One year ago...

This time a year ago I was in the middle of my IVF cycle.  I did my first shot of stimulating medications on July 16, 2009.  On July 19, I went for my last jog (and this picture was taken at a friend's wedding) and on July 20 I had my first ultrasound to see how things were developing in my ovaries.  I remember it as a quiet time in my life.  I had purposely kept my schedule open, since I didn't know when I would have my appointments, my egg retrieval, and my embryo transfer.  After I was told to stop any kind of vigorous exercise, I walked everyday.  I loaded up my ipod with podcasts of This American Life and would walk around my neighborhood and the ones nearby, admiring people's homes and their gardens, occasionally getting lost, but always feeling peaceful and content. 

Yesterday I went for a walk, and listened to a podcast of This American Life, but I wasn't alone.  I had my two sons with me.  Most of the walk was peaceful, because the boys fell asleep, but the end was not so peaceful, because Benjamin woke up and immediately began screaming (see photo). 

One year ago, I don't think I would ever have imagined that I would have twin sons.  My life has changed so much.  There are still many moments where I mourn my "old" life, where I had time to myself and a full night's sleep.  But more often, I feel so lucky to have these two perfect babies, and can't imagine another outcome.  

The boys now pay attention to things going on around them.  It used to be that they could and would sleep through anything, including the other one's screaming.  Well, not anymore.  So yesterday, when one baby would start to nurse, the other would cry a little, and his brother would break off and start crying, so that both of them were lying there crying.  I just kept trying to quiet them down and nurse, and finally things calmed down, but this is happening more often, and I'm not sure I like it!

I have started going back to work.  I am going to work one day a week for a while, and I am very slowly filling my day with clients.  Yesterday I was relieved to go to work since the babies were fussing in the morning.  Of course, they then took long naps most of the time I was gone, but I still had a break.  We do have one problem: Asher has stopped taking a bottle.  This is my doing, because he is such an efficient nurser that I just kept nursing him.  My mom said if he won't take a bottle when she is here with him next week, she is going to give him rice cereal and banana.  So our project for this week: get Asher to take a bottle.

I'm also starting to feel restless.  In the spring and early summer, I was able to go out for walks almost everyday, but it has been so hot and humid now that it isn't safe to go out with the babies much past 9:30, so no walks, and no jogs.  We spend basically all day, everyday, in the house.  Going to my mom's house is the big event most days.  Last week I went to the mall just to get out of the house, be somewhere cool, and get some exercise.  I behaved and didn't buy anything other than a sandwich for lunch, but going to the mall once a week could quickly get expensive!  I want to go back to the gym again, but there is no real reason to spend money on a membership when I can't be assured that I'll have time to go.  So there is some frustration.

The boys are getting bigger each day.  They are much more verbal, especially Asher.  They will sit around and make baby noises, and smile.  They love putting things in their mouths, like their hands or lovies.  Here are some pictures from today:

Asher is not wearing any clothes because he spit up all over his onesie, repeatedly.  He got my shirt, too, but I didn't go topless, I just went around smelling like sour milk.

Here is Benjamin in the high chair at my mom's:

Above is Asher enjoying tummy time with his Tiger lovey.  Below is Benjamin trying out his fist for a snack.

And the two boys together on their tummies.  So big, so sweet!