|Hot dog? Ice cream? Both!|
|Belly yesterday at 37w5d. Just in case I went into labor and had the baby.|
I'm 38 weeks tomorrow. I had my appointment today, and all is well with baby and me- her heart rate is good and strong, my blood pressure remains low, and I haven't gained any weight. We are healthy as can be. The OB gave me an internal- it was not the doctor who I usually see and have seen for the past couple of months- and he was not nearly as gentle as my usual doctor. It seemed like he couldn't find my cervix anywhere! Ouch! And then he told me, no change. Still about 1 cm dilated, 75% effaced. Hmph! I am having crazy Braxton-Hicks, some of which are becoming really painful, waking me up at night, and nothing??? That is really frustrating.
At the same time, I feel relieved. We have friends coming from Boston this weekend and a long list of things to do, like packing, painting, shopping, and baking (yes, I seem to think that tomorrow has 36 hours in it rather than 24). It will be much easier to get things done if I am still pregnant. I asked the OB if there were any restrictions and he said no, to go ahead and paint, bend and lift, pack, do whatever. I am kind of hoping intense activity will move things along.
I also feel a little eager to meet this baby. What will she look like, sound like, smell like? And yet I am happy to focus my attention on my two guys right now. I feel such guilt, that I know what's coming and they don't. Every night when we tuck them into bed I think, "Is this the last night that they'll be my only two children?" I am having trouble sleeping because I find myself thinking about things like that. As I've said before, I love them so much, and I worry that this new baby will upset them.
I also find myself thinking, "will I be sure when I go into labor" (dumb question, given the intensity of my contractions last time around). Will my labor be similar but shorter? More painful? Less? I am not scared of labor and delivery because it went so smoothly the last time, and I know the epidural is always there waiting for me.
There are just such feelings of ambivalence. I feel like our whole lives are in transition. And I hate the anticipation of change, even if I will love the effects of the change when it's done.
Today the boys and I went to Trader Joe's and I saw our lactation consultant there. I haven't seen her, other than for a brief moment when she came to visit my cousin last fall, since she came to help the boys nurse when they were 5 days old. She got them both latched and I really don't think we would have done it without her. She said it made her day to see them big and healthy, and me pregnant again. I told her I still carry her card with me and will be calling her if there's any trouble when Petunia arrives!
Time for bed- I'm exhausted and need to cram 2 days' worth of activities into tomorrow. We will definitely owe our friends dinner after all this!