6 month well visit

This is a quick update on our visit to the pediatrician.  Both boys continue to be the picture of health!  They didn't get to show off all their skills, but the doctor said they look great.  Here are their stats:
Asher:
26 1/2 inches long
16 lbs, 7 oz
Benjamin:
25 1/2 inches long
16 lbs, 6 oz
I forgot their head circumferences, but Asher's was on the small side, but my impression is that stuff changes quickly and is a matter of millimeters.  The doctor didn't say anything about his head being small, I just noticed it on the chart.  But she said they are growing very well, and that we should expect that they can sleep through the night now.  She said Ferber is fine to follow. 

I am hating that we're letting them cry a little... and really it is only Benjamin because he is the one who wakes up more often, and who cries more.  Last night he cried for a while (I am not even sure how long, but Eric says 20 minutes or so) and I had a nightmare that he had been crying because he was sick and we had ignored him.  He got so sick the next day (in my dream) that he died!  I woke up completely upset and sent Eric in to check on him.  Of course he was fine, and when he woke up in the morning he was perfectly happy and cheerful.  Ugh.  I can't stand listening to them cry, and if I see them, it's even worse, so I make Eric go in to comfort them at night.  I just tell myself that it will be worth it if they get to sleeping through the night, and taking good naps, and are rested and cheerful.

We'll go back next week for flu shots for them, and Eric, my mom, my dad, and I all need to go get flu shots ourselves.  I really hope we can go a long time without anyone getting sick!

Overall, we continue to be very lucky by having two healthy, happy baby boys!

Happy Half-Birthday, Benjamin and Asher!

Today marked half a year of having my angels in my life.  On one hand, it has flown by and it seems like just yesterday that I was in the hospital, holding my boys for the first time.  On the other hand, I don't remember what it was like to sleep through the night, or not lactate, or not get spit up on, and all of these things (and many wonderful things!) have become such a part of my life that I think I have been doing them forever.

Today we celebrated with half-birthday cakes:

To clarify, one cake says ".5" and the other says "1/2."  And yes, this was just an excuse for me to make, and eat, cake.  But my mom encouraged their tasting the cake crumbs:

Asher was not enthusiastic, and Benjamin was.  Benjamin appears to enjoy all food-- he has not yet disliked anything we've given him.  Tonight they got carrots for the first time, and Ben gobbled them up! (Just like he does with oatmeal, peas, squash, and prunes.)  I was waiting to see what they like before I cook them a big batch of it, but it appears that no matter what I make, Ben will eat it.  Of course I will keep trying everything with Asher, but I may have a picky eater on my hands.

We are continuing to work on sleep, and Benjamin has gone from 7 pm to 7 am without eating for two nights in a row.  This does not mean that he slept all night, but hopefully wake-ups will also wane.  Right now naps are a problem, but Eric and I are determined to have them nap because the alternative is just too painful.

Tomorrow is our 6-month appointment at the pediatrician, and I can't wait to find out how big our boys are!  Here's to six months of some of the most difficult times of our lives, but also the most rewarding.  I am lucky to have these two beautiful, healthy, perfect boys as my children.

Two things I learned today:

1) Asher is not very good at swallowing solids.
2) Asher has a very sensitive gag reflex.

We were out at our favorite coffee place, Town Hall Coffee (www.townhallcoffee.com), and my mom gave both Asher and Benjamin a chunk of brioche to gum.  Asher managed to gum it just fine, but once it was in his mouth, he had no idea what to do with it.  He began gagging/choking on it, and I leaned him forward and started smacking his back... which brought up a little spit up, followed by a flood of baby vomit.  All over the sidewalk (thank goodness we were outside and not inside on their nice, clean floor!). EW.

No more solids for Asher for the time being.

my loves

I just wanted to post some pictures.  There is not too much new here, other than that we have read some Ferber and are trying to get some more sleep.  I HATE HATE HATE listening to the babies cry, but so far, only Benjamin has cried, and he has always settled down within 15 minutes.  But yesterday I went out and left the boys with a family friend, and they never went down for a long afternoon nap... so yesterday evening was a fiasco!  Asher had his first temper tantrum; he lay face down in a stuffed animal and kicked his legs on the floor!  There was no clear cause for the tantrum, but it broke my heart to see it.  So, we have to force nap times a little more, even if they are with a sitter.

But here is what the boys have been up to:
Benjamin wants to stand up all the time:

Here he is standing while supporting himself with the play mat.  I could not believe it!  He can't pull himself up from sitting, but will continue to stand if we pull him up.  And half the time we try to sit him down, he straightens his legs so that he won't sit and he has to stand.

And here is Asher eating the back pages of my Glamour magazine.  He ate the "Dos and Don'ts" before I got a chance to read them, so if I am a fashion don't, now we all know why!  He puts everything in his mouth, but he seems to not really enjoy actual food.

This week we tried feeding Asher squash and peas-- the peas were a definite no-go.  If I can figure out ow to post video, I will put up some video of him hating them.  Benjamin loves everything, he is definitely his mommy's son!

Body Image

This is not a post about the boys (who are still doing wonderfully; tonight Benjamin got to try prune puree mixed in his oatmeal since he is a little constipated, and Asher ate squash puree and they both loved it!), but about their mommy.

As a woman, I have struggled with my body image my entire adult life.  My weight has fluctuated since puberty, never to any extreme, but at my thinnest (the 6 months prior to my wedding in 2006) I was a size 2, and at my heaviest (post-college in 2002) I was a size 10.  Pre-pregnancy, I had pretty much settled in the size 2-4-6 range, depending on garment and store.  And this was never good enough for me.  Ever since our wedding, I have wanted to be the exact same size and shape.  If I had never gotten that thin, it wouldn't have mattered, but once I saw I could be that size, and saw how I looked, that was all I wanted.  Buying clothes in a size 4 was a failure, it meant I was fat.  I constantly wanted to lose those 5 pounds that were between me and my wedding weight, and as long as those 5 pounds were on me, I was fat.  I spent countless hours discussing how fat I was with my therapist.  And I did gain weight with fertility treatments, although I was able to lose that weight before starting IVF.

And then I got pregnant.  And I watched my waist disappear.  I looked back at those "fat" pictures of myself in my size 4 clothing and thought, "hmm, that lady doesn't look so bad!" I watched the numbers on the scale go up, and when I saw that I had gained 40 pounds, I stopped looking.

Now, almost six months later (oh my goodness, I can't believe they'll really be 6 months old on Sunday!), I can fit into all my old pants and skirts.  Shirts are obviously a different story, since I am breastfeeding, but it is great to fit into my old pants.  Even though my stomach is not as toned as it used to be, I feel better about my body than I did pre-pregnancy.  Maybe it is just knowing that I carried my boys to 36 weeks, which is pretty incredible, or maybe it is that at one point I was so much bigger that pretty much anything else feels small.

Needless to say, I went shopping today and bought myself a pair of "skinny" jeans.  I have been avoiding these since they first became popular since my legs are the least-skinny part of me, but I've seen so many pictures in magazines of people in them with bigger tops, that I decided it was worth a try.  We'll see, but the fact is that I would never have done this pre-pregnancy, because I would not have had the confidence to try something new, especially not something with the word "skinny" in the title. I may not be as skinny as I was back in 2006, but what I have now is good enough for me.

I'm enjoying these new positive feelings about my body, and I can't wait to start enjoying my new, skinny clothes!

So much fun!

The boys are at a stage right now where they are so much fun.  They are both smiling and laughing, and playing with toys... and finally starting to notice each other!  They are also so easy-going, especially if they are napping well, and so we can do so much more together (as long as it does not interfere with naps!).

Today they had a nice afternoon nap, and after their nap we had play time on the floor.  Here is Benjamin, who has learned to sit up on his own, watching Ina Garten roast red peppers.  He LOVES the color red, so he is so happy to watch all the big close-ups of those bright red peppers.

Then the boys were playing with toys, and there was a fight over the red ones!  Here is a picture of Benjamin stealing the red plastic plane from Asher, who was not pleased:

We were all laughing at them, and laughing with them.  When I hear their giggles, I laugh, too, because it is so adorable.

And I look at these babies, and I think that they just get sweeter everyday.  As Eric noticed, they are not getting less cute with time!  They are so beautiful that I cannot believe they came from me, and that I am so lucky to have these angels as my babies.

Breastfeeding (again)

Breastfeeding has been on my mind again, as I am nearing my original goal of six months.  Things have gotten so much easier with breastfeeding, and now our end date has been pushed back-- I'm hoping to go to 12 months!

There are so many things I love about breastfeeding now.  I love that I can go out with my boys and not worry about bottles, and how much milk, and whether it will all stay cold enough...  And I don't have to think about formula, either.  I also love that I have been able to eat whatever I want and still lose the baby weight.  It was a great summer, eating ice cream everyday.

It has also been wonderful to have those moments with my babies.  At night, Eric brings them into bed with us and I nurse them there and we both fall asleep.  They do the cutest things, like swing their top leg up on to my waist, and wrap their fingers around my shirt or bra.  And they make the cutest happy noises while they nurse.  It is just such a peaceful time for me, and for them.  I can see how people end up breastfeeding forever, although I do think our limit is one year.

I am looking forward to getting my body back to myself, to getting to be away from my babies for more than 3 hours without needing to pump, to being able to talk about my babies when I am away from them without my milk letting down.  Oh, and wearing non-nursing bras that are actually both supportive AND flattering.

And, because no post is complete without pictures, here is one of Benjamin in a cute outfit his memere got him:

 Here is a video of Asher working on his crawling skills:

And here is why I am going to put the bumpers on the boys' cribs:

Happy New Year!

Today is the first day of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year.  Last night we celebrated with a BIG dinner at my parents' house with family and friends, and tonight we will overeat once again at my aunt Jane and uncle Ed's house.  Last night we got the boys down for bed before dinner, so Eric and I were able to eat dinner at a leisurely pace with the rest of the family and participate in conversation in a way we don't get to when the babies are on our laps, which we both enjoyed. 

Then today we went to synagogue, and it was the boys' first time there.  We dressed them up in these little man outfits that Eric's aunt and uncle in Germany had sent us:

They got a lot of attention for being twins and for being absolutely adorable.  They were also perfectly behaved (not that we have expectations for obedience at this age, but it is nice when their being quiet coincides with our being in public).  They ate before we went, then sat on our laps during the service.  There was a blessing over new beginnings, and so we went up on the bimah for them to receive that blessing.  It still seems so unreal that last year at High Holidays I was about 2 months pregnant, worried sick about my pregnancy sticking and being successful, and this year I am celebrating with two healthy and beautiful boys.  I feel so lucky; the only word that fits for a day like this: blessed.