33w5d

Today's picture is of me when I was 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  I did not yet know I was pregnant (but I was drinking water, don't worry); we were at my cousin's wedding in Sonoma, and I was very worried, first of all because Trouble was missing back in Pennsylvania, and then because I wanted to be pregnant and still had to wait another 2 days to find out.  I am with my cousin Kyle and his mom Jennifer.  They live in Berkeley and are a lot of fun to be around.  I remember at the time already feeling bloated, and as if my breasts had gone up a size (they had).  But see how I had a waist? 

I have not written in a while for a few reasons.  One was that I was "busy," as modified bedrest goes.  On Saturday my mom came over and took me out for a walk.  We went up my street and back, twice.  Then I got back in bed!  It was tiring but not exhausting.  For lunch, my friend Dan came over and brought us some delicious food from a place in town called Garces Trading Company (Jose Garces is the newest Iron Chef and knows his way around food), and everything we had was very good.  Then on Saturday night we had our neighbors over, and I made turkey chili.  All by myself!  It was the first full dish I had made since getting put on bedrest.  I have apparently not lost all my skills in the kitchen, because it was delicious.

Saturday night as we were getting ready for bed I thought, "I feel really good!"  We got in bed and around midnight, contractions started.  Not regular, and not frequent enough to warrant a call to the OB, but enough to keep me up with gradually increasing anxiety.  I tried everything you are supposed to do to slow contractions: I drank lots of water, I peed a lot (the two do go hand-in-hand), I lay on my left side.  Around 2 I got up and took a bath, which was relaxing, and I hoped would put me to sleep (not in the tub, but after I got back in bed).  It didn't.  I was keeping track of my contractions, and the last one I wrote down was at 3:30, so sometime after that I guess I fell asleep. 

I felt better, but tired, in the morning.  We had my friend Shoshana and her boyfriend Jordan over for breakfast, and then watched "The Hurt Locker" in advance of the Oscars.  I had contractions off-and-on during the day.  It seems that they increase at night, not from 6-10 pm like my OB had said to expect, but more from 9-midnight or 1.  Maybe my contractions are on California time?  The past two nights my uterus has felt very tired and irritable, it feels sore almost all the time, and almost any movement or pressure seems like it will set off a contraction.  It doesn't help that around 10 or 11pm the babies seem their most active, and so I feel all beat up and bruised inside.  I complained to Eric about it last night, about how the babies won't let me sleep, and of course he pointed out that once they are born, they'll be keeping me up then, too.  Right. I forgot about that.  At least they won't be kicking my uterus after they're born, though.

So I haven't posted because I have been lying around feeling anxious about pre-term labor and uncomfortable with contractions.  I called the nurse at my OB's office and told her I'd been having increased contractions and she said that they aren't frequent enough to change my cervix.  In the back of my head, I still worry that I am about to go into labor any minute and so any increase in contractions could be the start of labor.  But it's now been a few days, and as far as I can tell, I'm not in labor.  I have gone online to look at other people's stories of babies and twins born around this point, and it seems like babies born around 34 weeks are generally healthy and spend about 2 weeks in the NICU before coming home.  So I tell myself this is not a bad outcome, especially given how fearful I was earlier in my pregnancy.  That and the fact that apparently the nurse and OB don't seem to think I'm going into labor.  I need to trust their expertise!  The nurse said 36 weeks is when they will just let labor progress should it start, so 2 weeks and 2 days from now.

For the most part, I feel like I just want the days to pass by so I can reach my next goal.  I am trying to enjoy the freedoms I've been given, and the little changes that are taking place.  The past few days have been warmer and sunny, and it is feeling more and more like spring.  I am so glad that my release from bedrest coincides with daylight savings time; as spring is here I am eagerly anticipating the birth of my sons and the beginning of a new stage of our lives.