Tuesday, December 29, 2009

the good, the bad, and the ugly: 23w5d

The Good:
I have had many wonderful visits, and had people doing me all kinds of favors. I think I'm getting spoiled! On Sunday my friend Alex came over and brought me lunch. We sat and gossiped, which is normal for us, we can gossip for hours. When she arrived, my sister and mom were here and Alex said she had found some great bargains at Banana Republic, so my sister and mom dashed off to spend their money, too. I am totally jealous that I can't be shopping and buying stylish clothes on the cheap, but since I don't know when I'll next fit into my stylish clothes, I see no reason to spend the money. Alex left to run more errands (Christmas returns, mostly). After she left I had a nap, and then my friend Jenny and her husband Chris came over. Jenny and Chris live in Amherst, MA, so it is exciting to see them when they're here; we visited them around Labor Day but goodness knows when we'll next make it back to their place!

Jenny helped me open a registry at Babies R Us, but we were quickly interrupted when my mom, sister, and dad showed up with dinner. Mom and Elana had made Banh Mi from the January Bon Appetit, and they were so good! I had company almost until bedtime, which made the day fly by.

On Monday, a friend from graduate school came to visit. She came with lunch for me, including homemade Christmas cookies, and she can bake! We spent hours catching up and when she left around 4, I needed my nap (yes, my sleep schedule is screwed up).

Today my friend Molly came over in the morning. She came to help me register. Thank you, Molly! We put so many things on the registry, and without her I would have been lost. Registering online is overwhelming (as I assume it would be in the store, too), but since I have no idea what babies actually end up using/needing versus what is a scam for BRU to make money, I needed some pointers. I now have a good start to a registry, I even registered for car seats and a Double Snap n Go. I cannot wait to have my two little ones (ok, I mean, I can wait for them to be fully baked!) in that stroller and go out for walks.

Right after Molly left, my mom showed up and she took my shopping list and went out to run errands for me. She went to the library and got me 5 trashy novels, to Trader Joe's, and to Genuardi's to buy groceries for us and for New Year's Eve, when we are making dinner for 8.

So, I have had numerous visitors and favors and gifts of food, and I am so thankful for all of it. It makes the days fly by, which is good, because tomorrow is a big day! Growth scan and first steroid shot. My first goal, only about 15 hours away. Also, I got permission to go to my aunt and uncle's house for dinner tonight-- my first time out of this house since December 18th! I can't wait.

The Bad:
I have off-and-on pangs of sadness and feelings of loss for all the things I won't get with this pregnancy. I am sad not to just be able to take simple pleasure in feeling my boys kick or watching my belly grow, and I am sad that I have to register at home, rather than get to wander the store and ooh and ahh over all the tiny baby stuff. I also wish I had the opportunity to go out and show off my big belly. I know some women complain about strangers saying annoying things, or touching their belly without asking, but I would give anything for that, since it would mean that I got to be out of the house! I want to be out and have people ask when I'm due, and give me undesired advice, or share their scary and disgusting labor stories. I wouldn't care, because it would mean I got to share my pregnancy with other people.

The Ugly:
I feel like my belly is growing like crazy. I don't weigh myself, and especially now that I can't even get little bits of exercise, I can't worry about weight gain. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't recognize what I see! Between my belly and my breasts, all I can see is my head on someone else's body. Sometimes I look at myself from behind just to see something familiar. I am glad that my belly is growing, since that hopefully means the boys are also growing. I am still comfortable, probably because I get to spend the whole day in positions that are comfortable to me. But I have to say, between my changing body and the fact that I live in loungewear because I'm housebound, I don't feel like the sexy young thing I often do.

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