Monday, April 12, 2010

Saturday was my 30th Birthday

I always thought that if a big birthday (like 30) fell on a Saturday I would have a great big party.  Well, having 2 week-old twins has complicated matters a little.  Even if I felt like we could leave them with someone (and actually, I would leave them with my parents even now, I don't know if that makes me a bad mom), we are so tired at night that I can't imagine going out!

But I have done a little reflecting on my 20s.  In my 20s I: graduated from college, met my now-husband, got engaged, bought a house, got married, got my doctorate and a masters degree, got pregnant, and had twins.  Not too shabby!  Something tells me that my 30s will have fewer big changes and shifts, since I am now settled in a relationship and career.  I think in my 30s the milestones I notice will be the ones that my boys achieve.  And that's a little what this birthday is showing me, that it's no longer about me, and my life is no longer the primary focus, but these sweet little boys are.  I feel so lucky to have them, and really, what better way to celebrate a birthday than to hold these babies that I wanted so badly?

I also helped Eric a little with our taxes.  I went through credit card statements and highlighted our year's medical expenses.  In January of 2009 I began treatment at Main Line Fertility.  I saw our initial consultation, then the appointments from my first cycle, then the two weeks where I waited, then another flurry of appointments as I started a second cycle.  I saw the charges for medication from the cycles.  I remembered the anticipation of each cycle, the hope of getting pregnant, and then remembered the disappointment when my period inevitably came.  Then I got to the July statement, and saw the appointments for our IVF.   Then the appointments for ultrasound; my first, where we found out it was twins, the two emergency appointments after I had bled heavily and feared I was miscarrying; and my last, where I was discharged to my OB.

I keep thinking back to August 4, the day of my embryo transfer, where they handed me a picture of 6 embryos, 2 of them marked with little black X's:
 And suggested we transfer them both.  And we agreed.  I cannot believe those little clumps of cells are now my sons.  It all feels so recent, and yet so much has changed.

Overall, I felt very lucky on my 30th birthday.  I have everything I could want (ok, maybe except a night nurse to take care of the boys at 3 am...), and have more love and support than anyone I know. 

And just so this post isn't all dull ramblings, here are pictures of the boys' first baths:
Here is Asher getting started, loving it:
So, poor Asher.  He spent so long wedged in my pelvis that his neck is a little curved to his right.  We are doing neck stretches and tummy time to even it out, and have noticed it getting better already.  But his face got a little smooshed, too!  I feel terrible, even though I didn't "do" anything.  I also think he is a little cross-eyed.  I was cross-eyed as a baby and child, too.  I didn't get glasses until I was 4, and then wore them until I was 12, at which point my eyes had corrected themselves.  At last check, I had 20/20 vision.  If Asher's eyes stay crossed, we'll know what's wrong and get him in glasses younger than 4.  Apparently the fact that I could focus well led to some crankiness on my part as a kid, so I would love to avoid that with Asher!

And here is Ben:
As you can see, bath time has not yet become a relaxing event.  But I love how clean and sweet they are afterward.  I am using unscented bath bubbles and body lotion, I am not one of those people who worries too much about chemicals most of the time, but they are just so tiny it feels overwhelming to use heavily scented stuff on them.  Anyway, they are adorable and sweet and just so good I could eat them up!

1 comment:

  1. I love clean baby smell! It's one of the things I'm most looking forward to when I get there!