goodbye, childbearing

I had my 6 week post-partum visit at my OB on Wednesday morning.  That's it- I will never be pregnant again.  It is the official close to my childbearing.  The end to the year of infertility, a twin pregnancy, and a surprise and perfect second pregnancy.  No more OBs, no more hospital, no more ultrasound for a peek at my uterus.  I am so sad.  What a gift to be pregnant, to bear children, and to bring life into the world.  What a joy to feel the kicks and pushes and turns of a little being you haven't yet met inside of you.  What a miracle to watch perfect little bodies emerge from yours and join the world.

I feel so lucky to have three beautiful children.  I wish I could do this again and again, but I can't.  For one thing, I think both Eric and I feel that we should quit while we're ahead- 3 perfect children is more than most people get.  We are financially and emotionally strained with the 3 we now have. I can't imagine how the scales would tip if we added a 4th.

I will miss my OB, as crazy as that might sound.  I feel attached to him after him seeing me through my difficult first pregnancy, and then delivering all 3 of my children.  He only does obstetrics, so I have no reason to see him unless I'm pregnant.  He is a wonderful man who has also cared for many of my friends.

The 6 week visit also means that I have no more excuses for not exercising (other than fatigue and lack of time).  It's time to get back on the treadmill or jogging on the street.  I am still registered to run a 10 mile run the first weekend in May- but considering I haven't exercised since April of last year, I'm not sure if I'll make it.

I'm feeling very down about my post-partum body.  I don't have any clothes that fit. I think I have about 25 lbs to lose- and that's a lot.  I was very upset before going to work Wednesday because I couldn't get into anything and look halfway decent.  Then at work a client who has had multiple miscarriages said to me (not knowing the trouble I had getting dressed), "I don't care how much weight I gain or how bad I look, it wouldn't matter if it meant a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby."  Well.  Thank goodness someone put it in perspective for me- I have a beautiful and perfectly healthy baby girl- even if I don't lose weight til we are done nursing, it will be worth it.