Yesterday morning I received a text from a friend of mine, another twin mommy who was due in the fall, saying that she had been admitted to the hospital with pre-term labor. She was 4 cm dilated.
By evening they had been unable to completely stop her labor, and it seemed likely that she would deliver her twins.
At 6 am I got a text that she had delivered her twins at 24 weeks, with her son weighing a little over a pound, and her daughter weighing under a pound.
At 9:30 I got another text that her daughter had passed away. Her son is currently stable in the NICU.
I am sick with sadness for my friend and her family. I remember my own fear of losing my babies when I was placed on bedrest, and I imagine it magnified a thousand times over for her. I wish she had been able to find something was wrong before going into labor, I wish they could have stopped her labor, I wish her daughter had lived.
She and her husband hosted Eric, the babies, and me for dinner not even two weeks ago. She was glowing with happiness, rubbing her beautiful belly, showing off her ultrasound pictures. We talked about twin baby products, what they would need, the experience of breastfeeding twins. We had such a wonderful time, and there was such happy anticipation for their future. I keep thinking of how her life will never be the same. Her memories will always be tinged with sadness, knowing how things ended. She won't need that twin jogging stroller, or the two cribs they bought. Any future pregnancies she has will be fearful, with worry of pre-term labor and loss. I hate that in a day, her dreams and happiness were taken away.
Of course I am even more thankful for my beautiful, healthy boys. I have kissed them thousands of times today and told them how much I love them. I also have a little bit of what feels like "survivor's guilt"-- why do I get to be so lucky and others so unfortunate? I am grateful for all that I have, and I only wish that the people I care about could have the same.