnancy I didn't really have my heart set on a vaginal delivery.  Of course I wanted one, but I felt like with a conception and pregnancy where nothing had gone as planned, I wouldn't get too wrapped in what I wanted- in the end, all I really wanted was two healthy, full-term babies.  Now that I have had an easy and quick labor and vaginal delivery, I really, really want another.  My OB has told me that he expects I will be able to have another easy vaginal delivery, which I like hearing.

I have thought about taking some kind of birthing class, which we didn't have the opportunity to do the last time around (hmmm... as I type this- am I behind on this one? Will the classes be full? What kind of class do I want?).  I know about labor, I know about the drugs available to me and how all that works, but I might want some kind of Lamaze or Bradley.  Realistically, I don't see myself going drug-free.  Those contractions were a BITCH.  Can you imagine going through that for hours?!?  If someone could promise me I would only be in labor for 4 hours, ok, I would try no drugs.  But longer than that, and forget it.

In any case, I have been fantasizing and romanticizing giving birth to a single, full-term baby.  I'll get to deliver in my labor room rather than an OR, I'll get the baby right away and for somewhat longer, we will hopefully be able to try to breast feed immediately as well. I remember them taking the boys away right after they were born, and I would like to keep this baby with me for longer, if I can.

Oh- this baby has a nickname, courtesy of my mom: Petunia.  Every time we say it, someone thinks that is her real name.  No, no plans to name her Petunia after birth, but it will work for the time being!

And, finally, a congratulations today to our good friends who welcomed their first child- a baby girl- this afternoon!  We hope she and Petunia will be good friends, too.

How far along?  21 weeks (although I won't publish this til tomorrow, when I will be 21w1d)
Total weight gain/loss?  Hmph. I feel like my hips are rapidly spreading.
Maternity clothes?  Yes. I even have a maternity bathing suit.
Pregnancy symptoms?  Sore breasts, some irritability (or is that because I am tired and have a cold?)
Stretch marks? Nothing new. But I seriously could end up bigger with one than with two, so maybe I will get them later.
Sleep?  Still not great. Sometimes trouble falling asleep, lots of dreams- some of them anxiety dreams. I am also still waking up early some mornings.
Best moment last week? I had my first stranger ask when I was due!  Then, last night (after I had initially written this) Eric got to feel Petunia move. He was mostly asleep, so I am not sure if he remembers, but it happened.
Movement?  Yes, movement. Just like mommy, she is most excited right around meal time- even before I eat!
Food cravings? No big or crazy cravings. I did mention to Eric that we haven't had steak in a while, so he went out and bought filet steaks for our dinner. They were pretty good!
Gender? Still a girl- we were told that for a 3rd time at our anatomy scan a week ago, so it must be true!
Labor signs? No, and fewer Braxton-Hicks than I was having a couple of weeks ago.
Belly button in/out? In.
What I miss: Taking cold medication when I am sick.
What I am looking forward to: another ultrasound to check my cervix and hopefully show everything is ok.
Milestones: Last week was 20 weeks- halfway through!

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