Both boys seemed happy to go into the building. Benjamin remembered that it was where he had played with trains on Friday- he called it "choo choo house," so he was pretty excited to be going back. The teacher had sent an email on Sunday night asking us not to linger at drop-off, so I prepared myself to kiss them goodbye and run.
Benjamin went right to the trains and cars and trucks and started to play. He didn't seem to mind one bit when I kissed him and said goodbye.
Asher went to start coloring, but then picked up on the fact that something was fishy, and that I might be on my way out. He kept leaping up to take my hand whenever I tried to move away. In the end, I picked him up and handed him to the teacher, and then made a run for it without looking back. I don't know if he cried, but by the time I hit the door to the building, I was sobbing.
I cried for about half an hour- would they think I abandoned them? Would the other kids be nice to them? I feel like when they are at home, they are protected. I get to choose who they interact with and how they are treated, but at school, I can't keep watch. I have been reminding myself that it's all part of life- even if they didn't go to school now, they would go some day. At least now they are flexible and adaptable and school is nothing but fun.
Last night I was not able to make it home from work before they were asleep, but Eric and my mom said the boys were in good moods, and very hungry. But their diapers were clean and dry (not always the case with sitters we've had) and they had lots of energy.
They had a good night's sleep, and then when they got up, I started talking about them going to school again. No one cried. No one seemed particularly clingy with me, which made me feel as though their experience had not been completely traumatic. This morning went smoothly, and Asher marched right into school and up the steps to his classroom, all by himself. I offered him my hand and he didn't want it. Benjamin went right to the train table to play with the trains again, and didn't bat an eye when I kissed him goodbye. But when I told Asher goodbye, he started to cry. Fortunately for me, I didn't break down and cry, too, because I knew he had been so happy to go into the building. If the first day of school had been a disaster for him, he would not have wanted to go back! So again I handed him off to the teacher, gave him one last kiss, and left.
Both Eric and I feel strange in our very quiet house. This morning I showered after the boys were in school, and I was able to just take my time. I washed my hair AND shaved my legs without wondering whether all our furniture would be in 1 piece when I got out. I can live with that!
Tonight I came home early from work- I had many cancellations, but it meant I got to see my sweet things before they went to bed. While they both grinned when I came up the walk, neither one was clingy or overly attached to me. So, from what I can surmise, school is successful so far. I just hope all the other kids are nice to them- and that they are nice to their classmates!
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