28w4d

Today's gratuitous pet picture is of Peanut.  Peanut has a lot in the way of looks, but not as much in the way of brains.  When we went to buy a cat, Peanut and Trouble were in the same box together.  I wanted Peanut because he was cute, and Eric wanted Trouble because he was sweet.  It turns out they are both cute and sweet, but Peanut just lacks a little bit of brains.  For example, he is very scared of other people, and will hide under the bed if the doorbell rings.  Every time.  Many people never get to see him in person, so enjoy the picture.

There is no real news to report.  Every day that goes by with no news or change feels great!  I am still pretty comfortable, although I noticed when I looked in the mirror today that my belly seems to be growing.  Fast (for confirmation of this, my aunt just told me "Oh your belly has really popped since I've been here!).  I am kind of starting to feel like a lumpy pregnant lady, but as I have said, as long as those babies are safe and growing, my figure doesn't matter.  I can always do Weight Watchers once this is all over, if necessary.   At this point, I just can't wait to go for a jog, it used to feel like a chore sometimes and now I would give anything to get to use my legs and feel strong and healthy again.

Yesterday was a pretty quiet day.  Eric got home on Saturday night and it was just wonderful to have him home with me!  On Sunday afternoon he got in bed to take a nap, and Max (the gray kitten) crawled under the covers to snuggle up to him, and the two of them went to sleep.  It was so sweet!  My dad went to the new Whole Foods they opened near us, and took my aunt with him, so we were alone in the house.  We spent the afternoon in bed, Eric worked on his laptop and I read my chick lit novel.  Not what we used to do when we spent the weekend in bed!  It was just nice to be with him, it was the most time we'd spent together, awake, in months and months since he has been so busy.  I hope we do it again this coming weekend, now that his work has hopefully slowed down.

Sharon made us a delicious dinner of salmon with yogurt-cucumber sauce, roasted potatoes and asparagus, and pineapple.  My dad says he has been losing weight this past week due to the healthy foods Sharon makes.  My mom is also a pretty healthy cook, so I'm not sure why this is a change for him, but good!

I have been having off-and-on moments of feeling kind of sorry for myself.  I am really sad to hear about other people having their showers and getting organized for their babies.  I hopefully have weeks left in this pregnancy (8, I am hoping for!) and time to get things together, but I want to be celebrating these babies and their upcoming arrival.  I am much less fearful than I was a week or so ago, since everything seems to be going smoothly and we are getting out of the real danger zone and up to the point where if the babies were born, they would be tiny and need NICU time but would have a high likelihood of surviving without long-term difficulties.  I just feel like I have missed out on a lot of the excitement and joy of pregnancy because of the risks and complications, and my anxiety and worry.

I also miss mundane activities of everyday life, like grocery shopping and even cleaning.  Cleaning!  Who would have ever thought that would be on my list of enjoyable activities?  I would also really love to go to Costco and buy food.  Why Costco?  I don't know, but I think it is for the free samples.

One highlight today was that Eric introduced Sharon to "texts from last night" and showed her the ad for the "Shake Weight."  I'm not sure if she was breathing, she was laughing so hard!

28w2d: Pregnancy Stats

How far along?  28 weeks, 2 days
Total weight gain/loss?  As of last week, I had actually gained 3 more pounds.  I feel bigger this week, so maybe I am gaining more.  Last week, I was up 26 pounds total.
Maternity clothes?  Yes, but today I am wearing non-maternity lounge pants and a t-shirt from the non-maternity Gap.
Stretch marks? None yet.  But it feels like the skin on my belly is getting tighter, so maybe soon.
Sleep?  Surprisingly, I have been sleeping pretty well.  Not taking anything to help me fall asleep, and not waking up too much.  Except last night, when I had a nightmare and then had trouble sleeping well the rest of the night.
Best moment last week? Having that extra 1 cm on my cervical length.
Movement?  Still moving in there, but they are not cooperative.  My dad hasn't felt them yet and every time he comes to feel them they stop, only to start right up again when he walks away.
Food cravings? Everything.  I want some of everything, some fries with ketchup, meat, vegetables, fruit, dessert... I don't even eat that much but if someone mentions a food, I want it.
Gender? Two boys!
Labor signs? Same old Braxton Hicks.
Belly button in/out? Still in!
What I miss: This week I have had my first cravings for alcohol.  I really want an icy mojito from this place, Felix, where I go with my friend Amanda sometimes.  We haven't been in years, but that is still my favorite mojito and I could drink one right now if I were allowed.  Also, ice-cold champagne.  Good champagne.
What I am looking forward to: Eric is coming home tonight!  That is, if it stops raining in Orlando and snowing here. 
Milestones: I made it to my 28 week scan and am still pregnant.  It feels like every day is a milestone, but I have to say that I am a little more relaxed now that I am past 28 weeks.  Now, to get to 30...

 

Last night we had Shabbat dinner in my room.  There were 8 of us!  This picture is of (L-R): My cousin Jess, her husband Emil, my aunt Jane, and uncle Ed.  Also in the picture you can see Max and Ian keeping my feet warm, and Elana's feet in argyle socks.  Jane made two huge pots of chili, one beef and bean, and one vegetarian.  Sharon made a challah, and Dad went out and bought an ice cream pie (I wanted a cake, but it turns out that they need 24 hours notice, not 2 to 4 as my dad heard them say the week before).  Eventually I will have my cake!  In the meantime, the ice cream in the pie was good and everyone seemed to like it.  

Tonight Eric comes home!  Unfortunately, it's raining in Orlando and snowing here so it seems like his flight will be delayed, it's just a question of how long.  Since Eric is gone, we are going to order in some sushi.  Eric hates sushi, and I love it.  So I take advantage of the opportunity to eat it when he's not around!  Sharon is also making sesame noodles with vegetables and some pickled cucumbers for us.  It sounds good to me, I don't know what it will be like with Sharon gone.  She is always making sure that I eat my fruits and vegetables and proteins.  

Today is also my parents' 33rd wedding anniversary!  Congratulations to them, and I hope by their 35th I have my act together to throw them a really great party (or celebrate with them however they would like).

As a parting note, a picture of the sweetest kittens in the world.  It is hard to see what is happening here, and it might look like they are fighting.  In actuality, they are napping.  They were fighting but were equally exhausted and fell asleep mid-tussle.  Adorable.

28w: Growth Scan

Today finally brought some good news.  First the news I am less excited about: while the boys are both growing, and at the same rate, they are smaller than I would like.  They were both estimated to weigh 2 lbs, 4 oz right now, which is the 35th percentile for twins.  The OB said this is fine, and that I don't need to worry about doing anything differently (i.e. eating more), but I might try to add in some more fat and protein anyway.  Especially since I worry that they might have an early arrival, I would like them to gain as much as they can.  But the OB said that they are taking from me anyway, and that I will suffer before they do.  I guess I look small because I am growing little babies.  Again, who would have thought?  I am a big eater and have no trouble consuming mass quantities of food.  So how can I make little babies?

Now, the good news: the babies look perfect, all their organs are perfect, and their faces are as sweet as can be.  Poor Baby A is smooshed down in my pelvis and his face looked funny in 3D, but the tech assured me that babies like feeling all tucked in and that he is comfortable.  My cervix is still closed up tight, and was measuring 1 cm longer than a week ago, back where it was when I was allowed to be up and down the stairs.  Now, I am not about to go back to my old ways, and Eric said he wants me to stay in bed until 32 weeks to be safe.  I am going to see where things stand at 30 weeks (only 2 more weeks!!!!) and might do something like come downstairs for dinner a few times, but only with the doctor's ok.  In the meantime, I feel less anxious about how long this pregnancy will last.  I really think and hope we can do it!

When I came home the boys were kind of worked up and kicking around in there, and my uterus seemed a little irritable and so I had a few contractions, but now all is calm.  Aunt Sharon has spent the entire day in the kitchen.  I have smelled delicious things up here all day long.  She made us 18 calzones, which are now in the freezer, tons of sauces to put on things like pasta, rice, chicken, etc.  She made roasted vegetables, chocolate cookies with a kick of cayenne., and who knows what else.  And took me to the doctor, and brought me an omelet for breakfast, and brought me lunch.  Whew!  All I have done is lie still.

We got up really early this morning to leave for the appointment, and I was washing my face and I could hear Sharon talking.  I thought, "is she talking in her sleep?"  Then I heard a panicked, "BECCA!!!"  It turns out that my dear cat Trouble Maker knocked her wedding and engagement rings off her dresser and they were nowhere to be found.  I instantly wanted to search the whole house, but of course couldn't because I'm pretty sure it is against bedrest guidelines to bed over and run around in a panic.  We had to leave for the appointment without them, which was disheartening.  When we got home I called my dad and he came over with a flashlight to search under all the beds, but managed to find the rings right away, stuck under a bag in the guest room.  Thank goodness because I would have felt just awful if the rings were seriously missing.  The incident has made me wonder about people and pets living up to their names... Should I name my sons "Angel" and "Good Boy"?

And, there is more good news!  (Ok, yes, today has been a good day.)  One is that Eric's work is going incredibly well.  I am so proud of him, I tell him all the time that I think he is a genius but he thinks I am biased.  Could we both be right?  And, my mother-in-law went and bought us a double stroller!  It is a pretty fancy stroller that she found on craigslist, but it has been used for less than a year and looks like new.  Our first piece of baby gear!  I am excited because I was not going to register for the kind of stroller she got us, just because it felt excessive with the travel system and umbrella stroller we had already registered for; I just figured I would buy it at a later point.  But now we have one!  And, I committed to baby bedding.  I have been undecided on bedding since 15 weeks when we found out we were having boys, but I finally bought the bedding I liked first and ultimately best; it is in the picture on the left.  It is beginning to seem like we are having babies!

27w5d: More good and bad

Well, I have clearly been remiss in posting.  The picture to the left is of my dad wearing Max the cat as a live fur stole.  Max is very soft and about as wiggly as a dead fur stole, so this is a fun trick.

There is not much in the way of news with my pregnancy, I have been dutifully spending all day everyday in bed except for using the toilet and taking showers.  I start to get anxious when I shower that I'm taking too long.  I have this feeling that somehow the babies will just pop! right out.  It doesn't help that my aunt, who is now taking care of me, said something like if I start labor, she is calling an ambulance because she is worried I'll deliver in the car.  I live 2 miles, tops, from the hospital so I can't imagine things happening that fast, but she's a nurse practitioner and has seen a lot more than I have.

So here is the good: I am still pregnant, and now almost 28 weeks (which is one of my milestones).

Some aspects of bedrest are like a dream come true.  My husband brings me breakfast in bed.  While the rest of the world wakes up early and hurries to work in rain, through rush hour traffic, I lie back in bed and read trashy novels or watch the Dr. Oz show.  I know that when the babies are here, I will miss this, since I don't think I will ever, ever get to do it again.

I have had more phone calls and visits from friends and family than I can believe.  Everyday I am shocked (in a good way) by how kind and thoughtful people are.  I have had more food deliveries, gossipy chats, dinners, phone calls, and baked goods than I can say.  Below is a picture of the delicious apple blueberry cake our family friend Susan baked for dessert (after cooking us a dinner of beef stew and broccoli).  I really never feel alone, or lonely, so that is wonderful.  I am so thankful that my boys will be coming into this world with so much love and generosity around them.

Also good: my aunt Sharon is here, and that's a treat.  Today she did some menu planning and is now out at the grocery store buying the things that we don't have.  I wish we could be cooking together, but I will happily accept the fruits of her labor.  We also have some similar taste in daytime TV, like What Not To Wear and Food Network cooking shows.  And tonight was her introduction to the Millionaire Matchmaker!

Now for the bad, or should I say, not as good:  Eric left today for 5 days!  I think we have been apart for 5 days maybe once in our marriage.  And the last time that I can think of, I was busy with work, school, and social plans.  This time I am at home, without him in it.  I was also sad because he came up to say goodbye and the second he sat down next to me on the bed his cab honked out front and he leapt up to leave.  I hope this time without him flies by.

I am also still very worried.  I feel helpless, and confused.  I don't understand how my cervix could get shorter after all that time being stable, especially when I didn't do anything differently than in the previous weeks.  How do I know that what I'm doing now is preventing further changes?  I guess, in some way, I don't know and just have to hope for the best.  And if my body gives up and the babies arrive, we will have to cope with what we have been dealt.

I get nervous just taking a shower now, like that is too long on my feet (even though I feel fine while doing it).  I stopped picking up my cat, Trouble, because he weighs 15 pounds and I'm worried that's too much to lift.  I am afraid to cough and sneeze, much less do something like sit down and have a bowel movement (sorry if that's too gross for you).  Every time I have a Braxton-Hicks I think, "is this the start of labor?"  I am always looking at the clock so I know how far apart they are.  If I have gas, which happens when you're pregnant, I think, "is this cramping from contractions?"  If I have a bit of discharge, I wonder if my water has broken.  Everything that was once a normal bodily function fills me with moments of fear.  I hope, hope, hope that should I reach 30 weeks I can relax a little, but we'll see.

And I know that above I talked about some of the wonderful parts of bedrest, but I am also tired of being physically confined.  I miss walking, and jogging.  I miss just being able to clean my house.  I wonder if maybe I will forget how to do things from not having done them for so long.  I know lots of moms have bedrest and go on to have totally normal lives, but I just feel as though my life is frozen in time, while everyone else gets to move forward.

27w2d: A Very Merry Un-Birthday

Last night Eric made dinner for my dad and me.  It was a recipe from the October 2009 Bon Appetit (http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Lime-and-Honey-Glazed-Salmon-with-Basmati-and-Broccolini-355189), a salmon with broccolini, rice, and a honey-lime glaze.  It was a one-pot meal, and it was so good!  A few weeks ago I made a list of dinner ideas from epicurious.com that were quick and easy, for Eric to make for us while he is in charge.  We have our usual repertoire of foods, but I wanted to try some new stuff, and this was on the list.  We will definitely revisit it in the future!

We put my dad in charge of dessert, which meant telling him where to buy something and what to buy.  I have been thinking about ice cream cake ever since Baskin-Robbins started running those stupid "Ice Cream and Cake!" ads a few months ago (I may have mentioned that I am VERY susceptible to advertising).  So Dad went and got an ice cream cake, and I said we were celebrating the un-birthday of my boys.  Cheers to that!  Tonight I will celebrate another un-birthday with some cake leftovers.

Speaking of susceptible to advertising, today I have been a little emotional.  First, the State Farm ads.  Has anyone seen these?  It's "I'll Be There" in the background with all these touching scenes of people helping people.  A tear-jerker.  And, worse than that, the ASPCA ad with Sarah McLachlan.  It came on today while I was watching figure-skating and I was sobbing!  All those sweet little pets, abused and mistreated.  Who could do that?!?!  If my cats are with me when that ad comes on, I won't let them watch.  My two boys came from the SPCA and I don't want them to know what happens to other, less fortunate, pets.

Overall, though, I have been in a pretty good mood, all things considered.  It is a little bit fun to be spoiled with breakfast in bed, I must admit.  At lunch my friend Alex came and we had a good gossip session.  Eric went to the library where I had them pull a new batch of chick lit for me and I now have a fresh stack of books to get through.  I am now much more eager to read than watch TV, which is the reverse of the previous few weeks.  At dinner time, Molly and her husband Jon came with their son Nate.  Nate turns two on Friday and I can't believe it!  It seems like yesterday that Molly was pregnant, and now Nate is this big toddler, running everywhere and chattering away.  We got take-out Chinese, and I let Eric convince me to order General Tso's, which is sooo bad for you but actually good... don't tell the Foodie Police I said that.

And I included a belated 27 week belly picture, taken today.  My hair is a mess from being in bed, surprise surprise.  I am next to a vase of beautiful red roses that were a gift from my dad!  Now I have something to look at and cheer me up.

27w1d: Still pregnant

So, as indicated by the picture, I am home and in bed, with company.  I was allowed to leave the hospital this morning around 8:30, after 2 hours of monitoring showed no real contractions.  My OB really doesn't seem worried at all (that makes 1 of us!).  He sent me home, he said no need to take Procardia because I wasn't contracting this morning, and to just stay in bed.  I have "bathroom privileges," so I can get up to use the toilet, brush my teeth, and take fast showers.  The other 23.8 hours of the day, I have to be lying in bed.  He said for special occasions once or twice a week, I can go downstairs for dinner with friends.  It is probably best that I stay upstairs in bed because when I am downstairs on the couch, I do get tempted to do stuff.  I was making my own breakfast every day, and sometimes my own lunch, or I would go get a snack for myself, or whatever.  And if I had visitors downstairs, I would go upstairs to use the bathroom, adding in a couple more trips.  This strict bedrest is only until 30 weeks and then he thinks I can do a little more, and then more again at 32 weeks.

Overall, I think I handled the hospital situation well.  When Eric first pushed the wheelchair into my hospital room and I put on the robe and got into bed, I cried.  I had not spent a night at the hospital since April 10, 1980, when I was born!  I have never really been sick in my life and just felt so defeated in all of this.  My body was no good at getting pregnant, and now it's apparently not so good at staying pregnant.  But, after all the contractions slowed and everyone said I would be going home in the morning, I was able to relax a little and just pretend it was a "normal" Thursday night in a strange room.  Of course, I did ask for an Ambien for sleep.  I have trouble enough in my own bed, let's not even think about a hot hospital room with a pillow flatter than a supermodel's chest.

I have to think that if my OB didn't believe I could keep the babies in with bedrest at home, he would have kept me at the hospital.  He doesn't want to meet these babies any more than I do!  In some sense it is reassuring being monitored at the hospital, knowing that their hearts are beating perfectly and that I'm not contracting.  But at the same time, the bed is not that comfortable, the food is lousy, and there are no husbands or cats when you go to sleep at night.  When I left this morning I actually had a stomach ache and some pain in my back, but I figured once I got home and got comfortable, it would go away.  And it did.  So goodness knows how uncomfortable I would be if I were stuck there for 20 more days!

I have to say that I feel very loved and supported in all of this.  Not only is Eric his usual sweet self, but my dad and friend Shoshana even visited in my short time as a hospital patient.  And today I have had tons of phone calls and emails from family and friends.  So thank you to everyone who has checked in, it means A LOT.

We had some moments of worry regarding plans for the coming week.  Eric is going to be leaving for a long-anticipated business trip.  His company is going to be launching their product at the PGA convention in Orlando (forgive me if I've mentioned this before) and his presence is fundamental.  I am sure that if the babies were born, or I were sick, his boss would let Eric stay home, no questions asked.  But I want Eric to go because he has been working for months and this is his big moment!  So who would babysit me?  My mom is in Asia, on a jaunt to Thailand before a few days in Singapore and a week in Vietnam.  I had planned to go to my aunt and uncle's, but the effort of packing up, going and coming back, and being away from my cats and all that worried me.  My dad said he would telecommute to work and stay with me, and my sister said she would come from DC on Thursday night.  So everyone was stepping in. 

But then my dad had a stroke of genius-- my aunt Sharon!  She is a nurse practitioner and a perfect Jewish mom (that means all of the food and none of the guilt).  And her job contract just ended so she isn't working.  My dad emailed, and next thing you know, she had booked a flight to come here for a week!  I am so thrilled.  I haven't seen Sharon for almost two years now, so we are overdue for lots of girl talk anyway.  On top of that, she is a good cook and baker, and said she is going to stock our freezer for us.  So out of all of this, there is something exciting to look forward to.  And she'll come to my 28 week growth scan with me and get to see the babies!

I have decided that there's just no way that I would have these babies this week.  The doctor says the goal is 3 weeks, but I am taking it 1 day at a time.  Today has been uneventful, and I hope to keep it that way.

27w: Son of a Bitch!

Tonight will be short-- because I am in the hospital!  Everything is fine with the babies, it is just that my cervix got shorter and so I was sent for monitoring.  The monitoring showed that I was having several small contractions that I wasn't feeling, so my OB decided that I should stay overnight.  He gave me a dose of Procardia to stop the contractions, and it does seem that it has quieted things down.  But he wants to monitor me again when the Procardia is out of my system to see if the contractions have picked up again.  If they have, he mentioned the possibility of me taking Procardia regularly.

It makes me wonder, I was having some discomfort yesterday that I dismissed as "growing pains."  Should I have called to come in?  I know it is a high-risk practice, and so they are used to people calling all the time, but I figured I would be in today so that we'd just see then.  Now I am kind of kicking myself, what if I could have saved a few millimeters of my cervix?  Too late now, of course.

My OB has set 30 weeks as the first goal, since at 30 weeks he expects that the boys will be big enough and strong enough to thrive after birth (of course after some time in the NICU).  I told him I will do whatever he tells me to make it 30 weeks.  He is putting me on stricter bedrest-- I had been allowed to go up and down the stairs a couple of times a day, and get up to make my own snacks or whatever, and now those privileges are gone.  I am going to have to stay in bed all day everyday, getting up to use the toilet and shower, and that's it.  That is going to be really tough!  But it doesn't matter, I can do it, because it is only 3 weeks and it matters for the rest of my babies' lives.

Oh, the "good" news-- my cervix, while short, remains closed.  So I am not about to drop these babies out of my uterus or anything.  And, I finally gained some weight, thanks to Frostys, cheeseburgers, and dessert.  I will now return to my regular eating, no gorging on fatty food for me!

Tomorrow (or whenever I am home), I will update about the glucose test, and whatever other news there is to share.  Hopefully only good news from the OB.