Wednesday, January 13, 2010

25w5d: Marriage

This is going to sound crazy, but I woke up the other morning and thought, "Oh my gosh! I'm married!  How did that happen?"  Yes, this is crazy, we have been married 3 1/2 years, we own a home and two cars together, and I am expecting two children.  But it is still hard to believe that I have a husband, that we are committed to each other for life, and that I will never (G-d willing) date again.

I think a lot about our marriage because bedrest tests it daily.  For that matter, so did infertility.  Through all of this, Eric has been the best husband I could ask for.  I remember the day that I was diagnosed with PCOS, I was so sad and disappointed.  I felt like our dreams of having a family were slipping away, and I had a hard time coping with the idea that we wouldn't get to make our babies the "old-fashioned way."  I cried to Eric that I felt sad that he had gotten damaged goods when he married me, or that I had deceived him because he didn't know when he married me that I would be fertility-challenged.  He didn't pause for a second before saying that he would marry me all over again, even knowing that we would have trouble.  And he repeated this throughout our process, even telling me that he loved me even if I could never have children.  And while it was wonderful to have him say those things, I knew all of it anyway, without those words being spoken.  I never for a second questioned his love or commitment.

We have a wonderful life together.  We both love food, cooking and eating, and everywhere we travel we make a point to try restaurants and new food.  On our honeymoon we rented a car just so we could drive all over the island and try all the restaurants we had read about in travel articles.  Our life so far has been easy, and we get to have a lot of time together just the two of us.  Every night we eat dinner together, at the table, no TV or books.  We talk, sometimes there isn't too much to say if we've been together all day, but some nights we are at the table for a long time.  We lie in bed together some mornings just talking, or at night we will watch a movie together.  We have picnics in front of the fireplace in winter.
And a large part of me worries about what will happen to our relationship once our boys get here. I worry about how we will find time to just be a couple and do those things we love to do.  Obviously we can hire a babysitter, but what will it really be like once our lives are changed by these boys?  I am worried we will lose "us" and be focused solely on our sons.  As a psychologist with training in sex and marital therapy, I know where we can end up and it isn't pretty.  I want to promise now that it won't happen to us, but I think everyone believes it won't be them.  So let me say now that we will try our best to maintain our connection as a couple after the birth of our sons.  Maybe if I put it out there then you will hold me to it.

On a humorous note, Eric saw that I had written, "I never questioned his love and commitment" and said, "Oh, good, that makes it easier for me to have an affair!"  This is a good joke since he leaves the house about as often as I do, and he's not on bedrest.

Also, I want to be honest and say that I did take this opportunity to post some nice pictures of us so you could see how handsome Eric is and how I used to have a waist.  He is still handsome, and I expect the return of my waist sometime around October.

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