34w2d & 3d: The Return of My Old Self

No, my old self has not returned with a vengeance.  34w1d did not find me on the treadmill, or vacuuming, or doing anything overly physical.  But, I did get out of bed and go straight to the babies' room to start organizing and putting away their books and toys.  And then I made my own breakfast.  I ran errands, and bought gifts for a shower I am going to tonight and for my aunt and uncle's 40th anniversary (Congratulations to them!  Jane and Ed have a very wonderful, loving marriage.  Ed always says he never thought it would work between them but I guess he was wrong.  They are the parents of 3 amazing children and grandparents to 4 sweet grandchildren.  I sincerely hope that Eric and I are headed in their footsteps).  I made my own lunch.  I helped empty the dishwasher.  And then I was exhausted!  I ended up on the couch and had a nice nap.

In the afternoon we had a visit from a good friend of Eric's from when he was in high school and college.  Kate was actually his girlfriend for a while, but that was long before Eric and I met.  She was a grooms woman in our wedding, and got married the summer after we did.  She is also now expecting!  She is 20 weeks, so our kids won't be too far apart.  She is taking a different route from us-- they won't find out the sex of their baby, and aren't discussing names.  She doesn't get weekly ultrasounds... and plans to work til the end of her pregnancy.  Eric and I are always astonished just how laid-back other people's pregnancies are.  Of course I wish I could have had the same, but we do feel lucky we have been taken good care of and have made it this far.

Then we had Friday night dinner at my parents' house.  We have Friday night dinner with my parents and aunt and uncle every Friday night, and suddenly I realized that we have a limited number of dinners left without our babies. These nights have a routine-- Eric and I go over around 6 or 6:30 and I generally help my mom finish cooking, then my aunt and uncle arrive around 7 and we have dinner.  We sit at the table and talk for a while, and then migrate to the couches in the family room and watch "What Not To Wear." Our evenings are very peaceful and relaxing; back when I was in school I was always exhausted on Friday nights and didn't have energy for more than that!  I know I will continue to look forward to Friday nights after the babies are here, because both my uncle Ed and my dad have the magic touch when it comes to babies, so I can count on them to calm the babies while I eat.  So I know I'll be eating one real meal like an adult even after the babies arrive!

... I didn't finish my last post, so I will include what we did Saturday night.  We attended the baby shower of my friend from the doctor's office, Elizabeth.  She is a little older than we are and she and her husband had a couples' cocktail party shower, which was really nice.  I got all dressed up (I had Eric take a picture but it helped me locate where else some of my weight gain has gone-- my upper arms-- and so I don't want to post it) and felt pretty cute.  My fertility doctor and some of the staff from the clinic were at the party, so that was exciting.  They all oohed and ahhed over my belly and repeatedly told me how good I looked.  I liked when people asked when I was due and I would tell them I was having twins and they were shocked!

Anyway, it was good to see all the people who helped us get pregnant.  I know they help hundreds of women get pregnant every year, but I feel attached to them, and their excitement over my pregnancy seemed genuine.  That is part of what I loved about the practice, that even though I knew they saw hundreds of women, that I felt known and taken care of.  I told my doctor I would call over there and give the information about their birth and bris as soon as they come, and he said he would love to attend their bris.  That would be so nice for us, too!  It was a really nice evening, but I came home exhausted from all the standing up and chatting.  I need to get my party stamina back, I guess.

34 weeks and the end of bedrest

Well, here we are, the 34 week goal that my OB had discussed as the end of bedrest.  I think I am still in shock that I actually made it.  I can't believe that now I can sit up at an angle greater than 30 degrees if I want, or run some errands, or really, whatever I have energy for.  Given my feelings of panic and anxiety 12 weeks ago, and how much my cervix had shortened in so little time, I am in awe that the last 12 mm I had have managed to hold out all these weeks.  Well, thank you itty bitty cervix, I am so grateful that you gave my sons this extra time to grow and mature!

The boys seem to be growing and active.  I did gain some more weight (we are no longer discussing numbers), and seriously, look at today's picture, it HAS to be in my belly.  Do you see my ankles? Normal!  Face? Normal!  I am at the stage where people in public places are quite solicitous of me and I think they are all worried I am about to go into labor in the middle of their restaurant/shop/grocery store.  On my non-stress test today they were so active, I could have sworn they were in a big fight.  A couple of times they bumped the monitors off! 

I got a call in the evening from my OB.  He said that next week he wants to see me to do an internal.  He said, "you must be curious about that cervix!" and I said, "Nope!  Nothing has come out of it, so I'm perfectly happy with its performance at this point."  I am not looking forward to the internal, but I guess it is time.  I'll also have my Group B Strep test.  It is just unbelievable that I can now turn my mind from constant worry and precaution to planning for the birth and homecoming of my babies.

We still don't have any cribs... I am going to call tomorrow to see what the status is.  We ordered the cribs 14 weeks ago and were told 12-14 weeks for delivery.  I am anxious, given that no one has called me to schedule delivery.  My friend had a lot of trouble with the furniture store and I was sincerely hoping that we wouldn't, but if they still don't know when the cribs will be delivered, we will have a BIG problem.  I am getting ready to nest, and the empty room that is supposed to be a home for my boys does not make me feel very ready.

Tonight Eric and I had a lovely date in town to celebrate.  I chose a restaurant we had not been to before (I can now recommend it, the restaurant is Meritage, at 20th and Lombard in Philadelphia), and we had a very nice dinner.  It is fun to be out and feel normal for a little.  I get a little uncomfortable sitting in a chair for a long time, but I suffered through.  I had scallops to start, duck breast as an entree, and we shared a chocolate-espresso pot de creme for dessert.  I don't think we'll have any more big dates, though, because they sure do add up, and we still need some baby things.  But it was great to go out in the city again and celebrate this week's achievement.

33w5d

Today's picture is of me when I was 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  I did not yet know I was pregnant (but I was drinking water, don't worry); we were at my cousin's wedding in Sonoma, and I was very worried, first of all because Trouble was missing back in Pennsylvania, and then because I wanted to be pregnant and still had to wait another 2 days to find out.  I am with my cousin Kyle and his mom Jennifer.  They live in Berkeley and are a lot of fun to be around.  I remember at the time already feeling bloated, and as if my breasts had gone up a size (they had).  But see how I had a waist? 

I have not written in a while for a few reasons.  One was that I was "busy," as modified bedrest goes.  On Saturday my mom came over and took me out for a walk.  We went up my street and back, twice.  Then I got back in bed!  It was tiring but not exhausting.  For lunch, my friend Dan came over and brought us some delicious food from a place in town called Garces Trading Company (Jose Garces is the newest Iron Chef and knows his way around food), and everything we had was very good.  Then on Saturday night we had our neighbors over, and I made turkey chili.  All by myself!  It was the first full dish I had made since getting put on bedrest.  I have apparently not lost all my skills in the kitchen, because it was delicious.

Saturday night as we were getting ready for bed I thought, "I feel really good!"  We got in bed and around midnight, contractions started.  Not regular, and not frequent enough to warrant a call to the OB, but enough to keep me up with gradually increasing anxiety.  I tried everything you are supposed to do to slow contractions: I drank lots of water, I peed a lot (the two do go hand-in-hand), I lay on my left side.  Around 2 I got up and took a bath, which was relaxing, and I hoped would put me to sleep (not in the tub, but after I got back in bed).  It didn't.  I was keeping track of my contractions, and the last one I wrote down was at 3:30, so sometime after that I guess I fell asleep. 

I felt better, but tired, in the morning.  We had my friend Shoshana and her boyfriend Jordan over for breakfast, and then watched "The Hurt Locker" in advance of the Oscars.  I had contractions off-and-on during the day.  It seems that they increase at night, not from 6-10 pm like my OB had said to expect, but more from 9-midnight or 1.  Maybe my contractions are on California time?  The past two nights my uterus has felt very tired and irritable, it feels sore almost all the time, and almost any movement or pressure seems like it will set off a contraction.  It doesn't help that around 10 or 11pm the babies seem their most active, and so I feel all beat up and bruised inside.  I complained to Eric about it last night, about how the babies won't let me sleep, and of course he pointed out that once they are born, they'll be keeping me up then, too.  Right. I forgot about that.  At least they won't be kicking my uterus after they're born, though.

So I haven't posted because I have been lying around feeling anxious about pre-term labor and uncomfortable with contractions.  I called the nurse at my OB's office and told her I'd been having increased contractions and she said that they aren't frequent enough to change my cervix.  In the back of my head, I still worry that I am about to go into labor any minute and so any increase in contractions could be the start of labor.  But it's now been a few days, and as far as I can tell, I'm not in labor.  I have gone online to look at other people's stories of babies and twins born around this point, and it seems like babies born around 34 weeks are generally healthy and spend about 2 weeks in the NICU before coming home.  So I tell myself this is not a bad outcome, especially given how fearful I was earlier in my pregnancy.  That and the fact that apparently the nurse and OB don't seem to think I'm going into labor.  I need to trust their expertise!  The nurse said 36 weeks is when they will just let labor progress should it start, so 2 weeks and 2 days from now.

For the most part, I feel like I just want the days to pass by so I can reach my next goal.  I am trying to enjoy the freedoms I've been given, and the little changes that are taking place.  The past few days have been warmer and sunny, and it is feeling more and more like spring.  I am so glad that my release from bedrest coincides with daylight savings time; as spring is here I am eagerly anticipating the birth of my sons and the beginning of a new stage of our lives. 

33w2d: Good news about my dad

Yesterday we found out, after many many months of waiting, that my dad will have a continued position at his work!  The company where he had worked since 1997 was purchased by another company about a year ago, and so we have been waiting since to find out whether he will be employed for the long-term.  This has dragged on FOREVER.  Over the summer he had to skip our trip to California, work through our trip to Cape Cod, and then he missed going to Asia with my mom because the thought they would make decisions the end of January.  Well, finally the decision has been made, and my dad has a job.  What a relief!  We celebrated last night with some champagne and cheesecake (Dad's favorite dessert, which Mom doesn't love and only makes as a treat for him).

I also had my non-stress test yesterday.  It was another quick visit, the babies did their thing and the monitor showed no contractions, and next thing you know, I was on my way home.  I didn't even see a doctor!  Back again on Thursday at 34 weeks, where I am hopeful about getting permission to resume "normal" activity.  I say "normal" because my movements and energy are so limited now.  It just means I can prepare all 3 of my meals in a day, go up and down the stairs, walk around the block as the weather warms up, and finish getting the nursery together (if our cribs and dresser ever arrive, don't even get me started on that).

The weather is finally starting to warm up here.  Today my mom stopped by and made me walk.  I didn't want to go up and down any hills, so we just walked up and down my street.  I did my street 4 times (2 times to the end of the block and back).  My legs feel fine and strong enough, but my belly feels so heavy.  I also made my own breakfast this morning, and plan to make a simple dessert for tonight-- our neighbors are coming over for dinner.  These little spurts of activity feel so good!  Of course, I then begin to panic that I'm about to go into labor.  I hope that next week when my restrictions are lifted that I will be able to do what I want to do and just enjoy it for what it is.

Last night I talked to my grandmother briefly on the phone.  I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving (I was 19 weeks at the time).  We were on the phone and I mentioned this blog and she went on the internet to see it while we were on the phone.  I knew she had found the blog when she began laughing hysterically... she had seen the picture of me from Thursday and thinks I'm huge!  She said my belly looks like a basketball.  Yes, everyone, I am huge.  But I should be!  I have two babies in there, and I'm 33 weeks.  The bigger the better, I want these boys nice and plump before their arrival. 

All is well here, and as each day goes by, I become more optimistic that they will continue to go well.  Last night as we went to bed, Eric had a moment of panic as he realized our 36-week goal is a mere 3 weeks away.  We take turns panicking over this, but the boys are on their way, like it or not.  Hard to believe that we will likely have our sons within the next month.  I am excited, and frightened, and thrilled.

33 weeks

How far along?  33 weeks
Total weight gain/loss?  I had gained another 4 lbs last week at 32 weeks.  I assume I have gained more since then.  I am not eating more than at any other point in my pregnancy, but I am growing everyday!  No more comments on how much I have gained, because I am going to weigh as much as Eric, and that is just a scary milestone to reach (and pass).
Maternity clothes?  You bet!  I have outgrown a few pairs of maternity pants I bought.  I still fit into them, but any pressure from a waistband anywhere on my stomach makes me contract, so I can only wear things that are loose, and those things are few and far between.
Stretch marks? Still stretch mark free. 
Sleep?  This depends on the night.  Some nights I am exhausted and sleep very well, except for having to get up to pee.  Some other nights I have trouble falling asleep, and then wake up about an hour later to pee feeling like it should be morning already.  I am just glad I get some good nights in there.  I am also SO hot at night.  The other night I was in only a tank top, with all the quilt pushed off me, and the heat in our house was set at 60.  And I was sweating.
Best moment last week? My shower.  It just went by way too fast!
Movement?  Lots of movement, fortunately.  My right side gets sore because both of their feet are over there, so I get lots of kicks.  I love feeling them move and I know I am really going to miss it after they're born.
Food cravings? Nothing in particular, I am trying to eat a well-rounded diet with lots of fruits and vegetables and good proteins.  But, being me, I still have a little dessert everyday. 
Gender? Two boys!
Labor signs? Just my Braxton-Hicks.  I feel pressure when I am standing up, but I guess that is inevitable with gravity acting on a giant belly.
Belly button in/out? It is still in.  It is very flattened out now and it should pop soon, if it's going to.
What I miss: Being able to bend over.  My mom had to come cut my toe nails the other day.  Pulling on a pair of pants is an aerobic exercise.  And other people have to tie my shoes, so I am wearing mainly slip-ons.  I can't wait to bend over like I used to!
What I am looking forward to: Really I am looking forward to 1 week from today, when all my restrictions will be lifted.  That will feel like a major accomplishment!  In non-pregnancy excitement, The Real Housewives of New York City comes back on tonight and I absolutely can't wait.  I love, love, love the drama.
Milestones: I spent a week doing activity everyday, and I am still pregnant.  I am still scared everyday that it will be too much, but so far no labor.  I am starting to feel more "normal" as these things go.


Today I went by my fertility doctor's office to drop off a box of unused needles and syringes, they were the end of my box of IVF medications and I wanted to donate them in case someone without insurance needed them.  Village Fertility was incredibly generous with needles!  The doctor's office asks that pregnant women or women showing off their babies come in the afternoons when there are fewer patients, which I understand and am happy to do.  Anyway, it was an exciting moment for me, to waddle through the door fat and pregnant after all the times I went in there nervous and disappointed.  Everyone was very sweet, and my favorite nurse was there.  She gave me a big hug and told me how great I look, and took me back to see my doctor, who had a free moment (miracle of miracles!).  He seemed really happy to see me, and said I'm "all belly."  I can see the areas where I've softened up, but yes, the belly surpasses all else!  I was happy to see them again, I have to say that I formed an attachment to the staff there, they are really wonderful and sweet and always seemed invested in my cycles and the outcomes.


Then I went to the library to re-stock on chick lit, and then my mom and I went to have a cup of coffee and to look at a cookbook together.  Again, someone in each place asked if I was due in the very near future.  I know some people get annoyed by questions like that, but I love it.  I get to tell people I'm having twins, and share some of my excitement.  I am just so happy to be pregnant and out in public.  


Tomorrow is my weekly non-stress test.  I am hopeful that it will be uneventful.  As far as I know, I am not regularly contracting, so that should continue.  This weekend we have a couple of visits from friends, and I am going to try to squeeze in some Oscar-nominated movies, which I have not been so good at doing.  And the weather is warming up, so even though there is still plenty of snow on the ground, it gives me some hope that spring is on its way.

32w6d: Our Indian Feast

Tonight we had Eric's boss and his wife for dinner.  This is the first time we've had his boss over, and the last I saw them, they took us out for a really fancy dinner before the holidays (and before I was on bedrest) and we had said, "We'd love to have you over!" Less than 2 weeks later I was on bedrest and Eric was just trying to keep the house running.  Now that we have our bedrest routine down, and I am allowed up for periods of time, we decided to have them over, fast, before the babies get here.

I helped Eric as best I could with food prep.  Usually I am the boss in the kitchen and he helps me, but now we are the other way around.  I found being on my feet for the 40 minutes I was helping to be really exhausting.  I kept pausing and leaning against the counter.  I got hot and was working in a tank top, guzzling ice water.  I felt like I had to pee every 5 minutes.  But I did it!  I hope I was helpful, but the credit for this amazing food goes to my amazing husband.  Every one of these dishes were made here, no store-bought food!  Here are some pictures of the finished products:

Chicken Tikka Masala:

Saag Paneer:

Potato-Chickpea Masala:

The only slightly decimated feast:

And the wine we had before dinner (I had a little, yes.  But everyone else took one for the team and finished the bottle before we even sat down).  This is from a winery we absolutely love out in Sonoma.  Every time we go, we stop in for a tasting.  So good, and so reasonably priced:

We will be having leftovers for days!  But the food was good, the company was enjoyable, and I would say that overall, it was a great success.  I think I'll be seeing them next at the bris.  How scary is that?

32w5d: Pieces of news

Things have been pretty quiet here since the shower.  Cass stayed until today and kept me company.  On Monday we went to a shopping area nearby and I tried to get some exercise.  I walked up and down one street, stopping in a few stores, and I was exhausted!  After going one way, we went into Williams-Sonoma and I threw myself into a chair (a display chair? Who cares, I didn't break it).  An employee came and asked if I was ok or if I needed any water.  I said I was fine and just needed to rest.  She came by again and asked when I was due.  "Any day now?"  I told her it was twins, which people seem to take as a good explanation for why I am so large.  The employee was 29 weeks pregnant and had a very cute little bump.  Today Cass and I went to a bridal consignment store nearby and Cass found a beautiful wedding dress for her wedding in October.  It's a very romantic dress, a trumpet silhouette with lace and a train.  Cass looked beautiful.  I was glad to be a part of her wedding planning since we live in different states, and I thought between bedrest and the babies on the way, I would not get to be involved.

I am certainly enjoying being out, and it does make the days pass more quickly.  Unfortunately, in the back of my mind, I am still afraid something will go wrong, and my activity will put me in labor.  Every time I go out or am walking, I feel like I am extra-sensitive to any feelings of pressure.  Strangely, I almost never contract when I am out and about!  I think that I have spent so long being worried that I will go into pre-term labor, it is hard to accept that I might be somewhat stable and that doing previously-forbidden activities might be safe. 

At other moments I think, "Oh my goodness, I am going to be 33 weeks on Thursday!" and am so surprised and excited at how far I've come.  If I make my goal of 36 weeks, that means 3 weeks from Thursday (not that my uterus will get the message to go into labor exactly when I want it to).  That is really not much time.  At these moments I feel relieved and excited.

I get tired out from my activities.  My stamina is nowhere near what it was!  I am glad there is not much time left in the pregnancy because I am quite large and not entirely comfortable when I am up and about.  In 1 week and 2 days, I will be able to do whatever I want, that's hard to fathom, but I expect that I will be really tired when that happens!

In news, I returned Max and Ian to their rightful parents.  I miss their little faces and all their snuggles!  But I think Eric and I are both sleeping better at night without them fighting on the bed, or crawling under the duvet to nibble at us.  Since they left, Peanut has become very affectionate, as you can see in today's picture.  He likes to sleep on my belly while I'm on my side (which I usually am if I'm home).  Unfortunately this makes me very hot, and also gives me contractions.  So it is a constant battle where I push or lift him off and he climbs right back on.  I want to give him love and affection, especially in this time we have before the babies arrive, but I really don't think it's a good idea for me to just sit and contract for the sake of a cat's feelings.

Other (good) news is that a friend just got results from her first IVF-- she is pregnant!  I am very excited, we'll have a month of overlap in our pregnancies but my boys have another playmate on the way!  I am always happy when friends' infertility is resolved.  It is still early in the pregnancy and not yet time to buy the onesies, but I am hopeful for her and glad that she is feeling good.

Oh, there is another shower gift that is cute-- my aunt Jane got us two stuffed animals, a rabbit and a lamb.  Which is perfect, because my special animal as a baby/kid/young adult (yes, into puberty) was a stuffed lamb I called Lambie, and Eric's special animal was a stuffed rabbit named Runny Babbit.  I guess history repeats itself!