Tuesday, March 23, 2010
35w5d: a thank you note
When I got pregnant, I felt elated. I made good eggs; together Eric and I made healthy embryos! I hoped that my body would just take it from there. I had some bleeding in the first trimester that scared me, but the bleeding quickly stopped and the pregnancy continued. I had an easy first trimester, with minimal nausea, no vomiting, no real weight gain or loss. Everyone said I looked wonderful, and I felt great! On into my second trimester, where I got to exercising, we ate better. I felt like I was good at being pregnant. I thought, "I definitely want to be pregnant again."
And then we found my cervix was shortening, and again I felt as though my body was failing me. Why couldn't my cervix do this one job? What if it dilated and I lost my babies? It wasn't supposed to go that way.
I know part of getting this far is my compliance with bedrest, but the rest of it is pure luck. Plenty of people have shortening cervixes, go on bedrest, and lose the pregnancy. In my case, I can't say whether it was catching the shortening at just the right time, or using progesterone suppositories, or just that what small piece of cervix I had left would have stuck it out no matter what. But, regardless, I feel grateful to my body for doing this job. It is no small feat to gain this weight, to grow these babies, and to keep them in for all this time. I am amazed that in the past 2 weeks, despite my regular activity, my cervix has still held on.
Everywhere I go I carry my belly proudly. I want to tell all the people watching me waddle by, "Don't pity me! I'm lucky to be this big!" I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel lucky not only that I have made it this far, but that I am relatively comfortable. I don't have heartburn, I still have ankles, I can sleep most nights without any kind of pillow fortress. I'm back to thinking, "I am definitely going to do pregnancy again!" My stamina is quickly returning, and I feel like my body is strong and healthy. So I wanted to express my gratitude.
Last night I noticed my first stretch mark. It is not big, it is on my right side a little below my belly button. It itches. I'm a little sad because I was so excited to be getting out of a twin pregnancy without a stretch mark, but I am also pleased, because it means I have stayed pregnant long enough, and grown my babies big enough, to get one. Now, if I could just not get any more before I give birth...
Tonight I cooked dinner all by myself! It was one of the "fast" recipes from Bon Appetit (the April issue, it was shrimp and grits), so it was not meant to take long, but I did it all alone. Then I helped clean up. I really enjoyed making dinner and the feeling of independence.
Today my dad came over, and he and Eric hung the vinyl wall decal in the nursery. It is a brown tree with a white owl on the long branch. I love it, and I think that it will transition well from baby to little boy room. Here is a picture (and please excuse that Eric left crap on top of the dresser):