28w2d: Pregnancy Stats

How far along?  28 weeks, 2 days
Total weight gain/loss?  As of last week, I had actually gained 3 more pounds.  I feel bigger this week, so maybe I am gaining more.  Last week, I was up 26 pounds total.
Maternity clothes?  Yes, but today I am wearing non-maternity lounge pants and a t-shirt from the non-maternity Gap.
Stretch marks? None yet.  But it feels like the skin on my belly is getting tighter, so maybe soon.
Sleep?  Surprisingly, I have been sleeping pretty well.  Not taking anything to help me fall asleep, and not waking up too much.  Except last night, when I had a nightmare and then had trouble sleeping well the rest of the night.
Best moment last week? Having that extra 1 cm on my cervical length.
Movement?  Still moving in there, but they are not cooperative.  My dad hasn't felt them yet and every time he comes to feel them they stop, only to start right up again when he walks away.
Food cravings? Everything.  I want some of everything, some fries with ketchup, meat, vegetables, fruit, dessert... I don't even eat that much but if someone mentions a food, I want it.
Gender? Two boys!
Labor signs? Same old Braxton Hicks.
Belly button in/out? Still in!
What I miss: This week I have had my first cravings for alcohol.  I really want an icy mojito from this place, Felix, where I go with my friend Amanda sometimes.  We haven't been in years, but that is still my favorite mojito and I could drink one right now if I were allowed.  Also, ice-cold champagne.  Good champagne.
What I am looking forward to: Eric is coming home tonight!  That is, if it stops raining in Orlando and snowing here. 
Milestones: I made it to my 28 week scan and am still pregnant.  It feels like every day is a milestone, but I have to say that I am a little more relaxed now that I am past 28 weeks.  Now, to get to 30...

 

Last night we had Shabbat dinner in my room.  There were 8 of us!  This picture is of (L-R): My cousin Jess, her husband Emil, my aunt Jane, and uncle Ed.  Also in the picture you can see Max and Ian keeping my feet warm, and Elana's feet in argyle socks.  Jane made two huge pots of chili, one beef and bean, and one vegetarian.  Sharon made a challah, and Dad went out and bought an ice cream pie (I wanted a cake, but it turns out that they need 24 hours notice, not 2 to 4 as my dad heard them say the week before).  Eventually I will have my cake!  In the meantime, the ice cream in the pie was good and everyone seemed to like it.  

Tonight Eric comes home!  Unfortunately, it's raining in Orlando and snowing here so it seems like his flight will be delayed, it's just a question of how long.  Since Eric is gone, we are going to order in some sushi.  Eric hates sushi, and I love it.  So I take advantage of the opportunity to eat it when he's not around!  Sharon is also making sesame noodles with vegetables and some pickled cucumbers for us.  It sounds good to me, I don't know what it will be like with Sharon gone.  She is always making sure that I eat my fruits and vegetables and proteins.  

Today is also my parents' 33rd wedding anniversary!  Congratulations to them, and I hope by their 35th I have my act together to throw them a really great party (or celebrate with them however they would like).

As a parting note, a picture of the sweetest kittens in the world.  It is hard to see what is happening here, and it might look like they are fighting.  In actuality, they are napping.  They were fighting but were equally exhausted and fell asleep mid-tussle.  Adorable.

28w: Growth Scan

Today finally brought some good news.  First the news I am less excited about: while the boys are both growing, and at the same rate, they are smaller than I would like.  They were both estimated to weigh 2 lbs, 4 oz right now, which is the 35th percentile for twins.  The OB said this is fine, and that I don't need to worry about doing anything differently (i.e. eating more), but I might try to add in some more fat and protein anyway.  Especially since I worry that they might have an early arrival, I would like them to gain as much as they can.  But the OB said that they are taking from me anyway, and that I will suffer before they do.  I guess I look small because I am growing little babies.  Again, who would have thought?  I am a big eater and have no trouble consuming mass quantities of food.  So how can I make little babies?

Now, the good news: the babies look perfect, all their organs are perfect, and their faces are as sweet as can be.  Poor Baby A is smooshed down in my pelvis and his face looked funny in 3D, but the tech assured me that babies like feeling all tucked in and that he is comfortable.  My cervix is still closed up tight, and was measuring 1 cm longer than a week ago, back where it was when I was allowed to be up and down the stairs.  Now, I am not about to go back to my old ways, and Eric said he wants me to stay in bed until 32 weeks to be safe.  I am going to see where things stand at 30 weeks (only 2 more weeks!!!!) and might do something like come downstairs for dinner a few times, but only with the doctor's ok.  In the meantime, I feel less anxious about how long this pregnancy will last.  I really think and hope we can do it!

When I came home the boys were kind of worked up and kicking around in there, and my uterus seemed a little irritable and so I had a few contractions, but now all is calm.  Aunt Sharon has spent the entire day in the kitchen.  I have smelled delicious things up here all day long.  She made us 18 calzones, which are now in the freezer, tons of sauces to put on things like pasta, rice, chicken, etc.  She made roasted vegetables, chocolate cookies with a kick of cayenne., and who knows what else.  And took me to the doctor, and brought me an omelet for breakfast, and brought me lunch.  Whew!  All I have done is lie still.

We got up really early this morning to leave for the appointment, and I was washing my face and I could hear Sharon talking.  I thought, "is she talking in her sleep?"  Then I heard a panicked, "BECCA!!!"  It turns out that my dear cat Trouble Maker knocked her wedding and engagement rings off her dresser and they were nowhere to be found.  I instantly wanted to search the whole house, but of course couldn't because I'm pretty sure it is against bedrest guidelines to bed over and run around in a panic.  We had to leave for the appointment without them, which was disheartening.  When we got home I called my dad and he came over with a flashlight to search under all the beds, but managed to find the rings right away, stuck under a bag in the guest room.  Thank goodness because I would have felt just awful if the rings were seriously missing.  The incident has made me wonder about people and pets living up to their names... Should I name my sons "Angel" and "Good Boy"?

And, there is more good news!  (Ok, yes, today has been a good day.)  One is that Eric's work is going incredibly well.  I am so proud of him, I tell him all the time that I think he is a genius but he thinks I am biased.  Could we both be right?  And, my mother-in-law went and bought us a double stroller!  It is a pretty fancy stroller that she found on craigslist, but it has been used for less than a year and looks like new.  Our first piece of baby gear!  I am excited because I was not going to register for the kind of stroller she got us, just because it felt excessive with the travel system and umbrella stroller we had already registered for; I just figured I would buy it at a later point.  But now we have one!  And, I committed to baby bedding.  I have been undecided on bedding since 15 weeks when we found out we were having boys, but I finally bought the bedding I liked first and ultimately best; it is in the picture on the left.  It is beginning to seem like we are having babies!

27w5d: More good and bad

Well, I have clearly been remiss in posting.  The picture to the left is of my dad wearing Max the cat as a live fur stole.  Max is very soft and about as wiggly as a dead fur stole, so this is a fun trick.

There is not much in the way of news with my pregnancy, I have been dutifully spending all day everyday in bed except for using the toilet and taking showers.  I start to get anxious when I shower that I'm taking too long.  I have this feeling that somehow the babies will just pop! right out.  It doesn't help that my aunt, who is now taking care of me, said something like if I start labor, she is calling an ambulance because she is worried I'll deliver in the car.  I live 2 miles, tops, from the hospital so I can't imagine things happening that fast, but she's a nurse practitioner and has seen a lot more than I have.

So here is the good: I am still pregnant, and now almost 28 weeks (which is one of my milestones).

Some aspects of bedrest are like a dream come true.  My husband brings me breakfast in bed.  While the rest of the world wakes up early and hurries to work in rain, through rush hour traffic, I lie back in bed and read trashy novels or watch the Dr. Oz show.  I know that when the babies are here, I will miss this, since I don't think I will ever, ever get to do it again.

I have had more phone calls and visits from friends and family than I can believe.  Everyday I am shocked (in a good way) by how kind and thoughtful people are.  I have had more food deliveries, gossipy chats, dinners, phone calls, and baked goods than I can say.  Below is a picture of the delicious apple blueberry cake our family friend Susan baked for dessert (after cooking us a dinner of beef stew and broccoli).  I really never feel alone, or lonely, so that is wonderful.  I am so thankful that my boys will be coming into this world with so much love and generosity around them.

Also good: my aunt Sharon is here, and that's a treat.  Today she did some menu planning and is now out at the grocery store buying the things that we don't have.  I wish we could be cooking together, but I will happily accept the fruits of her labor.  We also have some similar taste in daytime TV, like What Not To Wear and Food Network cooking shows.  And tonight was her introduction to the Millionaire Matchmaker!

Now for the bad, or should I say, not as good:  Eric left today for 5 days!  I think we have been apart for 5 days maybe once in our marriage.  And the last time that I can think of, I was busy with work, school, and social plans.  This time I am at home, without him in it.  I was also sad because he came up to say goodbye and the second he sat down next to me on the bed his cab honked out front and he leapt up to leave.  I hope this time without him flies by.

I am also still very worried.  I feel helpless, and confused.  I don't understand how my cervix could get shorter after all that time being stable, especially when I didn't do anything differently than in the previous weeks.  How do I know that what I'm doing now is preventing further changes?  I guess, in some way, I don't know and just have to hope for the best.  And if my body gives up and the babies arrive, we will have to cope with what we have been dealt.

I get nervous just taking a shower now, like that is too long on my feet (even though I feel fine while doing it).  I stopped picking up my cat, Trouble, because he weighs 15 pounds and I'm worried that's too much to lift.  I am afraid to cough and sneeze, much less do something like sit down and have a bowel movement (sorry if that's too gross for you).  Every time I have a Braxton-Hicks I think, "is this the start of labor?"  I am always looking at the clock so I know how far apart they are.  If I have gas, which happens when you're pregnant, I think, "is this cramping from contractions?"  If I have a bit of discharge, I wonder if my water has broken.  Everything that was once a normal bodily function fills me with moments of fear.  I hope, hope, hope that should I reach 30 weeks I can relax a little, but we'll see.

And I know that above I talked about some of the wonderful parts of bedrest, but I am also tired of being physically confined.  I miss walking, and jogging.  I miss just being able to clean my house.  I wonder if maybe I will forget how to do things from not having done them for so long.  I know lots of moms have bedrest and go on to have totally normal lives, but I just feel as though my life is frozen in time, while everyone else gets to move forward.

27w2d: A Very Merry Un-Birthday

Last night Eric made dinner for my dad and me.  It was a recipe from the October 2009 Bon Appetit (http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Lime-and-Honey-Glazed-Salmon-with-Basmati-and-Broccolini-355189), a salmon with broccolini, rice, and a honey-lime glaze.  It was a one-pot meal, and it was so good!  A few weeks ago I made a list of dinner ideas from epicurious.com that were quick and easy, for Eric to make for us while he is in charge.  We have our usual repertoire of foods, but I wanted to try some new stuff, and this was on the list.  We will definitely revisit it in the future!

We put my dad in charge of dessert, which meant telling him where to buy something and what to buy.  I have been thinking about ice cream cake ever since Baskin-Robbins started running those stupid "Ice Cream and Cake!" ads a few months ago (I may have mentioned that I am VERY susceptible to advertising).  So Dad went and got an ice cream cake, and I said we were celebrating the un-birthday of my boys.  Cheers to that!  Tonight I will celebrate another un-birthday with some cake leftovers.

Speaking of susceptible to advertising, today I have been a little emotional.  First, the State Farm ads.  Has anyone seen these?  It's "I'll Be There" in the background with all these touching scenes of people helping people.  A tear-jerker.  And, worse than that, the ASPCA ad with Sarah McLachlan.  It came on today while I was watching figure-skating and I was sobbing!  All those sweet little pets, abused and mistreated.  Who could do that?!?!  If my cats are with me when that ad comes on, I won't let them watch.  My two boys came from the SPCA and I don't want them to know what happens to other, less fortunate, pets.

Overall, though, I have been in a pretty good mood, all things considered.  It is a little bit fun to be spoiled with breakfast in bed, I must admit.  At lunch my friend Alex came and we had a good gossip session.  Eric went to the library where I had them pull a new batch of chick lit for me and I now have a fresh stack of books to get through.  I am now much more eager to read than watch TV, which is the reverse of the previous few weeks.  At dinner time, Molly and her husband Jon came with their son Nate.  Nate turns two on Friday and I can't believe it!  It seems like yesterday that Molly was pregnant, and now Nate is this big toddler, running everywhere and chattering away.  We got take-out Chinese, and I let Eric convince me to order General Tso's, which is sooo bad for you but actually good... don't tell the Foodie Police I said that.

And I included a belated 27 week belly picture, taken today.  My hair is a mess from being in bed, surprise surprise.  I am next to a vase of beautiful red roses that were a gift from my dad!  Now I have something to look at and cheer me up.

27w1d: Still pregnant

So, as indicated by the picture, I am home and in bed, with company.  I was allowed to leave the hospital this morning around 8:30, after 2 hours of monitoring showed no real contractions.  My OB really doesn't seem worried at all (that makes 1 of us!).  He sent me home, he said no need to take Procardia because I wasn't contracting this morning, and to just stay in bed.  I have "bathroom privileges," so I can get up to use the toilet, brush my teeth, and take fast showers.  The other 23.8 hours of the day, I have to be lying in bed.  He said for special occasions once or twice a week, I can go downstairs for dinner with friends.  It is probably best that I stay upstairs in bed because when I am downstairs on the couch, I do get tempted to do stuff.  I was making my own breakfast every day, and sometimes my own lunch, or I would go get a snack for myself, or whatever.  And if I had visitors downstairs, I would go upstairs to use the bathroom, adding in a couple more trips.  This strict bedrest is only until 30 weeks and then he thinks I can do a little more, and then more again at 32 weeks.

Overall, I think I handled the hospital situation well.  When Eric first pushed the wheelchair into my hospital room and I put on the robe and got into bed, I cried.  I had not spent a night at the hospital since April 10, 1980, when I was born!  I have never really been sick in my life and just felt so defeated in all of this.  My body was no good at getting pregnant, and now it's apparently not so good at staying pregnant.  But, after all the contractions slowed and everyone said I would be going home in the morning, I was able to relax a little and just pretend it was a "normal" Thursday night in a strange room.  Of course, I did ask for an Ambien for sleep.  I have trouble enough in my own bed, let's not even think about a hot hospital room with a pillow flatter than a supermodel's chest.

I have to think that if my OB didn't believe I could keep the babies in with bedrest at home, he would have kept me at the hospital.  He doesn't want to meet these babies any more than I do!  In some sense it is reassuring being monitored at the hospital, knowing that their hearts are beating perfectly and that I'm not contracting.  But at the same time, the bed is not that comfortable, the food is lousy, and there are no husbands or cats when you go to sleep at night.  When I left this morning I actually had a stomach ache and some pain in my back, but I figured once I got home and got comfortable, it would go away.  And it did.  So goodness knows how uncomfortable I would be if I were stuck there for 20 more days!

I have to say that I feel very loved and supported in all of this.  Not only is Eric his usual sweet self, but my dad and friend Shoshana even visited in my short time as a hospital patient.  And today I have had tons of phone calls and emails from family and friends.  So thank you to everyone who has checked in, it means A LOT.

We had some moments of worry regarding plans for the coming week.  Eric is going to be leaving for a long-anticipated business trip.  His company is going to be launching their product at the PGA convention in Orlando (forgive me if I've mentioned this before) and his presence is fundamental.  I am sure that if the babies were born, or I were sick, his boss would let Eric stay home, no questions asked.  But I want Eric to go because he has been working for months and this is his big moment!  So who would babysit me?  My mom is in Asia, on a jaunt to Thailand before a few days in Singapore and a week in Vietnam.  I had planned to go to my aunt and uncle's, but the effort of packing up, going and coming back, and being away from my cats and all that worried me.  My dad said he would telecommute to work and stay with me, and my sister said she would come from DC on Thursday night.  So everyone was stepping in. 

But then my dad had a stroke of genius-- my aunt Sharon!  She is a nurse practitioner and a perfect Jewish mom (that means all of the food and none of the guilt).  And her job contract just ended so she isn't working.  My dad emailed, and next thing you know, she had booked a flight to come here for a week!  I am so thrilled.  I haven't seen Sharon for almost two years now, so we are overdue for lots of girl talk anyway.  On top of that, she is a good cook and baker, and said she is going to stock our freezer for us.  So out of all of this, there is something exciting to look forward to.  And she'll come to my 28 week growth scan with me and get to see the babies!

I have decided that there's just no way that I would have these babies this week.  The doctor says the goal is 3 weeks, but I am taking it 1 day at a time.  Today has been uneventful, and I hope to keep it that way.

27w: Son of a Bitch!

Tonight will be short-- because I am in the hospital!  Everything is fine with the babies, it is just that my cervix got shorter and so I was sent for monitoring.  The monitoring showed that I was having several small contractions that I wasn't feeling, so my OB decided that I should stay overnight.  He gave me a dose of Procardia to stop the contractions, and it does seem that it has quieted things down.  But he wants to monitor me again when the Procardia is out of my system to see if the contractions have picked up again.  If they have, he mentioned the possibility of me taking Procardia regularly.

It makes me wonder, I was having some discomfort yesterday that I dismissed as "growing pains."  Should I have called to come in?  I know it is a high-risk practice, and so they are used to people calling all the time, but I figured I would be in today so that we'd just see then.  Now I am kind of kicking myself, what if I could have saved a few millimeters of my cervix?  Too late now, of course.

My OB has set 30 weeks as the first goal, since at 30 weeks he expects that the boys will be big enough and strong enough to thrive after birth (of course after some time in the NICU).  I told him I will do whatever he tells me to make it 30 weeks.  He is putting me on stricter bedrest-- I had been allowed to go up and down the stairs a couple of times a day, and get up to make my own snacks or whatever, and now those privileges are gone.  I am going to have to stay in bed all day everyday, getting up to use the toilet and shower, and that's it.  That is going to be really tough!  But it doesn't matter, I can do it, because it is only 3 weeks and it matters for the rest of my babies' lives.

Oh, the "good" news-- my cervix, while short, remains closed.  So I am not about to drop these babies out of my uterus or anything.  And, I finally gained some weight, thanks to Frostys, cheeseburgers, and dessert.  I will now return to my regular eating, no gorging on fatty food for me!

Tomorrow (or whenever I am home), I will update about the glucose test, and whatever other news there is to share.  Hopefully only good news from the OB. 

26w4d: Bedrest Breakdown #2

Let me begin by saying that today definitely had highlights.  I had two visitors, a Starbucks cappuccino, and some delicious fresh fruit (melon and pineapple, two things Eric doesn't really know how to shop for).  And let me also say that through pregnancy, I have been pretty even-keeled.  Eric called it "crazy" when I snapped it him ONCE for making hamburgers wrong.  One snap, once.  In the entire IVF/pregnancy process.  And let me tell you that Eric was making those burgers at 8 pm after I had been at work and hadn't eaten.  So pregnant with twins + no dinner and it's 8:15 = justifiable snap.  And the first time I cried about anything was over Bedrest Breakdown #1 (see entry for Jan. 7  at 25 weeks).

But, this morning I got the call from the nurse at my OB's office saying I failed my 1-hour glucose test by 5 points.  5 points!  Ugh.  So, I have to go in for a 3-hour fasting glucose test.  This involved me calling the lab to schedule the test.  When I called the lab I told them that I'm on bedrest and need a place to recline while I'm there.  They have recliners in the back of the lab that I've seen, and I can't be the first pregnant woman on bedrest to need this 3-hour test... but the woman at the lab said there was nowhere for me to recline.  But I'm not allowed to leave the hospital.  So the lab lady says, "Maybe you can go lie down at your OB's office?"  I called back to my OB's office, and the nurse said that I could, indeed, come up there in between blood draws.  I said, "Ok, do I need to worry about walking back and forth?" (It is a short walk, and then an elevator in between.)  She said, "No, have your husband come and push you in a wheelchair."  A wheelchair!  This does not fit with my self-concept of myself as able-bodied.  And it means that rather than have Eric drop me off and then come pick me up 3 hours later, he has to come spend all 3 hours with me and push my stupid wheelchair around.  Ugh!

I had also been emailing with someone from my parents' synagogue about getting a free glider from him.  We don't have a glider, and the one I registered for from Target is close to $200.  For $200 we can pretty much buy the car seats we need, and frankly, I want those!  So I would like to check out the gliders, and asked the man from the synagogue if he could email pictures.  He said he was worried about the lighting, how about in person?  Well, I can't go over there, what with having my ass glued to the couch.  So I volunteered Eric to go.  Then I let Eric know I had volunteered him.  I acknowledge that I did not do things in the proper order.  But I jumped on it because 1) it was free and 2) our progress on the nursery thus far is that we have ordered cribs that have not yet arrived (more on the nursery in another post).

Naturally, Eric was upset.  He has been working like crazy because his company is preparing their product to launch at the PGA convention in Orlando in a week and a half.  He worked all weekend.  He has been working from 8 am to 10 pm almost everyday, with breaks to eat or assist me.  But that's crazy, I could have married a lawyer for those hours!  Anyway, he is stressed out, I am adding to his stress.  I could tell he was upset with me.  I burst into tears.  I am so frustrated at not being able to do the things I want.  I am finally ready to prepare a nursery for our boys, because I am finally feeling like we are going to come home from the hospital with babies.  

I want that normal-mommy experience, of planning for your babies, of making a home for them.  And I am so frustrated that I can't really do it, and that I am supposed to take a wheelchair tomorrow, and that I can't do anything other than use the toilet and shower without someone else's help. 

I am hopeful that tomorrow will be another (and better) day. 

The picture is of Trouble expressing his feelings in regards to "The Bachelor."  His assessment: not worth his time.

26w3d: The Kindness of Others

Here is a picture of the inside of our refrigerator.  We have two different kinds of soup, spaghetti and meat sauce, steak, potatoes, various vegetables, turkey cutlets, three kinds of bread, cheeses, lunch meats, eggs, milk, yogurt, salad ingredients, fruits...  It is so full in there that we can't fit another thing in!  I wanted to cut up a melon and couldn't because there isn't any room to refrigerate it!  So tonight is leftover night, I am hoping that we can finish up some food and make room.  The majority of the leftovers are food gifts from friends and neighbors, and of course my mom.  It has made such a big difference, since Eric is working like crazy and often doesn't have time to make anything complicated.

There is not much new here.  Peanut has stayed glued to me all day today.  It has been a very quiet weekend.  After guests for dinner on Friday night, we have not had any company.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty down.  During the week it is not so hard to be on bedrest.  Everyone goes to work and complains about it.  I am doing what everyone who wakes up at 6 am and goes to the office, fighting bad weather and rush hour traffic wishes they could do: staying in bed in my pajamas!  But on the weekend, the rest of the world gets to do the fun stuff, like meeting people for brunch, shopping, going out to dinner at a nice restaurant with their significant other... and I am home watching bad TV.  And weekend TV is really the pits, they put on all kinds of lousy movies that I don't even know who watches them.  I also didn't feel that well physically, I was having a lot of Braxton-Hicks (none of them consistent or close enough together to warrant calling the OB) and that got me worrying.  I also decided I wasn't feeling the babies enough and worried about that.  So a bad emotional day combined with a bad physical day was just plain lousy.  After dinner, I watched "It's Complicated" and ate some ice cream, which helped.

All I can think about is the end of bedrest and what will happen between now and then.  In a couple of weeks my sister will come and visit, she is babysitting me while Eric is in Orlando at a convention and my mom is in Asia.  The following weekend my mom comes home, and then it is Valentine's weekend.  I sincerely hope that Eric will do something for me for Valentine's Day!  And then my in-laws come, and after they leave, I will be 31 weeks and almost at the end of the bedrest road.  Not so bad if I lay it out like that...

And here is a picture of my buddy-of-the-day:

26w1d: The week's stats

How far along?  26 weeks, 1 day
Total weight gain/loss?  Given my lack of gaining, I decided I could bear to look at the scale.  According to the scale, I have gained a total of 23 pounds with the pregnancy, which, for a twin pregnancy is not much. I am up 0 pounds from last week, again.
Maternity clothes?  Yes, today I am wearing maternity leggings with a non-maternity dress.
Stretch marks? None!  Let's keep this up.
Sleep?  This week my sleep has been MUCH better.  I even had Eric buy Tylenol PM for me, but I haven't needed it at all.  I think part of the better sleep might be related to the fact that Eric went and bought us a humidifier.  He is snoring less, and I am able to sleep with my mouth closed, which is much more comfortable for me.
Best moment last week? Getting told everything is still stable, and that I can do more things once I hit 32 weeks.
Movement?  Still feeling the babies all the time.  Today I haven't felt anything major, just kicks and flutters.
Food cravings?  I will crave almost any food you mention to me.  Nothing has made me order Eric to go out and get me something, but whatever I see cooked on Food Network, I want.  I definitely print out at least one recipe a day for someone to cook for me.  And my friend Shoshana went to Wendy's to get me a Frosty the other night.
Gender? Two boys, still.
Labor signs? None, just my usual Braxton-Hicks.
Belly button in/out? In.  Still have a little ways to go before it's flat.
What I miss: Paris!  My mom is there now and I would love to be there and eating some good French food.
What I am looking forward to: I think this week is a slow one.  I am looking forward to Wednesday, when I enter the 3rd trimester, and Thursday which will be my bedrest halfway point.
Milestones:  No real milestones, just the accomplishment of being pregnant another week.

No news from the OB about the outcome of my glucose test.  So I guess I have all weekend (and maybe Monday?) to not know.  I'm not going to worry about it, but I am eager to hear the results.

Today my friend Dan brought me lunch from Five Guys.  I thought, "I'm not going to eat this whole burger!"  Well, those burgers are SO good.  I ate the whole thing, and fries, in a matter of minutes.  And if there had been more burgers around, I bet I would have eaten those, too.  The visit was pretty fast, so hopefully he'll come back again soon.  Although he was able to come because he is currently unemployed, and for his benefit, I hope he works again soon!

Then I met with a doula.  She is an old friend of the family who has known me since I was 2.  When I was little (ages 2-9), we lived around the corner from her family and her youngest daughter (she has 5!) was a friend and classmate of mine.  She has worked for 28 years, almost as long as I have been alive, as a doula and lactation consultant.  Anyway, we met and talked about how I envisioned my labor and what job I saw a doula performing.  I told her I was looking for a calm and knowledgeable presence, because if I am in labor, I am pretty sure Eric will be green and hiding in a corner.  Eric is not the kind of guy who says, "I want to be right there with you honey!"  Instead he says, "I don't want to see any blood or anything...  I'll just hold your hand." 

I am still hopeful that I'll get to have a vaginal birth.  Baby A has been head-down at ever visit from 20 weeks on, and B has been head-down since then as well.  This is a good start, although there is still plenty of time for them to change their positions if they want to!  My OB has said that as long as Baby A is head down when I go into labor, he is willing to do a vaginal birth.  So, stay put babies!  It's just so hard to plan all of this when I don't really know how long I'll stay pregnant, or if I will end up in labor before the babies are full-term and able to be with me rather than in the NICU.  We talked about my best-case scenario, but of course not about the worst.  I have to say that I am definitely focused on best-case, and me being pregnant til at least 36 weeks, and having a vaginal birth, and bringing my boys home with me from the hospital.

Eric is in the kitchen right now cooking dinner.  We are having my dad (abandoned by mom for her trip to Paris), my friend Shoshana and her boyfriend, Jordan.  Eric is making marinated flank steak, roasted broccoli and potatoes, I am making a salad, and he is making banana bread for dessert.  Eric has been wonderful today, doing all of this cooking.  I feel awful that I can't help, it drives me nuts!  I won't say that he hasn't complained, because he has made his dissatisfaction known, but he is doing it all anyway.

26w: Belly picture and update

So today I am 26 weeks.  Tomorrow makes 4 weeks of definite, don't do anything other than lie down and take seated showers bedrest, and it has been a month since I first got word that my cervix was throwing in the towel.  As Eric pointed out, we are getting into a routine now, which makes it easier, and time is passing relatively quickly.

On to the update: My cervix remains stable, measuring pretty much the same as last week.  Baby A is hanging out with his head right on top of my cervix, as he always is.  Eric said, "Well, if they hadn't already told us we're not allowed to have sex, we wouldn't have sex anymore."  Nothing like realizing there are a mere 2 cm between where his penis would go and where his son's head is.  So, stable is all I can ask for.  We've held on to stable for 4 weeks now, so it seems that we can keep this up for the long haul.

The good news was that the long haul has a definite end.  My OB said that at 32 weeks they'll stop looking at my cervix and just rely on non-stress tests to tell them how I'm doing.  That's 6 weeks away from today.  At that point I will be able to increase my level of activity slightly.  My sister asked if that means I'll be out dancing that weekend.  No, it means I will go out for a romantic dinner with my husband.  And, I have decided I'll have my baby shower that weekend, too.  Six more weeks and I might get to do some of the things I've fantasized about, like leave the house.  Six more weeks!  Four down, six to go.  That makes next Thursday another milestone: the bedrest halfway point.

I also went another week without gaining any weight.  The nurse said not to worry.  So, I won't worry, but will instead take this as a sign that I am meant to be eating more cheese.  And milkshakes.  Tomorrow my friend Dan is bringing us lunch from 5 Guys, I am getting a cheeseburger and fries.  Take that, babies!  But, I have to say this pregnancy thing sure does a number on you.  My hair, which all my life has been extremely curly, I mean so curly that people would ask me if I had African heritage, has been growing in straight.  And all of a sudden, I don't gain weight.  Pre-pregnancy I was the kind of person who would gain weight if I sat next to someone eating a pizza.  Ok, maybe not that bad, but I did put on 3 pounds in a week on my honeymoon.  Now here I am, eating cheeseburgers and last night I had a special treat-- a Frosty from Wendy's-- and nothing doing.  All I can say is, if there is any justice in this world, I will get to keep my straight hair and killer metabolism after this pregnancy, too!

And, in a last piece of news, I took my glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes today.  I expect that they'll call tomorrow with the results, and I will update here.  Maybe I should have cake for breakfast just in case...

25w6d: Double digits!

Today I have 99 days left until I am full term.  99 days!  I have been on bedrest 30 days, and of course I am not expected to go to 40 weeks with twins, so we are making real progress here. 

Yesterday I had a visit from my friend Alli.  As you can see from the picture, she is also expecting.  She will be 32 weeks on Friday with her twins and is looking wonderful.  When she got pregnant with twins she was very worried about her ability to carry, since she is very small-framed.  I had no worries since I am built like a Russian peasant (Eric jokes I was built to pull plows across the Russian steppes.  I think there is truth to this).  And at 32 weeks she is still moving around and not on bedrest and I am imitating a vegetable by lying still all day.  She has done a wonderful job of growing some big babies, and I'm so happy for her (and her husband) that they will very soon be welcoming two new babies to their home.  It was wonderful to have her visit.  We met in graduate school 5 years ago now (ok, 5 1/2) and both got married in the summer of 2006 and both got pregnant in the summer of 2009.  She and her husband just moved out of the city and into the suburbs near me, so come spring, we have a ready-made playgroup of 4 babies.  I am excited at the transitions we have made in our lives and happy that I have someone to share the next step with.  After I saw her I gave my belly a lecture and told the boys that they have some growing to do because Alli's belly is way bigger and I want my boys big and fat before their appearance in the world.  Alli suggested that Eric start buying me Frosties from Wendy's and I have to say that I am not opposed to that idea!

Today my mom leaves for her big world tour.  First she flies to Paris, then Singapore, with a jaunt to Phuket, Thailand and some time in Hanoi, Vietnam.  She'll be gone 3 1/2 weeks!  I will really miss her.  She is amazingly helpful, she buys me all kinds of delicious groceries, things that Eric wouldn't think to pick up since he doesn't like them (grapefruit, cantaloupe, avocado), cooks for me (I have a stock of al sugo sauce and soup) and comes and sits with me in the afternoons.  She also came with me last week to my OB appointment so she could see the boys again.  My mom and I get along very well.  We like to do things like cook together, shop together, and travel together.  Unfortunately, we haven't gotten to do much of those things recently, but I just enjoy her company.  It will be hard to have her gone for so long, but when she returns I will be feeling much more positive about where we are in the pregnancy and will really be feeling like I'm in the home stretch.

The only good aspect of her departure is that she is leaving us with her kittens, Max and Ian, for 3 weeks.  It turns our house into a bit of a madhouse, because 4 cats is a lot, but her two are the world's best snugglers, and for someone who is lying down all the time, it's great to have a snuggler with you all the time.  Be warned: there will be many, many cat pictures in the coming weeks.

Tomorrow is my cervical check and I might try to take the glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes.  I am not too concerned about the outcome of the test, but of course I am a little worried.  If they tell me no more dessert I will cry.  I mean, what else does the pregnant woman on bedrest have to live for if not chocolate?

25w5d: Marriage

This is going to sound crazy, but I woke up the other morning and thought, "Oh my gosh! I'm married!  How did that happen?"  Yes, this is crazy, we have been married 3 1/2 years, we own a home and two cars together, and I am expecting two children.  But it is still hard to believe that I have a husband, that we are committed to each other for life, and that I will never (G-d willing) date again.

I think a lot about our marriage because bedrest tests it daily.  For that matter, so did infertility.  Through all of this, Eric has been the best husband I could ask for.  I remember the day that I was diagnosed with PCOS, I was so sad and disappointed.  I felt like our dreams of having a family were slipping away, and I had a hard time coping with the idea that we wouldn't get to make our babies the "old-fashioned way."  I cried to Eric that I felt sad that he had gotten damaged goods when he married me, or that I had deceived him because he didn't know when he married me that I would be fertility-challenged.  He didn't pause for a second before saying that he would marry me all over again, even knowing that we would have trouble.  And he repeated this throughout our process, even telling me that he loved me even if I could never have children.  And while it was wonderful to have him say those things, I knew all of it anyway, without those words being spoken.  I never for a second questioned his love or commitment.

We have a wonderful life together.  We both love food, cooking and eating, and everywhere we travel we make a point to try restaurants and new food.  On our honeymoon we rented a car just so we could drive all over the island and try all the restaurants we had read about in travel articles.  Our life so far has been easy, and we get to have a lot of time together just the two of us.  Every night we eat dinner together, at the table, no TV or books.  We talk, sometimes there isn't too much to say if we've been together all day, but some nights we are at the table for a long time.  We lie in bed together some mornings just talking, or at night we will watch a movie together.  We have picnics in front of the fireplace in winter.
And a large part of me worries about what will happen to our relationship once our boys get here. I worry about how we will find time to just be a couple and do those things we love to do.  Obviously we can hire a babysitter, but what will it really be like once our lives are changed by these boys?  I am worried we will lose "us" and be focused solely on our sons.  As a psychologist with training in sex and marital therapy, I know where we can end up and it isn't pretty.  I want to promise now that it won't happen to us, but I think everyone believes it won't be them.  So let me say now that we will try our best to maintain our connection as a couple after the birth of our sons.  Maybe if I put it out there then you will hold me to it.

On a humorous note, Eric saw that I had written, "I never questioned his love and commitment" and said, "Oh, good, that makes it easier for me to have an affair!"  This is a good joke since he leaves the house about as often as I do, and he's not on bedrest.

Also, I want to be honest and say that I did take this opportunity to post some nice pictures of us so you could see how handsome Eric is and how I used to have a waist.  He is still handsome, and I expect the return of my waist sometime around October.

25w3d: a list of goals

So I realized while I was writing yesterday's post that my next "milestone" of 28 weeks is way too far off for a person who is actually counting every single day as a milestone. And that's the truth-- every morning, my first thought when I wake up is, "I'm still pregnant!" and then I think about how far along I am, and how my boys' chances of survival are better than the day before. I decided I need some more mini-goals to look forward to and give me a sense that I'm making progress. Here is what I have:

January 20: I will enter the 3rd trimester

January 28: 28 weeks and my next growth scan. Come on and grow, babies!

February 6: My mom returns from Asia. I promised I would still be pregnant at this point.  I will be 29w2d.

February 15 (approximately): My in-laws are coming to visit.  My mother-in-law will keep me company and paint the nursery.  She also said she will do some cleaning, and she is a serious cleaner.  Her house is immaculate and puts everyone else to shame.

February 25: 32 weeks and a growth scan.

I am also having a fantasy that at a certain point, say 34 or 35 weeks, if I am still pregnant (and my fingers are crossed that I will be!) I will be allowed to start doing some more activities.  It would be wonderful to have a week or two to just run some errands or move around the house getting ready for the babies.  I have no concept of how large I'll be at that point.  I am still not that big, and pretty comfortable when I am standing up, but I hope that the babies have a lot more growing to do!

Today Eric did me a favor and took all the paperwork that I've been hanging on to from my job over to my supervisor.  This is a big relief, in a way.  There's no real need for me to have it in my possession, especially since I have not worked in almost a month now and probably won't be working again for another 4 months.  Every time I saw it, it made me feel guilty.  In part because I hadn't done all the paperwork I needed to do and was procrastinating on doing it...  The down side is that now I really have nothing remotely intellectual or productive that I need to do.  I think part of me was hanging on to it because it was a connection with work and a professional identity, versus my current identity as "woman who does not need an outfit fancier than yoga pants."  After 4 years of college, 5 years of graduate school, and getting my doctorate, it feels awfully silly to lie down and watch re-runs of 90210.  But, I am trying to remind myself that not only is it temporary, but it is the last time I'll be able to be a vegetable for a very, very long time.

25w2d: a pregnancy questionnaire

I have seen these pregnancy questionnaires on other women's blogs and so I thought I would do one for my own to keep track of progress.  From here on, I am going to do them on Fridays, I think.

How far along?  25 weeks, 2 days
Total weight gain/loss?  I have asked them not to tell me, but at my appointment on Thursday the nurse said I hadn't gained anything in the past week.
Maternity clothes?  Yes, but I still wear non-maternity yoga pants and some longer sweaters.
Stretch marks? None, thank goodness.  I put on my stretch mark cream everyday.
Sleep?  My sleep schedule is pretty lousy.  The past two nights I've had trouble falling asleep, and then I nap during the day, which I think makes me more awake at night.  Prior to that I had a few nights of decent sleep and no napping.  Lying around all day is not good for my sleep schedule!
Best moment last week? Seeing Baby A suck his thumb on ultrasound.
Movement?  I feel the babies a lot now, and sometimes I don't even pay attention.  Then later in the day I think, "Oh my gosh, have I felt them today?!?!"  Both Eric and my mom have felt them kick from the outside.
Food cravings?  I did want chocolate ice cream.  For a little I wanted a chef salad with ranch dressing, and never had it, and now the craving has pretty much passed.  I am very suggestible and find myself wanting the food on TV, even if I would never eat in real life (like Wendy's chicken nuggets).
Gender? Two boys!
Labor signs? None, just my usual Braxton-Hicks.
Belly button in/out? In.  Not even totally flattened out, although it is definitely getting more shallow.
What I miss: Being useful.  I want to cook and clean and be up and about.
What I am looking forward to: My Thursday OB appointment, getting Max and Ian back on Wednesday to cuddle with me.
Milestones: None this week.  I have set time goals for the pregnancy, but the next big one is my 28 week growth scan, and that's still a little way away.

I have also included a picture of my sweet Peanut Butter, who has been keeping me company today.  I also want to say thank you to all the people who have been thinking of me this week, like my aunt Jane who brought me frozen yogurt, and my friend Alissa's mom (Barbara, who is herself the mother of twins!) who sent me a book on getting babies to sleep through the night.  And of course my mom, who is constantly bringing me food and books and keeping me company.

25w: Doctor Update

I had my cervix checked again today. I get to go once a week from now on, which is nice. It gets me out of the house, and it is reassuring. And it is a nice marker as I move from week to week. So, today I am 25 weeks, and my cervix is stable. Short, but stable. I got to see my original OB, who I hadn't had an appointment with since I was 18 weeks, and I was very reassured by him and his bedside manner. He said that as long as I am stable, this bedrest can go on until I'm full term. I say, bring it on! It is amazing how a doctor's bedside manner can really affect my mood. After seeing the other OB last week I left feeling very down and not hopeful, and this week, although there is no change, I feel very hopeful and optimistic. I guess every week of no change is good!

The boys look great, so that is always nice to see. What I thought were Baby A's feet are actually Baby B's, so that's good, too. I had thought I was only feeling A because the majority of movement is on my right, but it turns out that B's feet are hanging out over there. Their heart rates are perfect. When the OB went to show me Baby A's face, he was sucking his thumb! Just like his mommy. Great. Eric and I are starting the Whitten Twins' Orthodontic Fund tomorrow, donations are welcome. B was looking right out at us. I love them more every day, and it just reminds me that even though bedrest stinks some days, I am doing it for two beautiful reasons. I am so excited to meet my sons, but not so excited that I can't wait another 10-11 weeks to do it!

Last night I had a bit of a bedrest breakdown... Eric got very busy with work and we hadn't had dinner yet. We were just going to have leftovers anyway, but I was waiting on him. I was getting more hungry, but ok. He was about to get involved in more work and I asked if he could help me with dinner first. He came up to help, and then I was indecisive (that's the problem with leftovers, they get to be boring old news fast), and he snapped at me. I burst into tears because I was just so frustrated, why can't I make my own dinner? It is extremely hard for me to be completely dependent on him, and I am sure hard for him to be responsible for me. We have a very equal marriage outside of bedrest, and so a lot of the jobs that I have always done are now his. He hasn't complained, but it is obvious that bedrest is wearing on both of us.

We also had some good news today. A friend of ours, who I won't name because she is keeping this quiet for a little, received a marriage proposal and accepted! Everything is in the early stages, but we are happy for her. Now, we need to meet her fiance so that we can pass judgment and be sure she's marrying someone who deserves her. She also asked if I would be in her bridal party (a bridesmatron?), which I happily accepted. I hope that I can help with a shower and all that fun stuff, too.

In the background of this week's belly picture, you can see a framed print on its side. This painting is a gift from my mom's parents and has hung in their house my entire life. They recently moved to an apartment and weren't able to take all their things with them. I have wanted this print ever since I was very young; I remember looking at it before my sister was even born and thinking someone had painted a picture of me with my parents. So I am thrilled to have it in my own home, and can't look at it without thinking of my grandparents and parents. My grandparents' house is the site of many a warm and happy memory. Now that I think about it, Eric and I had our first kiss on the couch across from this picture! So it is nice to sit and gestate on the couch across from it now.

A bit of perspective

I spend a great deal of time on online message boards. When we were trying to get pregnant, I went on a board called "Infertility," which I still visit, but I now also visit a board called, "Success after Infertility." Over time, you get pretty familiar with the other ladies on there even though you don't know them "in real life." One young woman is from my area and did her IVF with Dr. Glassner just as I did. After a long year of saving to afford IVF, she had her first IVF in October/November and found out she was pregnant just before Thanksgiving. Today she went in for her last appointment with Dr. Glassner to find her baby's heart had stopped beating. I am devastated for her and her husband, and can't imagine the shock and pain they must be in. It's times like these that you see how unfair the world can be.

It also makes me realize how lucky we have been. We were lucky to have our IVF covered in full by our insurance, lucky it worked, and lucky to have made it this far with two healthy babies. Here's hoping our luck holds out.

And I am hoping that the woman from the message board and her husband are able to get pregnant again and carry the pregnancy to term. I'll be thinking of her.

24w6d: The men in my life

The boys I'm carrying will be just two more boys in my life. Other than my loving and handsome husband, I have two male cats: Peanut and Trouble. I may be a proud mom, but I truly believe that my cats are the two best-looking cats on the planet. I am not sure how to get an agent for cats, but if I could, I would get Trouble into modeling because there isn't a more handsome cat anywhere. Trouble is also very sweet, and had an interview to be a therapy pet. Therapy pets visit residential facilities, like nursing homes, and help cheer people up. Trouble passed his interview, but he didn't handle the ride there or back very well. On the way there he vomited, and on the way home he pooped on the floor mat. In between he foamed at the mouth and got kitty spittle all over the car's interior. It was recommended that he spend some more time in the car and get used to it before he continue on with any therapy duties. Shortly after his interview, I found out I was pregnant, so I haven't pursued any trips with him in the car... I just don't need the extra stress.



And, recently, my parents adopted two male cats of their own: Max and Ian. We found these little kitties in Sonoma County, and at the time we found them they each weighed about 2 pounds and were quite scraggly! Over the months they have managed to put on weight and become quite adorable. These are two of the sweetest cats in the world, and they love to snuggle, with each other and with other people. While my parents are out of town, we have babysat them here. And when that happens, I am one woman in a house with a husband, 4 male cats, and 2 unborn male babies!

I also have to be honest-- the real purpose of this post was just to put up pictures of cats. Expect a lot more of that in the future!

24w5d: TV watching

I am doing a great deal of TV watching these days. There are many shows I love to watch re-runs of that I saw the first time through, like Beverly Hills, 90210 and Friends. Lately I have been watching these shows from a new perspective. On 90210, Andrea (the smart Jewish girl, I just wish she could have been sexier, I mean, why can't they ever have sexy Jewish girls on TV?) gets pregnant her freshman year of college, and ends up marrying the father. Anyway, she goes into pre-term labor around 24 weeks or so, and is put on bedrest. I didn't even remember this plot line from the first time around! Now, of course, I feel Andrea and I are kindred spirits, even beyond our dorky Jewishness. She gets hospitalized, but her water breaks around 27 weeks and she delivers her daughter prematurely. But even 90210 offers a happy ending-- after a summer in the NICU, the baby comes home and is fine.

On Friends, Chandler and Monica try for a while to conceive a baby, with no luck. So off they go to the fertility doctor, where they find that they both have fertility problems. On the show, Chandler and Monica decide against any fertility treatment, and I wonder about this. Is it because there is no real humor in fertility treatment? There is some humor in it... but maybe not for primetime TV. After what I have been through with infertility, I certainly see these shows differently now.

I have also tried watching some new TV. I decided that I am in position to be picky about what I watch, so I recorded Food Network's Worst Cooks in America. This show was TERRIBLE. I don't really know the two chefs who are hosting it, but they are not especially charismatic or interesting or (and I know this should not matter) appealing to look at. I mean, let's face it, Top Chef has Padma Lakshmi hosting for a reason. The premise of the show was that they would take the country's worst cooks and turn them into halfway decent cooks. In the first round, they chose the 12 worst and split them into two teams. They gave the cooks a recipe. They judged the cooks. And then the worst two cooks went home. So, the criteria that got the cooks from Round 1 to Round 2 were completely reversed. Anyway, I have deemed this show too stupid to watch, so no more of that.

I also watched the opening of The Bachelor. I'm a longtime Bachelor/Bachelorette watcher, and my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and friend Shoshana also watch. We often have online "dates" and watch at home but send IMs to each other talking about what's going on. The show is consistently stupid, but I love all the drama and so I keep watching. I am not sure how much I'm going to like this season, because the bachelor himself seems pretty dopey. He's cute, and there were a number of gratuitous shots of him without a shirt on, but I'm not sure what's there for substance. And the vast majority of women on the show this season seem to have jobs that involve the word "model" in them. Next week seems promising-- major drama where one of the lovely young ladies has sex with one of the producers!

That's it for my major TV watching. I am never unhappy with the choice of Law & Order, which is on endlessly all day long.

24w3d: a book review

Since I am home reading many books and watching many movies and TV shows, I thought I would begin reviewing some of what I see and read. Obviously I am not a professional critic, but maybe some of you value my opinion.

I recently read Melissa Banks's novel The Wonder Spot. Melissa Banks wrote a very successful novel, The Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing, which came out when I was in college, and which I enjoyed. I originally bought The Wonder Spot to read on my honeymoon in July of 2006. At this point, I have to say that the book is much better suited to bedrest than it is to a Caribbean honeymoon. The main character in both novels is someone you have a little bit of a hard time pulling for; the women are not successful in life and love, and make frequent social blunders or sometimes do things that are just plain uncomfortable to read about. This might make it easier for the reader to identify with, because everyone has had those mortifying moments we wish we could forget, but which somehow seem to define us and our identities.

The Wonder Spot strays from the typical female-centered novel in that the main character does not have a single conquerable problem that she has fixed by the end of the novel. Rather, you get to see Sophie at various points in her life, and see the ways in which her enduring personality traits affect her at different ages. The author has an ability to pick up on nuances in people's behavior that were familiar to me, and I found myself thinking, "Oh, yes, I know someone just like that!" Her writing is easy to read without making the reader feel as though the author is condescending to them, and there are many poignant moments throughout the book.

I enjoyed reading the book (both in 2006 and 2009), but it is not an uplifting, happy-end tale. It did make my mind churn, to think of some of the defining moments or missed opportunities in my own life. I would definitely recommend this book to others.

****

In other news, there is not much news. Today was quiet. Our neighbors, Tom and Amy, came over for dinner. Amy had kindly made us an entire meal! She made a beef stew from the Williams-Sonoma Comfort Food cookbook, and it was really good! I made a beef stew from Cook's Illustrated a few weeks ago, and I would say Amy's stew was MUCH better. And then she left us the leftovers! So I have a wonderful lunch waiting for me.



Eric also made Nigella Lawson's triple-chocolate cookies. These are soooo good. They come from her "Nigella Express" cookbook. Eric makes the cookies bigger than I do, but they are pretty rich, so what we do is make a batch of dough, and then freeze dough in scooped-out portions. Then we have a bag full of frozen dough and can put cookies in the oven at any minute for hot, chocolatey cookies whenever the need strikes. Eric was excited because for Christmas I had gotten "dishers" from his mom and they got used today. They make all the cookies the same size, which is important to Eric because then everything cooks at the same rate. Anyway, totally delicious and I am very proud of myself that I ate only one cookie and didn't pull the "pregnant lady" card and overindulge.

24w2d: Our New Years

Starting New Years Eve 2003, I have hosted friends for dinner. Over the years, our plans have evolved. In 2003, it was just girls, we made a huge dinner (lobster!) and then went out to a bar for midnight. In 2004, Eric and I had been dating 8 months and my friend Alissa and her now-husband Greg had been dating 9 months, so men were involved. Some years, people haven't been able to make it and we have had dinner with my parents, another year I fell asleep before midnight, but the tradition is: good food, good friends, and no pressure to get drunk or be out driving.

This year we had our core group of ladies: Alissa, Amanda, and me; and our significant others. Greg and Alissa were married in June, and Amanda came with her boyfriend of one year, Brad. For dinner, my friend Shoshana also joined us, along with her boyfriend Jordan. I am usually in charge of the big dinner, but this year I had to just boss from the sidelines. I find being bossy from the sidelines frustrating and unrewarding, so for the most part, I did nothing. Eric and my friends made:
A beef roast with horseradish sauce
Spinach gratin
Mashed yukon gold potatoes
Strawberry-rhubarb crumble
Pretty traditional food, but nice for a winter night. Things were not timed the way I would have liked them if I had been in charge, but I am trying to relax my need to control things!

I woke up in the morning and was again frustrated. The kitchen hadn't been cleaned, and the cheese we snacked on before dinner had been sitting out all night! My fingers itched to get to cleaning, but I am happy to say that I was able to resist. It was really tough, because Eric didn't clean everything up until about 6:30 pm, and I was downstairs on the couch just staring at the mess. But I am going to consider it a triumph on my part that I didn't do anything.

I did not make any resolutions (I mean, really, why should I? I am perfect as I am, ha!), but I do have some hopes for this year:

1) I would like to be pregnant for at least two months of this year. If I make it to March, that is 32 weeks pregnant, and we would be out of any real danger. At this point, 8 weeks seems like it could be an eternity, but I am already 3 weeks into this and doing fine, so I am hopeful I can do it. Now, cervix, please cooperate!

2) I hope that my boys will be healthy, no matter when they arrive.

3) Once my boys are here, I want to become active again and get back into shape. This shouldn't be hard, since I have always been active before and am dying to get back to it!

4) I want to be a good mom to my boys, whatever that means. I know I will love them to pieces, but I hope I can give them all they need, and I want them to have happy lives from the very beginning. They certainly are lucky to be coming to a family so full of love and affection, so this should be easily accomplished.

I would not say that 2010 is off to a smashing start, mostly more crappy TV and time on the internet, but I am positive the year won't go out the way it is starting!