25w2d: a pregnancy questionnaire

I have seen these pregnancy questionnaires on other women's blogs and so I thought I would do one for my own to keep track of progress.  From here on, I am going to do them on Fridays, I think.

How far along?  25 weeks, 2 days
Total weight gain/loss?  I have asked them not to tell me, but at my appointment on Thursday the nurse said I hadn't gained anything in the past week.
Maternity clothes?  Yes, but I still wear non-maternity yoga pants and some longer sweaters.
Stretch marks? None, thank goodness.  I put on my stretch mark cream everyday.
Sleep?  My sleep schedule is pretty lousy.  The past two nights I've had trouble falling asleep, and then I nap during the day, which I think makes me more awake at night.  Prior to that I had a few nights of decent sleep and no napping.  Lying around all day is not good for my sleep schedule!
Best moment last week? Seeing Baby A suck his thumb on ultrasound.
Movement?  I feel the babies a lot now, and sometimes I don't even pay attention.  Then later in the day I think, "Oh my gosh, have I felt them today?!?!"  Both Eric and my mom have felt them kick from the outside.
Food cravings?  I did want chocolate ice cream.  For a little I wanted a chef salad with ranch dressing, and never had it, and now the craving has pretty much passed.  I am very suggestible and find myself wanting the food on TV, even if I would never eat in real life (like Wendy's chicken nuggets).
Gender? Two boys!
Labor signs? None, just my usual Braxton-Hicks.
Belly button in/out? In.  Not even totally flattened out, although it is definitely getting more shallow.
What I miss: Being useful.  I want to cook and clean and be up and about.
What I am looking forward to: My Thursday OB appointment, getting Max and Ian back on Wednesday to cuddle with me.
Milestones: None this week.  I have set time goals for the pregnancy, but the next big one is my 28 week growth scan, and that's still a little way away.

I have also included a picture of my sweet Peanut Butter, who has been keeping me company today.  I also want to say thank you to all the people who have been thinking of me this week, like my aunt Jane who brought me frozen yogurt, and my friend Alissa's mom (Barbara, who is herself the mother of twins!) who sent me a book on getting babies to sleep through the night.  And of course my mom, who is constantly bringing me food and books and keeping me company.

25w: Doctor Update

I had my cervix checked again today. I get to go once a week from now on, which is nice. It gets me out of the house, and it is reassuring. And it is a nice marker as I move from week to week. So, today I am 25 weeks, and my cervix is stable. Short, but stable. I got to see my original OB, who I hadn't had an appointment with since I was 18 weeks, and I was very reassured by him and his bedside manner. He said that as long as I am stable, this bedrest can go on until I'm full term. I say, bring it on! It is amazing how a doctor's bedside manner can really affect my mood. After seeing the other OB last week I left feeling very down and not hopeful, and this week, although there is no change, I feel very hopeful and optimistic. I guess every week of no change is good!

The boys look great, so that is always nice to see. What I thought were Baby A's feet are actually Baby B's, so that's good, too. I had thought I was only feeling A because the majority of movement is on my right, but it turns out that B's feet are hanging out over there. Their heart rates are perfect. When the OB went to show me Baby A's face, he was sucking his thumb! Just like his mommy. Great. Eric and I are starting the Whitten Twins' Orthodontic Fund tomorrow, donations are welcome. B was looking right out at us. I love them more every day, and it just reminds me that even though bedrest stinks some days, I am doing it for two beautiful reasons. I am so excited to meet my sons, but not so excited that I can't wait another 10-11 weeks to do it!

Last night I had a bit of a bedrest breakdown... Eric got very busy with work and we hadn't had dinner yet. We were just going to have leftovers anyway, but I was waiting on him. I was getting more hungry, but ok. He was about to get involved in more work and I asked if he could help me with dinner first. He came up to help, and then I was indecisive (that's the problem with leftovers, they get to be boring old news fast), and he snapped at me. I burst into tears because I was just so frustrated, why can't I make my own dinner? It is extremely hard for me to be completely dependent on him, and I am sure hard for him to be responsible for me. We have a very equal marriage outside of bedrest, and so a lot of the jobs that I have always done are now his. He hasn't complained, but it is obvious that bedrest is wearing on both of us.

We also had some good news today. A friend of ours, who I won't name because she is keeping this quiet for a little, received a marriage proposal and accepted! Everything is in the early stages, but we are happy for her. Now, we need to meet her fiance so that we can pass judgment and be sure she's marrying someone who deserves her. She also asked if I would be in her bridal party (a bridesmatron?), which I happily accepted. I hope that I can help with a shower and all that fun stuff, too.

In the background of this week's belly picture, you can see a framed print on its side. This painting is a gift from my mom's parents and has hung in their house my entire life. They recently moved to an apartment and weren't able to take all their things with them. I have wanted this print ever since I was very young; I remember looking at it before my sister was even born and thinking someone had painted a picture of me with my parents. So I am thrilled to have it in my own home, and can't look at it without thinking of my grandparents and parents. My grandparents' house is the site of many a warm and happy memory. Now that I think about it, Eric and I had our first kiss on the couch across from this picture! So it is nice to sit and gestate on the couch across from it now.

A bit of perspective

I spend a great deal of time on online message boards. When we were trying to get pregnant, I went on a board called "Infertility," which I still visit, but I now also visit a board called, "Success after Infertility." Over time, you get pretty familiar with the other ladies on there even though you don't know them "in real life." One young woman is from my area and did her IVF with Dr. Glassner just as I did. After a long year of saving to afford IVF, she had her first IVF in October/November and found out she was pregnant just before Thanksgiving. Today she went in for her last appointment with Dr. Glassner to find her baby's heart had stopped beating. I am devastated for her and her husband, and can't imagine the shock and pain they must be in. It's times like these that you see how unfair the world can be.

It also makes me realize how lucky we have been. We were lucky to have our IVF covered in full by our insurance, lucky it worked, and lucky to have made it this far with two healthy babies. Here's hoping our luck holds out.

And I am hoping that the woman from the message board and her husband are able to get pregnant again and carry the pregnancy to term. I'll be thinking of her.

24w6d: The men in my life

The boys I'm carrying will be just two more boys in my life. Other than my loving and handsome husband, I have two male cats: Peanut and Trouble. I may be a proud mom, but I truly believe that my cats are the two best-looking cats on the planet. I am not sure how to get an agent for cats, but if I could, I would get Trouble into modeling because there isn't a more handsome cat anywhere. Trouble is also very sweet, and had an interview to be a therapy pet. Therapy pets visit residential facilities, like nursing homes, and help cheer people up. Trouble passed his interview, but he didn't handle the ride there or back very well. On the way there he vomited, and on the way home he pooped on the floor mat. In between he foamed at the mouth and got kitty spittle all over the car's interior. It was recommended that he spend some more time in the car and get used to it before he continue on with any therapy duties. Shortly after his interview, I found out I was pregnant, so I haven't pursued any trips with him in the car... I just don't need the extra stress.



And, recently, my parents adopted two male cats of their own: Max and Ian. We found these little kitties in Sonoma County, and at the time we found them they each weighed about 2 pounds and were quite scraggly! Over the months they have managed to put on weight and become quite adorable. These are two of the sweetest cats in the world, and they love to snuggle, with each other and with other people. While my parents are out of town, we have babysat them here. And when that happens, I am one woman in a house with a husband, 4 male cats, and 2 unborn male babies!

I also have to be honest-- the real purpose of this post was just to put up pictures of cats. Expect a lot more of that in the future!

24w5d: TV watching

I am doing a great deal of TV watching these days. There are many shows I love to watch re-runs of that I saw the first time through, like Beverly Hills, 90210 and Friends. Lately I have been watching these shows from a new perspective. On 90210, Andrea (the smart Jewish girl, I just wish she could have been sexier, I mean, why can't they ever have sexy Jewish girls on TV?) gets pregnant her freshman year of college, and ends up marrying the father. Anyway, she goes into pre-term labor around 24 weeks or so, and is put on bedrest. I didn't even remember this plot line from the first time around! Now, of course, I feel Andrea and I are kindred spirits, even beyond our dorky Jewishness. She gets hospitalized, but her water breaks around 27 weeks and she delivers her daughter prematurely. But even 90210 offers a happy ending-- after a summer in the NICU, the baby comes home and is fine.

On Friends, Chandler and Monica try for a while to conceive a baby, with no luck. So off they go to the fertility doctor, where they find that they both have fertility problems. On the show, Chandler and Monica decide against any fertility treatment, and I wonder about this. Is it because there is no real humor in fertility treatment? There is some humor in it... but maybe not for primetime TV. After what I have been through with infertility, I certainly see these shows differently now.

I have also tried watching some new TV. I decided that I am in position to be picky about what I watch, so I recorded Food Network's Worst Cooks in America. This show was TERRIBLE. I don't really know the two chefs who are hosting it, but they are not especially charismatic or interesting or (and I know this should not matter) appealing to look at. I mean, let's face it, Top Chef has Padma Lakshmi hosting for a reason. The premise of the show was that they would take the country's worst cooks and turn them into halfway decent cooks. In the first round, they chose the 12 worst and split them into two teams. They gave the cooks a recipe. They judged the cooks. And then the worst two cooks went home. So, the criteria that got the cooks from Round 1 to Round 2 were completely reversed. Anyway, I have deemed this show too stupid to watch, so no more of that.

I also watched the opening of The Bachelor. I'm a longtime Bachelor/Bachelorette watcher, and my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and friend Shoshana also watch. We often have online "dates" and watch at home but send IMs to each other talking about what's going on. The show is consistently stupid, but I love all the drama and so I keep watching. I am not sure how much I'm going to like this season, because the bachelor himself seems pretty dopey. He's cute, and there were a number of gratuitous shots of him without a shirt on, but I'm not sure what's there for substance. And the vast majority of women on the show this season seem to have jobs that involve the word "model" in them. Next week seems promising-- major drama where one of the lovely young ladies has sex with one of the producers!

That's it for my major TV watching. I am never unhappy with the choice of Law & Order, which is on endlessly all day long.

24w3d: a book review

Since I am home reading many books and watching many movies and TV shows, I thought I would begin reviewing some of what I see and read. Obviously I am not a professional critic, but maybe some of you value my opinion.

I recently read Melissa Banks's novel The Wonder Spot. Melissa Banks wrote a very successful novel, The Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing, which came out when I was in college, and which I enjoyed. I originally bought The Wonder Spot to read on my honeymoon in July of 2006. At this point, I have to say that the book is much better suited to bedrest than it is to a Caribbean honeymoon. The main character in both novels is someone you have a little bit of a hard time pulling for; the women are not successful in life and love, and make frequent social blunders or sometimes do things that are just plain uncomfortable to read about. This might make it easier for the reader to identify with, because everyone has had those mortifying moments we wish we could forget, but which somehow seem to define us and our identities.

The Wonder Spot strays from the typical female-centered novel in that the main character does not have a single conquerable problem that she has fixed by the end of the novel. Rather, you get to see Sophie at various points in her life, and see the ways in which her enduring personality traits affect her at different ages. The author has an ability to pick up on nuances in people's behavior that were familiar to me, and I found myself thinking, "Oh, yes, I know someone just like that!" Her writing is easy to read without making the reader feel as though the author is condescending to them, and there are many poignant moments throughout the book.

I enjoyed reading the book (both in 2006 and 2009), but it is not an uplifting, happy-end tale. It did make my mind churn, to think of some of the defining moments or missed opportunities in my own life. I would definitely recommend this book to others.

****

In other news, there is not much news. Today was quiet. Our neighbors, Tom and Amy, came over for dinner. Amy had kindly made us an entire meal! She made a beef stew from the Williams-Sonoma Comfort Food cookbook, and it was really good! I made a beef stew from Cook's Illustrated a few weeks ago, and I would say Amy's stew was MUCH better. And then she left us the leftovers! So I have a wonderful lunch waiting for me.



Eric also made Nigella Lawson's triple-chocolate cookies. These are soooo good. They come from her "Nigella Express" cookbook. Eric makes the cookies bigger than I do, but they are pretty rich, so what we do is make a batch of dough, and then freeze dough in scooped-out portions. Then we have a bag full of frozen dough and can put cookies in the oven at any minute for hot, chocolatey cookies whenever the need strikes. Eric was excited because for Christmas I had gotten "dishers" from his mom and they got used today. They make all the cookies the same size, which is important to Eric because then everything cooks at the same rate. Anyway, totally delicious and I am very proud of myself that I ate only one cookie and didn't pull the "pregnant lady" card and overindulge.

24w2d: Our New Years

Starting New Years Eve 2003, I have hosted friends for dinner. Over the years, our plans have evolved. In 2003, it was just girls, we made a huge dinner (lobster!) and then went out to a bar for midnight. In 2004, Eric and I had been dating 8 months and my friend Alissa and her now-husband Greg had been dating 9 months, so men were involved. Some years, people haven't been able to make it and we have had dinner with my parents, another year I fell asleep before midnight, but the tradition is: good food, good friends, and no pressure to get drunk or be out driving.

This year we had our core group of ladies: Alissa, Amanda, and me; and our significant others. Greg and Alissa were married in June, and Amanda came with her boyfriend of one year, Brad. For dinner, my friend Shoshana also joined us, along with her boyfriend Jordan. I am usually in charge of the big dinner, but this year I had to just boss from the sidelines. I find being bossy from the sidelines frustrating and unrewarding, so for the most part, I did nothing. Eric and my friends made:
A beef roast with horseradish sauce
Spinach gratin
Mashed yukon gold potatoes
Strawberry-rhubarb crumble
Pretty traditional food, but nice for a winter night. Things were not timed the way I would have liked them if I had been in charge, but I am trying to relax my need to control things!

I woke up in the morning and was again frustrated. The kitchen hadn't been cleaned, and the cheese we snacked on before dinner had been sitting out all night! My fingers itched to get to cleaning, but I am happy to say that I was able to resist. It was really tough, because Eric didn't clean everything up until about 6:30 pm, and I was downstairs on the couch just staring at the mess. But I am going to consider it a triumph on my part that I didn't do anything.

I did not make any resolutions (I mean, really, why should I? I am perfect as I am, ha!), but I do have some hopes for this year:

1) I would like to be pregnant for at least two months of this year. If I make it to March, that is 32 weeks pregnant, and we would be out of any real danger. At this point, 8 weeks seems like it could be an eternity, but I am already 3 weeks into this and doing fine, so I am hopeful I can do it. Now, cervix, please cooperate!

2) I hope that my boys will be healthy, no matter when they arrive.

3) Once my boys are here, I want to become active again and get back into shape. This shouldn't be hard, since I have always been active before and am dying to get back to it!

4) I want to be a good mom to my boys, whatever that means. I know I will love them to pieces, but I hope I can give them all they need, and I want them to have happy lives from the very beginning. They certainly are lucky to be coming to a family so full of love and affection, so this should be easily accomplished.

I would not say that 2010 is off to a smashing start, mostly more crappy TV and time on the internet, but I am positive the year won't go out the way it is starting!